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Here I Go.....

Shayenne's picture
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

....Starting to get scared again...I just read the papers that my doctor had to fill out for my hubby's family medical leave act, and there were some things said on the paper like "metastatic disease to liver" and "Adenocarcinoma of the colon" that got me scared, and here I went googling crap...

There were articles on there how the liver is not curable, and how I will have a poor survival, now I'm feeling despair again, and I saw on the papers something about their plan being my 6 months of chemo, and then maintenance therapy???? does that mean no hope for my liver? maintenance therapy I thought was just something they did when there was nothing else that could be done, and maybe there were just things said so that my husband would have no problems being able to get that family medical leave act papers going, but it's getting scary, here I am, with her saying the chemo has killed my most of my cancer, but yet, maintenance therapy is something I wouldn't have thought of, I would have at least thought of trying to heal the liver, unless maybe it can't be, help, I'm getting frightened...I shouldn't have read those papers!


scouty's picture
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004


I am in a very small percentile of survivors as I approach my 5 year NED (official cancer free mark) in stage IV NON SURGICAL remission (surgery was never done). That means my liver tumors and 1 lung tumor "went away" after some chemo but I stopped that and polished it off with a complete diet change. I knew the percentages way back when but never really believed them. I figured that NOT one of those mathematical bozos had a clue who or what I was made of.

Prove them wrong, do your homework and use your body to fight the ******* cells. It can be done and don't read too much, like chemo, it is poison and only screws with your mind and body.

Lisa P.

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

But FYI: Under FMLA law the doctor only had to tell your huband's employer that he was needed to take care of you for a serious illness. Telling all is for when you need to be paid disability pay.

Relax as much as you can, aren't all stage 4s on a continuous maintenance if needed? We need to finish up your chemo, do as Donna says,, change our diets and exercise as much as we can. What is there to lose but a few pounds!

I was so hungry after chemo today that I wanted to stop at chic'filet, In and Out Burger, Applebees, anywhere...I could not stop thinking of food. When I got home my brother in law came in with a carton of blue berrris, so I throw together, lettuce, blue berries, cranberries, parmeasean cheese and a rasberry dressing and it was soooo good. So eating healthy is not that bad or hard to do. Not preaching, just sharing a trimpuh of a meal, and that we can change our habits, if not every day, as much as we can. Now if only I could get that glass of wine out of my mind! :-)

Many Hugs!

Shayenne's picture
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Just one of those days where my side where my liver is, is hurting abit, and had to take some pain pills, and everytime it hurts, and it doesn't much, I keep thinking it's flaring up or getting worse, and it's just plain scary. I may ask the doctor I'm just being impatient, wanting to know what the plan is, to see if this liver will be the end of me soon, and just exactly how bad it is, and I'm not sure what involves maintenance therapy anyway, I been trying to eat everything I can to gain weight, because I don't want to lose anymore, and that salad sure did sound good. I'm just getting scared as the chemo progresses, and usually do have one of these scared nights sitting here thinking of my mortality, I need to just stop now, I am usually upbeat and positive, but sometimes need to hear some reassuring words at times also....


Buzzard's picture
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Im fixing to PM you.......look for it.....and quit thinking.......

lisa42's picture
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008


My onc told me before he filled out my papers for my disability "I'm going to make this sound a bit worse than it actually is. I just wanted you to know that in case you read it and wonder about what I said." Maybe that is the case for you also.
I think they have to make it sound dire or they think maybe it won't get approved.

Don't believe it though!!!! You're going for cure, girl!!


Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Donna Sweetie! Stop reading those stats! Everything about you is SURVIVAL! A lot of the time, a good doc will make things out to be horrific on the paperwork to get around red tape. Also, you are a fighter and a trooper. No matter what the OLD stats say, you are doing the right things, so you are about HEALING! So go back a few steps and do this one step at a time. Praying for your & sending healing vibes your way!


VickiCO's picture
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

First...BREATHE. Now, get off the internet! Except to come here, of course. Listen to what the others have said., You are NOT a statistic.

Also, (speaking as a former HR Director) FMLA only requires that the doctor states that your husband needs to care for you, not the details of your illness. Your doctor, or your husband's HR Rep, may have confused the paperwork with disability forms. No one needs to know your medical info unless you choose to share it.

Breathe (and yes, you need to 'inhale'! LOL!)

Many hugs, Vicki

Shayenne's picture
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

....husband said the same thing, she is saying things to make it sound worse so he can get that Family Medical Leave Act, since she is saying one thing to me and them another. She did write down that I needed him for all my transports and meds administration and that, I think what got me was a question on there where it said "will pt be needing psychological comfort and for how long" and it said "6 months to a year", and I feared that was my prognosis then that I have if I only needed psychological comfort for that long...

Anyway, I'm being silly now, sorry I was despairing, it kind of scared me, but then again, I am feeling so well, thanks for all your replies, it did make me feel better, my hubby said the dr tries to work with us to get things as well, and she is good at that.

I am now breathing again, I didn't sleep well, but thanks for even letting me exhale! Hugsss to you all!


JR's picture
Posts: 140
Joined: May 2009

I think for the most part that DR's are on our side and want us to get what we need and want. All the crap they write to insurance companys and employers are to get you what you want. Keep you chin up and a good attitude. We can all beat this monster if we go about it the right way. Let's all stay together and stay educated about treatments and beat the hell out of this thing.


Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

You will be fine, try not to stress and take it a day at a time, it's hard. I know! I try not to think of tomorrow, because if I do my husband kicks my butt, not literaly, but he won't hear it. It's scary, but somehow we learn to live with this, life will never be the same but we wil aclamate as much as we can.

Enjy your day new day, try to smile.

So much understanding.......

angelsbaby's picture
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Try to stay strong and think positive thoughts and if you have to call the dr and get the real scoop. Its weird how are brains work we can think of something and be worried sick . I got myself worried alot by what i read . Huggs to you too


lmliess's picture
Posts: 331
Joined: Dec 2008

First of all - you are a survivor!! I read your posts and you always are positive and have such a good spirit about you. BUT, we all have our down times and when you do it feels better to come here and vent.
I started chemo Tuesday and have felt crappy so all it took for me was a WALMART commercial yesterday with a mom running through a sprinkler with her kids to make me cry and freak out. I felt so sad because my 5 year old keeps telling me 'you will feel better soon mommy". Dang it - I want to be running hrough sprinklers with her NOW and not worried about hurting myself from one of my surgeries or throwing up in the yard because of chemo!
Anyway - didn't mean to vent...I guess I just had to get some out too. :-)

Posts: 453
Joined: Aug 2008


It certainly is an emotional roller coaster. One minute we are strong-determined and fighting like hell. The next minute-day-week we are scared and worrying. Many times I could not even figure out what it was that sent me in a panic. I do know that you are NORMAL in every emotion that you feel. For me I would have those days of panic then slowly get my mind to focus on other things and get back to the optimistic fighting mode. You will too. I hope each day you feel a little less anxious.

Hang in there,

Posts: 278
Joined: Jan 2009

I had to reply about your maintance chemo, my cancer has been shrinking I had 3 scans done, waiting on the results of this one he said if it looked good I will get to have maintance chemo which means not getting the heavy duty stuff, stop reading those stats I went to relay for life which was great except for one place had the stats wrote down
but we all know better thats why I wont even look up the meds I am on the more you read the more scared you get , if you have questions either ask your DR or ask here.
by the way I just realized you are from Ohio so am I. As far as your DR goes what he wrote you just have a good DR she is looking out for your best interest mine is the same way.
also did you read my post about the anzemet and ginger it does help. I know Phils suggestion probably does help too I have heard a lot of good on that but I cant I get teste at work take care and stay tough remeber you are a survivor

Hugs Sheri22

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