I can't do this again....

joannem65
joannem65 Member Posts: 17
edited March 2014 in Uterine Cancer #1
This is the one yr anniversary since my diagnosis -- 6/3/08 Breast Cancer / stage II ER/PR Neg Her2 +++ . . . . unsettling just in nature... but yesterday the other shoe dropped...Could I also have Endometrial Cancer ?? Gee not even sure if it's spelled right.

I'm doing okay just a little anxious -- I've been back to my GYN for the 2nd time in 2 months...
I went into chemo-pause during my treatment for Breast Cancer - Chemo 9/08 thru 11/08 after my D&C done 10/08. Had a period 2/09 did not get one 3/09. It started again 4/16 and like the energizer batteries... it keeps going & going and going.... So, long story short - going in on Tues 6/9 for a uterine biopsy and all I can think of is "I CANT DO THIS AGAIN...." my worst fear is they'll tell me it's cancer again... I'm just a wreck.... (like you need to hear this....) My mom had uterine cancer in 1992 - total hysterectomy, rad tx and chemo and is a survivor. But, I've already fought this once.... I can't imagine having to do that again...
Where am I to turn for strength? I feel so tapped out! I know I shouldn't panic yet, but how can I settle my brain and stop the panic!!??? I know the bottle of ativan isn't the answer, but the worrying going on inside me is making me sick...
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Comments

  • rmcosu
    rmcosu Member Posts: 8
    So sorry to hear about your
    So sorry to hear about your situation. Stay strong.
  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980
    Sure you can! & maybe you won't even have to! ((((Joanne))))
    First: BIG HUG, and take a deep breath. You must remember how strong you were before; that strength is still deep inside you, a little tired, a little beat up, but it's there. And maybe you won't even need it!

    I have a typically very recurrant type of uterine cancer, and will wrap up my initial 9-month protocol of surgery/chemo/radiation on July 1st. My last CT-scan showed a tiny 2.7mm shadow on my lung that they have decided to ignore until my next CT-scan in mid-July and hope it's nothing. So I am already wrestling with the same fear and exhaustion as you are, at the possibility that the END of treatment that I have been looking forward to for so long, may instead roll me back right into surgery and more chemo. I, too, thought: I just can't go through this all again. But in my heart I know I will; I know I can. Don't want to; REALLY don't want to; but I will keep doing what I must do. And so will you. It's too early to throw in the towel, Joanne. Play out the hand; it may not even BE cancer this time.

    If you want to be humbled, pop into the Ovarian Cancer Discussion Board of this website, and read some of their posts. These ladies face reoccurance after reoccurance, rolling in and out of chemo and other treatments over and over, year after year, treating their cancer like a chronic condition that they will always have. I learned so much from these brave and realistic women about dealing with the possibility of recurrance. I see these amazing women living with joy and robust vitality, even as their treatments sometimes stretch on for YEARS with no remissions and no breaks, and even as they get their months of remission only to face a bad CT-scan that sends them right back into chemo. And they do it. And I look into my weary heart and know that I can do it, too. So can you, honey. BIG BIG HUGS! Please let us know how the biopsy turns out and know that we are here for you to help you understand your new challenge if you don't get the good news that we will all pray for until Tuesday.
  • joannem65
    joannem65 Member Posts: 17

    Sure you can! & maybe you won't even have to! ((((Joanne))))
    First: BIG HUG, and take a deep breath. You must remember how strong you were before; that strength is still deep inside you, a little tired, a little beat up, but it's there. And maybe you won't even need it!

    I have a typically very recurrant type of uterine cancer, and will wrap up my initial 9-month protocol of surgery/chemo/radiation on July 1st. My last CT-scan showed a tiny 2.7mm shadow on my lung that they have decided to ignore until my next CT-scan in mid-July and hope it's nothing. So I am already wrestling with the same fear and exhaustion as you are, at the possibility that the END of treatment that I have been looking forward to for so long, may instead roll me back right into surgery and more chemo. I, too, thought: I just can't go through this all again. But in my heart I know I will; I know I can. Don't want to; REALLY don't want to; but I will keep doing what I must do. And so will you. It's too early to throw in the towel, Joanne. Play out the hand; it may not even BE cancer this time.

    If you want to be humbled, pop into the Ovarian Cancer Discussion Board of this website, and read some of their posts. These ladies face reoccurance after reoccurance, rolling in and out of chemo and other treatments over and over, year after year, treating their cancer like a chronic condition that they will always have. I learned so much from these brave and realistic women about dealing with the possibility of recurrance. I see these amazing women living with joy and robust vitality, even as their treatments sometimes stretch on for YEARS with no remissions and no breaks, and even as they get their months of remission only to face a bad CT-scan that sends them right back into chemo. And they do it. And I look into my weary heart and know that I can do it, too. So can you, honey. BIG BIG HUGS! Please let us know how the biopsy turns out and know that we are here for you to help you understand your new challenge if you don't get the good news that we will all pray for until Tuesday.

    Thanks Linda
    Thanks for the support -- I know I'm strong but its hard to keep this well of emotions in check. I've been a fighter and will continue to do so. Hopefully, this is just a side effect of premature menopause due to the chemo and just a major scare for me. I appreciate your hugs & support and most of all your prayers. I'll keep this updated hopefully with good news -- Hugs - Joanne
  • joannem65
    joannem65 Member Posts: 17
    rmcosu said:

    So sorry to hear about your
    So sorry to hear about your situation. Stay strong.

    thanks
    thx for the support. I'll work hard on keeping my "faith, family and friends" that's what helped get me thru this past year -- I know it wont fail me now. Hugs - joanne
  • deanna14
    deanna14 Member Posts: 732
    joannem65 said:

    Thanks Linda
    Thanks for the support -- I know I'm strong but its hard to keep this well of emotions in check. I've been a fighter and will continue to do so. Hopefully, this is just a side effect of premature menopause due to the chemo and just a major scare for me. I appreciate your hugs & support and most of all your prayers. I'll keep this updated hopefully with good news -- Hugs - Joanne

    Joanne
    My heart goes out to you... you are strong and you are a survivor and you will do what you have to do. Try not to borrow trouble until you know something for sure. I will be praying that this is nothing serious. Try to give your worry to the Lord, he will carry it for you... all for the asking. Hang in there. More cyber hugs to you.
    Deanna
  • Ro10
    Ro10 Member Posts: 1,561
    Joanne sorry to hear your story
    You have been through so much, and so strong before I hope that strength can resurface for you. I pray that your biospy comes back negative for you. I would fear too about them finding cancer again. But try to give your worries to God and let him handle all of them until you know what your diagnosis is. I know this is easier said than done. I try to give up my worries and then I find myself taking them back again. I pray for you to have the strength to handle what ever is coming your way. HUGS to you.
  • mas910
    mas910 Member Posts: 6
    just one day at a time!!
    Sorry to hear about your diagnosis Joanne. I too had breast cancer, mastectomy, chemo and radiation in 1997. In Jan 2009 was diagnosed with uterine papillary serous cancer. I was just like you and thought I can't do this again. Even though it had been 12 years I still remembered all the details!! But now I have had my hysterectomy in January, had DaVinci surgery for lymph node, paraortic node and peritoneal biopsies in April. Have completed 2 chemo treatments and will have my third next week. It's amazing what you can do if you have to...don't get me wrong, I had my share of tears...but once the treatment starts it is not as bad as the anticipation. You just have to taake one day at a time and not let your mind worry until you know what to worry about. This site is amazing with the support you get. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care. Margaret







    a il.Have completed 2chemo have my thirgto...don't get me wrong, I had my share of tears....but once the treatment starts it is not as bad as the anticipation. You just have to take one day at a time and not let your mind worry until you know what to worry about. I will keep you in my prayers. This site is amazing with the support you get. Take care.
  • livenow09
    livenow09 Member Posts: 60
    the Beast visits again
    my heart stops just thinking about all your fear and panic...I'm gearing up for my second three month checkup....so it doesn't take much for me to cry; old yogi said: if there is a solution for the suffering there is nothing to worry about; if there is no solution for the suffering, there is no use in worrying; you will make the best decision you can make at the time you make the decision; I know of two older women who faced your nightmare...they're still alive, one eight years after, one twenty years; there are many survivors of multiple cancers; let the stats work for you...if only 47% survive, see yourself as the 47%; you will do what you have to do

    Marie
  • joannem65
    joannem65 Member Posts: 17
    livenow09 said:

    the Beast visits again
    my heart stops just thinking about all your fear and panic...I'm gearing up for my second three month checkup....so it doesn't take much for me to cry; old yogi said: if there is a solution for the suffering there is nothing to worry about; if there is no solution for the suffering, there is no use in worrying; you will make the best decision you can make at the time you make the decision; I know of two older women who faced your nightmare...they're still alive, one eight years after, one twenty years; there are many survivors of multiple cancers; let the stats work for you...if only 47% survive, see yourself as the 47%; you will do what you have to do

    Marie

    Thank you all for your support
    I want to thank all of you for your support. Im so greatful for your confidence and strength. I knew to turn to you all for the little nudge in the right direction. I'll put my faith in the Lord, for I know that when we feel weak - it is HE that carries us through. I just needed the reminder. Thanks and I'll update you all as the week progresses.
  • daisy366
    daisy366 Member Posts: 1,458
    joannem65 said:

    Thank you all for your support
    I want to thank all of you for your support. Im so greatful for your confidence and strength. I knew to turn to you all for the little nudge in the right direction. I'll put my faith in the Lord, for I know that when we feel weak - it is HE that carries us through. I just needed the reminder. Thanks and I'll update you all as the week progresses.

    Joanne
    It's OK to vent and to not want to do something again - that you endured before. Glad you are talking about it. In the end, we do have a choice, and we will do what we have to do at the time.

    Hang in there. Take heart and stay strong!!

    Hugs and prayers, Mary Ann
  • joannem65
    joannem65 Member Posts: 17
    daisy366 said:

    Joanne
    It's OK to vent and to not want to do something again - that you endured before. Glad you are talking about it. In the end, we do have a choice, and we will do what we have to do at the time.

    Hang in there. Take heart and stay strong!!

    Hugs and prayers, Mary Ann

    TY
    Daisy366

    TY for you support. I'm just glad that I had to work 12hr shifts this weekend, so that kept me busy and I'll recover tomorrow and bx on tuesday. Then I'll have that step behind me...I've been told by very wise women here -- not to borrow trouble, so I'll not worry about what I don't know.. :)

    Thanks & I'll update you all as soon as I know something.

    Hugs back to you!
    Joanne
  • Ro10
    Ro10 Member Posts: 1,561
    joannem65 said:

    TY
    Daisy366

    TY for you support. I'm just glad that I had to work 12hr shifts this weekend, so that kept me busy and I'll recover tomorrow and bx on tuesday. Then I'll have that step behind me...I've been told by very wise women here -- not to borrow trouble, so I'll not worry about what I don't know.. :)

    Thanks & I'll update you all as soon as I know something.

    Hugs back to you!
    Joanne

    Joanne Good luck Tuesday
    Praying all goes well with your biopsy. Hope you don't have to wait too long for the results. My prayers are with you.
  • kkstef
    kkstef Member Posts: 688
    joannem65 said:

    TY
    Daisy366

    TY for you support. I'm just glad that I had to work 12hr shifts this weekend, so that kept me busy and I'll recover tomorrow and bx on tuesday. Then I'll have that step behind me...I've been told by very wise women here -- not to borrow trouble, so I'll not worry about what I don't know.. :)

    Thanks & I'll update you all as soon as I know something.

    Hugs back to you!
    Joanne

    Thinking about you
    Joanne....please know that you are in my thoughts and praying for a good outcome. I know how stressful the anticipation is!
    Karen
  • deanna14
    deanna14 Member Posts: 732
    kkstef said:

    Thinking about you
    Joanne....please know that you are in my thoughts and praying for a good outcome. I know how stressful the anticipation is!
    Karen

    Good luck tomorrow!
    Joanne, just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
  • joannem65
    joannem65 Member Posts: 17
    TY Girls : )
    I just wanted to wanted to say thanks for your support.
    Here it is Tuesday @0450hrs. and I've been awake for hours. Guess it's that little problem I have called ANXIETY!! I have a busy day scheduled, 0800 pre-med pain pill, 0900 Bx at the GNY's office, and 1130 Herceptin tx for the breast ca... I should be home early afternoon, so I'll update you on how it goes. I can't believe I'm this anxious over this procedure after 14 surgeries for this stinking breast ca. But, I am. I guess cause I've never liked going to GYN's let alone when you have an idea of what's in store for you when you get there....
    Hugs to you all for thinking of me!
    You're awesome.
    Thanks - Joanne
  • deanna14
    deanna14 Member Posts: 732
    joannem65 said:

    TY Girls : )
    I just wanted to wanted to say thanks for your support.
    Here it is Tuesday @0450hrs. and I've been awake for hours. Guess it's that little problem I have called ANXIETY!! I have a busy day scheduled, 0800 pre-med pain pill, 0900 Bx at the GNY's office, and 1130 Herceptin tx for the breast ca... I should be home early afternoon, so I'll update you on how it goes. I can't believe I'm this anxious over this procedure after 14 surgeries for this stinking breast ca. But, I am. I guess cause I've never liked going to GYN's let alone when you have an idea of what's in store for you when you get there....
    Hugs to you all for thinking of me!
    You're awesome.
    Thanks - Joanne

    :)
    Just thinking about you, hoping and praying that everything is going okay!
  • joannem65
    joannem65 Member Posts: 17
    That much is over
    Well I took my meds before I went (Ativan for my anxiety and Vicoden pre-med for the pain) and I lived thru it. I'll admit, I've got a pretty good pain tollerance and in my opinion it hurt. But, on the flip side, Dr.M told me what she was doing and when I would feel the Pinch...and I did and she made 3 passes to pull a good sampling from 3 different areas. She said she didn't want to have the pathologist give the cop-out "not enought cells for adequate sampling." Now, it's the waiting game. I just got home and am going to take a nap since I've been up pretty much since 3am. Between a half nights' sleep and meds- I'm ready for a little cat-nap. I've had mild cramping today and am tender I guess where she held the cervix in place while passing the straw/pipette in to gather the tissue. This too shall pass....
    Thanks again for your support and prayers.
    joanne
  • daisy366
    daisy366 Member Posts: 1,458
    joannem65 said:

    That much is over
    Well I took my meds before I went (Ativan for my anxiety and Vicoden pre-med for the pain) and I lived thru it. I'll admit, I've got a pretty good pain tollerance and in my opinion it hurt. But, on the flip side, Dr.M told me what she was doing and when I would feel the Pinch...and I did and she made 3 passes to pull a good sampling from 3 different areas. She said she didn't want to have the pathologist give the cop-out "not enought cells for adequate sampling." Now, it's the waiting game. I just got home and am going to take a nap since I've been up pretty much since 3am. Between a half nights' sleep and meds- I'm ready for a little cat-nap. I've had mild cramping today and am tender I guess where she held the cervix in place while passing the straw/pipette in to gather the tissue. This too shall pass....
    Thanks again for your support and prayers.
    joanne

    Let your body and mind rest now
    Hi Joanne,

    Glad you have the procedure behind you. (I'm being a mother now) Now let your mind and body rest and heal. Stay in the now and don't project into the future or past. Take cleansing deep breaths and may they bring you peacefulness.

    Sending you healing energy.

    Mary Ann
  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980
    ((((Joanne)))) Those endometrial biopsies HURT!! (a LOT!)
    I'm glad the endometrial biopsy is behind you. I was SHOCKED when I had my 1st endometrial biopsy at my gynecologist's at how much it HURT! (& I got one of those 'non-diagnostic' pathology results anyway. boo.) Then when I went to see a gyn-onc, and he decided to do ANOTHER one (;no warning) only now I knew what was coming and that made it even WORSE because I was so tensed for the pain I knew was coming. Having a D&C, which I know is considered more invasive, was sooo much easier, for me, because they at least knock you out for that!

    So, big big hugs that this is over! You seem to have done really good! And how smart of you to get 'medicated' for it, something I didn't know to do.
  • Reddie
    Reddie Member Posts: 72

    ((((Joanne)))) Those endometrial biopsies HURT!! (a LOT!)
    I'm glad the endometrial biopsy is behind you. I was SHOCKED when I had my 1st endometrial biopsy at my gynecologist's at how much it HURT! (& I got one of those 'non-diagnostic' pathology results anyway. boo.) Then when I went to see a gyn-onc, and he decided to do ANOTHER one (;no warning) only now I knew what was coming and that made it even WORSE because I was so tensed for the pain I knew was coming. Having a D&C, which I know is considered more invasive, was sooo much easier, for me, because they at least knock you out for that!

    So, big big hugs that this is over! You seem to have done really good! And how smart of you to get 'medicated' for it, something I didn't know to do.

    endometrial biospies do HURT!!
    I do agree that it is very painful if you didn't get the medication for it. The GYN did warn me it would be painful. She gave me two choices that either I go ahead with the biospy on the same day at her clinic or second choice is to wait a little longer and go to the hospital to have medicated and do the biospies. I couldn't wait any longer and told her to "go ahead" to get over with. WOW! it was unexpected so I took advil right after it and then the pain went away.... whew but the memory is still unforgettable. I agree that we all should be aware of it before having endometrial biospies.