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My Mom Used to Say....

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

...If you cannot say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary = Decorum - de-co-rum, noun 1: literary and dramatic propriety: FITNESS 2: propriety and good taste in conduct or appearance 3: ORDERLINESS 4pl: the conventions of polite behavior.

Thesaurus.com = Decorum synonyms: civility, conduct, demeanor, dignity, etiquette, form, habits, POLITENESS, respectability, tact.... Antonyms: bad behavior, bad manners, impoliteness, rudeness.....

Be Nice

I have been absent from the board for a month or two for various reasons, occasionally lurking. I recently returned from Key West where I vacationed with my dear husband - we celebrated Bob’s Change of Command and our second anniversary, and we said our goodbyes as he recently deployed for a couple of months of sea duty. I have returned home to finalize our move, staying busy with business, family and medical stuff, but then again, I also stayed away because things got a bit strained here at CSN on our beloved Colon board. Seemed like the vibe kind of changed…it might be just me, but things seemed to have gotten heated and cliquish. It made me sad since ACS, CSN and it's moderators, and most importantly, this colon board and it’s members have meant so much to me during my cancer battle and because I met my husband here. There is so much about this organization and this site for which I will be eternally grateful, especially my husband and the friends I’ve met here. (BTW: Yesterday was three years since D-Day – the day I was diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer)

Anyway, recently, in the last few days, a few posts - new threads and replies - have been made or brought back to the top that seemed to inspire less than our best responses. While I firmly believe, and I will argue ‘til my last breath, that people should say what they want to say. Yes, I support FREE SPEECH! But...sometimes it's not what someone says, but how they say it that gets folks wrapped around the axle...think about it…

This is a public and open forum, so people should be welcome to bring up any subject they wish, be it cancer, chemo, side effects, family, politics, religion, love or anything else that rises up in their minds and their hearts and flows through their fingertips. It would be my wish that people could post to their heart’s content and not worry about a disrespectful cyber-reproach. I am loath to read posts that suggest we should not include discussions about any subject – censure and censored speech is a nasty suggestion on an open forum. In my view, this is a disturbing trend in our culture, where people want to suppress other people's speech, even their thoughts, if it doesn't agree with their own personal view, opinion, belief system, etc. We see it almost every day on the news - heck, just watch an episode of The View. It's political correctness run amok. This is the AMERICAN Cancer Society darn it!

While open and forthright discussion should be acceptable, we must acknowledge that we should be careful not to let our messages get lost in our methods, meaning we need to be thoughtful in how we say what we want to say. And when responding to someone else's posts, it is okay to disagree, but it's not okay to be disagreeable and/or disrespectful. If you don't like the subject of a thread, you are more than welcome to leave it alone...you need not participate, you need not reply. However, if you do feel compelled to respond, be nice about it! Nearly all the members here are not the dragons that should be slayed...it's the #*<%!^% cancer that is the enemy!

When I first signed onto this board nearly three years ago I found this to be a loving, welcoming, friendly place full of humor and acceptance. There were times we had heated disagreements, but everyone always came back to the board in a spirit of camaraderie, support, love and friendship. I miss that.

Come on people...SUPPORT one another! And let people be who they are, let people freely seek what they need to find, let people freely and respectfully speak their minds, and let's stay focused on our purpose here - to support and inspire hope in each other.

Now....((((((GROUP HUG))))))

Check out this link – click on FREE HUGS! Below:
FREE HUGS!

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1250
Joined: Mar 2003

Am I the only person who thinks it's funny that nobody is posting anything to this?!?!? lol

Does this mean nobody is capable of saying anything "nice"?

Also, you had AMERICAN in caps.....we must realize that it is NOT restricted to JUST the United States (Go Canada!)

Ok, no more coffee for me! lol

Happy Tuesday!

Stacy

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Sorry, American's only, Republicans preferred. Others need not get cancer
;-)

Check this forum out people, a place to discuss religion and faith.

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Now you're just being rude.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Democrats can come too...

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Don't forget the Libertarians! We wanna come too!

Katie, since you've been on here for quite some time, haven't you noticed there's always a cycle....new members, love-in, adjustment period, controversy, packing bags and leaving, reconciliation, dust-settling, new members, love-in, yada yada yada.

Looking forward to Key West, baby! WooHoo!

peace, emily

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

I'm so glad you'll be coming to CP-KW! Bob and I will look forward to seeing you and the rest of the clan. And it's OPEN to everyone!

Yeah, you're right, we're in some kind of strange cycle here. Just goes to show that to everything there is a season...oops...Bible quote (no, it wasn't the Byrds who came up with that one). Break out the tar and feathers - I prefer soft blue or black feathers...I don't look good in yellow.

"The thought police would get him just the same. He had committed--would have committed, even if he had never set pen to paper--the essential crime that contained all others in itself. Thoughtcrime, they called it. Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you."
- George Orwell, 1984, Book 1, Chapter 1

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

Thanks,

Congrats on having a great time with SpongeBob. I kmow how much you must miss him.

My own over-the-top response to the posting was not to banish any topic, but to stop the arguing. I had a very bad round 2 chemo experience last month, to the point the docs wanted me to quit. I am not a quitter, so yesterday I started round 3. I was anxious, as you can imagine, but with the reduced rate and new drugs (I love Emend!) I made it through day 1 and am still upright! Last month, I went down the first day.

Anyway, all I wanted was support, not negativity. I have a new attitude today, and I even have embraced the new fuzz growing on top of my head. In another post, I likened it to a Chia pet! Do I have to water it daily?

Here's something nice - I get to spend time with my daughter and grandsons today. that makes me happier than anything. They even go to chemo with me (the kids stay in the family area, not the chemo room) They are my light, life and support.

Happy Thoughts! Vicki

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

Check this forum out people, a place to discuss religion and faith.

wesparris
Posts: 11
Joined: Apr 2007

Phillieg,

Why don't you post all your rules for what folks can and can't talk about here - and all the groups of people that you would prefer not frequent this site. Then a plethora of separate sites can be set up by ACS for people that are different than you and have different views than you have....so let's see Republicans with cancer, Democrats with cancer, religious folks with cancer, non religious folks with cancer, politically correct folks with cancer - and all sort of other interests groups with cancer. This way you will not have to associate with those people that have different perspectives than you or be subjected to having to read their posts that contain perspectives that are different from the ones that you hold. Perhaps a site can be started that would include tolerant people with cancer, those that are interested in being with, hearing from, and providing support to all types of people.

I could not believe the venom subjected to that poor soul that had the audacity to to post about seeking to find a soul mate on this site that is comfortable with her health issues. Why be so intolerant of this person...how/why does her post offend you so? How does it so negatively impact your experience on this site? Why is there such a desire to control others perspectives here, just because those perspectives may be different than your own?

Let's turn down the vitriol and be tolerant of the natural healthy differences that exist among all human beings.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4888
Joined: May 2005

I like your idea wes, you'll get the first copy.

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

I hope this does NOT mean, or suggest, that people are are not free to talk about the role of faith in their personal COLON cancer experience on this COLON CANCER board. We would never suggest that people not speak of their relationships with their wife or their husband, their children, their great-aunt Hazel who died of colon cancer, their friends, their neighbors, their doctors, their hair stylist...... Why then would we suggest that people should not speak of their relationship with their faith and their god?

I don't believe the terms and conditions of this message board suggest that talk/topics of religion or faith is not allowed on any particular forum. I do believe however, that the terms and conditions of this message board indeed suggest tolerance - " A User shall not post, provide or otherwise make available any material of any sort...that: ...(g) promotes bigotry, racism or hatred,...."

Again, if someone does not like the subject raised on a thread, they can IGNORE it! There have been topics on Avastin here that I have not participated in because I have no experience with Avastin and I cannot reasonably contribute anything meaningful to the thread. Why can't people do the same with topics on other subjects, like religion...or others....

While I think the new forum is great, I hope that those affected by colon cancer and who have deep faith and spirituality will still come here to post freely...on any subject.

Remember the FIRST AMENDMENT OF THE U. S. CONSTITUTION - THE BILL OF RIGHTS.... Our founding fathers were smart people...

I am not a particularly religious person, spiritual yes - I am not involved in any organized religion - so the point of my post here is not personal with respect to religion. I believe this is one of those slippery slopes...at the point we start saying no to one topic, we then open the flood gate to say no to other topics as well, and this will then no longer be an open forum that is welcoming and open to all people. If you take away your neighbor's right to paint his house pink, you give your neighbor the right to object to your house being blue. The point here? Maybe the next objectionable topic might be music...some people hate jazz...

"The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen." ~Tommy Smothers

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Jazz = so-so ; Country = ugh. Rap = the worst. I see what you mean. This could be the next controversy.

Smothers Brothers = hilarious.

Friends on the boards = priceless.

peace, emily

pink05
Posts: 553
Joined: Mar 2006

Well said, Katie!!! I agree with you 100%

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Katie,

Thanks for speaking up on this. I have really tried to be careful what I say lately and have pretty much avoided commenting on any of the religious discussion in the past week (since I probably overdid it awhile back). But I do feel like I have to walk on eggshells now in what I say & it really shouldn't be like that- it's not fair! A certain person's constant interjections of short, curt hostile remarks lately have really made me not feel well towards this site lately. It's too bad, for sure. Like you said, I hope people will still feel free to post their feelings here. Although I very well may post on the "new" site for religious discussions, when I went to the "this site" shortcut for it, I noticed a couple of people had already posted on it who were clearly not there to discuss their faith, but were there just to talk about how they hope people will utilize that site and stay off the other (this) site (although not said in those words, it was highly inferred, or at least that's how I took it.) I haven't checked it again in a couple of days so I don't know if there's anything more there, but that definitely makes me feel hesitant to even post anything there at all.

Well, onward we go in the fight against cancer-

God bless you all, (and some of you can feel free to ignore that if you don't believe!)
Lisa

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usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Hmmm, you always seem to "get" me. You seem to understand and appreciate my deep gratitude for the old ways... I appreciate that! It's good to see you here - I was beginning to feel a little like I was hanging off the edge of reason. Thanks for the tug back up to solid ground :)

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

Nope, you weren't over the edge. I'm sorry I didn't come to your rescue - I was trying to let things die down. No luck with that!

I 'get' you, too. You should be proud of your contribution to this board and to all of our lives. Welcome back to land!

Hugs,

Kimby

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NWGirl
Posts: 124
Joined: Jan 2008

I just can't get past thinking about how much I'm turning into my mother.....yikes.

tkd3g
Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Peace - Love - Happiness - Flower Power - Sunshine - Beaches - Morning Rainbows - Babies Gentle Smile - Sunrises

I love you, Man.

:)

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

....was groovily said, man!

Hugssss!
~Donna

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

Thank you for your posts. I, too, think dissent and discussion are good things; both stimulate the growth of brain cells! (They probably help build our immunity, too.)

On the other hand, and I mean this respectfully, I think too many people are arguing this point as if it were framed in black and white; in other words, in this discussion of theological speech on the colorectal bulletin board, it would seem that you only have two possible positions in this debate: you are for free speech or you are against free speech. I think it is more nuanced than that.

I ask that you consider the following points.

First, I think the origins for this battle have gotten lost somehow. This discussion did not begin as a general argument about whether people could mention that faith was part of their arsenal to fight cancer. I would venture a belief that the vast majority of people on this board would, without hesitation, defend that kind of free speech on the bulletin board.

The truth is that this board exploded in response to two specific incidents involving posts in the public section of the colorectal bulletin board. One post involved speech that could be interpreted as arguing that "all we deserve is hell" if we don't believe in a specific deity. The second incident, this week, followed a post that seemed to argue that there is a single religious "truth." Two pretty provocative statements. (I don’t want to be accused of misquoting anyone, so I have posted the text to those two posts at the end of this letter.)

As a second point, there is another way to look at the debate going on here that no one appears to have acknowledged. Whenever your belief system (be it religious, secular, political, or whatever) is attacked, in a free society like ours you have at least two possible paths to take. You have a right (as several here have urged) to ignore the insult and walk away. But you also have another, perhaps more honorable, option as well. You have a right to defend your views.

While the free speech issues we face on this bulletin board pale in comparison to those confronted in the incident I am about to cite, I am, nevertheless, reminded of the classic legal anecdote involving a famous ACLU lawyer named A.L. Wirin. His organization was contacted by an infamous anti-Semitic group and asked to defend the group's right to use a school auditorium that was available for public use (they had been turned down in their application to the school district.). Although Jewish, Mr. Wirin represented the anti-Semitic group in court arguing for their rights to free speech and free assembly. He won.

(On the night of the speech, few actually attended the speech but a sizable crowd assembled to protest what the fanatics were saying. A local newspaper published a photo of Mr. Wirin carrying one of the picket signs. In court he had defended the right of the hate group to speak but at the event itself he used his own right of free speech to implore people to reject their ideas. )

My point? Dissent is as American as apple pie. Those who choose to exercise free speech to challenge what they believe is offensive speech are as protected by the concept of the first amendment as are those who use this board to state their views about “hell” and “truths.” And, a challenge to the content of the speech is not necessarily a challenge to the right of the speaker to speak.

Third, there is quite a difference between what you can do and what you should do in life. I’ve only posted one other item on this subject, but I used the can/should argument in that post. (If you are interested, you can read my original post below.) Most of us operate on an ethic that requires that we treat others with the same respect and kindness we hope to receive ourselves. What you can say under the guise of free speech is not always what you should say. Something to think about!

Finally, this is a personal plea for us to find some common ground. A famous eastern religious leader was quoted as answering a question about his religion, "My religion is kindness,” he said. Mine, too. I hope we can all look into our hearts and treat each other with more kindness beginning at this moment.

So… I’ll go first! I don’t claim to know “the truth” and I don’t believe anything terrible will happen to you if you don’t embrace my belief system. And, most importantly, I hope you get well.

Again, thank you for your thoughtful posts. I respect your right to disagree with me.

Hatshepsut

Here are the posts that are referred to in this post:

Posted May 17, 2009 in thread titled: "God and Cancer"

I realize that what I am about to say will not be a popular view on this site, but I feel that it is my job as a Christian to say it.

Seems as though religion has been a huge topic on this board lately. I am always amazed at how two words could stir up so much controversy… GOD & JESUS. Anytime those words are mentioned, you can be sure to get strong reactions from both believers and non-believers. Makes you think, maybe there’s some truth to those powerful names.

Some of you feel that religion has nothing to do with cancer. Well I tend to disagree. Some background about me: My father was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer with liver mets almost 3 ½ years ago. After six months of chemo, the cancer was completely gone. Was it the chemo or supplements that my dad took? Possibly, but keep this in mind: My father's doctor has been shocked at how well my father has done and has called my father his "Miracle Patient". I believe that ultimately, it was a combination of medicine and endless prayers by me, my family, people on this board, and countless others around the world who offered their prayers when we needed them. It was JESUS that healed my father, whether anyone wants to believe this or not. He not only healed my father physically, He healed me spiritually.

This strong resistance to Jesus and lack of respect for Christians has really offended me personally. Why the rejection? Why is it such a taboo topic on this site? Some of you want to know what works for others in their cancer battles. Well, kids, spouses, pets, etc... those things do help a person get through a diagnosis of cancer, but what about God? When I go through a difficult time in my life, He is the first one I turn to. When my father was first diagnosed, I turned to God, and He blessed me with incredible strength. You can't convince me that God doesn't exist or that He doesn't heal. He does exist and He does heal. I bear witness to that.

As for Christians who think that religion should not be part of a cancer board and feel that it doesn't matter who or what you believe in well, the 1st commandment clearly states: "You shall have no other gods before Me." Exodus 20:3

There are numerous healings in the bible, for example, Matthew 8:1, Matthew 9:1, and Luke 4:38.

If you don’t like what is being written, why not just ignore it??? Why be so offended? Why does it bother you so much? Is it because deep down inside, you know the truth? And to all you Christians...please don't be intimidated by others on this site who are attempting to keep you away.

I couldn’t find the original threads that started this whole religion controversy. Obviously, they have struck some sensitive cords. Yes, it is very important to respect everyone and treat everyone like human beings-both Christians and non-Christians alike. I simply ask that non-believers respect Christians and our beliefs just as they want us to respect them.

God bless,

-Lee-

Posted March 29, 2008 under thread titled " Hi from the Uk! 32 Year Old Liver and Lung Mets"

Well said, Mary!
I have 2 choices on how I can deal with this beast. I can be determined to live and ENJOY my life the best that I can, and to continue this fight as long as I can, or I can give up and whine about the lot I have been given. I've never been much of a whiner, although I do have my days! Jesus gave His life on the cross for my sins, and I owe Him nothing less in return!
Just my thoughts.

Better said than any preacher on TV this a.m. Without HIM, all we deserve is hell.

Posted in thread titled "Buzzard"
April 6, 2009 - 3:10pm
A Statement of Conscience
I think you are right Phillieg. I think many people don't want to speak up on the issue of religion on this board. At least in my case, I have hesitated to get into the fray on this issue. While I read this board regularly, I don't post a lot. Since my husband's diagnosis (stage 3/then stage 4), this board has been a comforting anchor for me, a place where I feel safe, where I can get honest information and where I have gotten genuine support from others. I don't want to lose my connection here. I don't want to be unwelcome when I do post.

Carletta is right, too. It is important to stand up for your convictions.

So, I have decided to post this and to stand up for my convictions.

On issues of free speech, most people seem to understand that there is a difference between what you CAN say and what you SHOULD say, particularly if you profess to follow a moral code that honors kindness. And, most seem to understand that there is a profound difference between speaking or writing about the comfort one gets from religion and presuming to direct religious messages unsolicited to others. It is, in my mind, a matter of mutual respect.

While I honor the rights of other board members to believe in whatever religion they choose (or no religion if that is what they choose), I think a line is crossed when people use this board to proselytize. I remember when my husband was in the hospital in 2007 recovering from a major colon cancer operation, an evangelical minister used to regularly walk the halls of the hospital and enter rooms uninvited to preach his beliefs. I was devastated by my husband's illness (I still am); the last thing I needed at that time was someone intruding upon our privacy to push beliefs upon us that we did not espouse. This man's intrusions made my life more difficult at a time when I didn't think that was possible.

With that said, I can't tell you how upset it made me feel to read on this board that my husband and I (who I think are kind, gentle and good people) apparently deserve to rot in hell because we don't share the beliefs stated by a board member in a recent post. That post (and the objection of another board member to that post) seem to have started this debate that threatens to damage this board. I would be less than honest if I did not say that the startling failure of other people of faith on this board to step in and disassociate themselves from that kind of statement has been disheartening.

Hatshepsut

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Hello Hatshepsut,

Thank you for your well thought and well written response.

Your first point, that the origins of the religious debate has been lost, the debate being if religion should be an acceptable topic on an open discussion forum, is not as lost as you might think. When the subject of religion comes up, with each new thread started, it seems the original statement which fueled the original argument rises again to the surface and the “hell” quote is thrown out. So no, the origin of this debate is still simmering on the stovetop, and thus not lost to anyone, most certainly not to those who would rather like to forget it.

So let’s go back to the original thread and the original quote that started this over-heating pressure cooker of a debate. The quote, as Phil knows so well, was, “Without HIM, all we deserve is hell.” The quote taken out of context and without consideration for the person who wrote it suggests that without a relationship with God/Jesus we ALL deserve hell. Was it a provocative statement, especially interpreted in such a way? Yes, without question it was. Was it intended specifically to target any one person or group of people in particular? No, it was a personal response to another person’s post, albeit on the open forum, and perhaps maybe even inappropriately so (I know for certain the person now wishes she had responded in a PM or not at all). Was it intended to inflame or offend? Most certainly not, and the person who posted the statement quickly apologized to everyone.

Sadly the apology did not seem sufficient and the objections to the “hell” statement spiraled into a controversial question of the appropriateness of the topic of religion on this open forum. Even more sadly, the person who posted the original comment, not intending to offend, was lambasted for it…over and over and over again, in thread after thread, post after post. It was that which became the offensive thing to a group of people here, mostly Christian, because it was not so much that a single person was being attacked, but an entire belief system and their right to speak of it freely.

In all the various threads about faith and religion and those who believe or not believe there are posts which implicitly and explicitly suggest religion should not be an appropriate topic on this board. For example, this posted statement which read, “I don't understand how people can leave politics out of this forum but they can't leave religion out of it. The two are one and the same and don't belong in any forum other than a religious or a political forum.” And this, another post, “I agree that everyone is enttitled [sic] to their beliefs but this board isn't really the place for certain things that are said.“ And then there were outright suggestions for the creation of a new and separate message board for those who specifically want to express the role of faith with respect to their cancer experience.

So in the context of outright suggestions and numerous invitations that people of faith should go elsewhere to express the role of faith in their cancer experience, doesn’t it imply that people are not free to express religious views on this forum?

And you aptly point out the right of dissent, and correct in the notion that whatever someone’s point of view might be, free speech must be free to everyone, regardless of what side of discussion or debate a person may be on. With respect to this particular discussion, I don’t recall anyone who started any religious thread or expressed a religious point of view suggested that people who do not agree with them should go elsewhere, like a non-believers (and I use that term VERY loosely here, for lack of a better term) forum, thus suggesting that non-believers should not express their differing views on this forum. Conversely, non-believers have suggested the opposite, that people of faith should take their faith elsewhere.

You are also correct to point out that there is a difference between what one can say and what one should say. However, we are all fallible human creatures and sometimes people speak…or type and hit post…before they really think about what they are saying and what might possibly be interpreted in what is written – things which are read between the lines and are highly subject to interpretation. I did point this out in several posts I’ve made - that people must appreciate that in many cases it is not necessarily what someone says, but how they say it that makes all the difference in how others will respond. In an open forum however, we have to acknowledge we are all different and some will better articulate a point of view than others. With this in mind, we cannot take things so personally, especially if a statement or a post is not directed at us personally.

Now back to my original post….my original post here at the top of this page was to encourage people to be nice, to implore people to be tolerant, and to plead with people to be respectful. When I read the “God and Cancer” thread I suspected it was going to refuel the religion debate, but what really inspired me to make my post was because I was incredibly disturbed to read the responses to and the ridicule of a newbie’s post about looking for a friend of the opposite gender, looking for companionship and romance. I had to write because reading some of those replies/posts became so distasteful to me – they were mean spirited. So what if someone wants to try to make a love connection here! I did. How does that offend anyone? And to admonish or make fun of the person is/was deplorable. It is horrible to welcome a new member in such a way. Anyone who judged, admonished or ridiculed her really should apologize, but this is just my opinion. And so what if someone wants to invite God or their higher power into their cancer experience and share it with us. It is their right! Can’t we be tolerant enough to either share it with them or if it is disagreeable to us then not participate in it? And as for free speech - inviting someone to leave this board because they want to write about religion, or politics, or alternative cancer treatments, or love, or anything else is not exercising their right to free speech, it is exercising intolerance.

My hope now is, after too many words having been written and too many feathers having been ruffled…and too many feelings having been hurt…that we be accepting, welcoming, respectful, and kind to one another. It is with these things that we will enjoy the camaraderie, friendship, and support so many of us have been missing on this board lately.

“By swallowing evil [unkind] words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.” ~Winston Churchill

Coexist

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

USAKAT wrote:
My hope now is, after too many words having been written and too many feathers having been ruffled…and too many feelings having been hurt…that we be accepting, welcoming, respectful, and kind to one another. It is with these things that we will enjoy the camaraderie, friendship, and support so many of us have been missing on this board lately.

“By swallowing evil [unkind] words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.” ~Winston Churchill

Thank you. I couldn't have said it better. You are very eloquent and CORRECT. Words of wisdom and reason.

Kimby

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Welcome home!

peace, Carrot Girl

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Check it out beautiful people...click on the link...

Turn Turn Turn

Turn Turn Turn performed by the Byrds on The Ed Sullivan Show, song was written by the very cool cat, Pete Seeger, inspired by Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Sorry. Didn't have a chance to get on the computer until now, so I'm just responding to this post.

I'd like to participate in the group hug!

*hugs*
Gail

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

Katie - thank you for your posts. They are so right on the target. It uplifted me to read them.

Gail - I am in {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Vicki

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Well said and right on the button.....

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

USAKat:

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post and articulate your views.

You make some interesting points.

I'm afraid, though, that we are going to have to agree to disagree on your opinion that the "hell" quote was taken out of context. I think the quote is open to differing interpretations, some of them provocative, and neither you nor I is the final arbiter. Certainly, a number of people on this board found the statement troubling.

Hatshepsut

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usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Hatshepsut,

Like I said in my first post at the top of this page, it's okay to disagree, but it's not okay to be disagreeable or disrespectful. I think it's abundantly clear that folks have been offended on both sides of the issues mentioned in this thread, and even other threads as well, and you're right, no one is the arbiter of any discourse here.

So where do we go from here?

A really smart person told me once when I was holding a now long forgotten grudge that forgiving if for getting...yes two words.... To forgive doesn't necessarily mean a person should forget, but to forgive is to GET back a life, or at least a relationship, that is free of anger, grudges, judgment, animosity, and hostility. And there have also been studies with resulting evidence that the act of forgiving is healthy - it lowers levels of cortisol, a hormone that can negatively affect the immune system. So forgiveness can be good for a person's health too!

At this point it's time to let it be, LET IT GO, and move on with an appreciation that we have learned things about each other and ourselves, we have agreed to disagree, I'm hoping we have agreed to be nice, tolerant, and respectful, and hopefully to FORGIVE!

I suggest that we, as a group, never mention the "hell" quote again - like John said that dish has been served up too many times and it's apparent we have all had our fill of it - that we do as I suggested above, " SUPPORT one another! And let people be who they are, let people freely seek what they need to find, let people freely and respectfully speak their minds, and let's stay focused on our purpose here - to support and inspire hope in each other."

FORGIVE AND LET LIVE!

forgiveness

trainer's picture
trainer
Posts: 242
Joined: Sep 2008

I've enjoyed PMs with your husband and I can't wait to visit his ship. I enjoyed your comments. Getting all wound up over stuff only stresses those who get wound up, not th person who wrote the words. I'm going to have fun picking on your husband. He's aware of my tongue in cheek attitude toward the Coasties. I can't believe he's at sea for two months. Heck, we were told that you had to be six feet tall minimum to be in the USCG so you could walk ashore if the cutter ever sank. And now he's off for two months?
I was in the Navy for about 28 years active and reserve time. I also lost a number of friends and classmates to various conflicts and I'd hate to think of their loss as in vain if we can't practice free speech.

I retired at the same rank as SpongeBob, so it will be a treat to see his ship and get the tour. Keep it up and bless you for being a supportive USCG spouse. Navy wives, too, are a special class of people. Your comments are most welcome to read. Say hello to SB for me. See you in October, it will be my one year of NED anniversary! Let's party and do the Duval Crawl.-Mike

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Thanks for the note and the encouragement, Mike. I know Bob is looking forward to giving a tour of his new ride to all who are interested. I think he is also going to try to put together a lunch for his SemiColon pals on the flight deck or in the Ward Room. It will be fun.

His Change of Command was very nice. The ship looked fantastic with all the ceremonial flags flying, and decorated with red, white and blue banners. Bob looked so very handsome in his dress white uniform, complete with medals, ribbons, gloves and sword. The Admiral had many great things to say about Bob - I'm immensely proud and honored to be his wife!

And thanks too, for your service in the Navy. I value your friends whom you've lost - their sacrifice is greatly appreciated by many. We will honor them this weekend on Memorial Day.

Looking forward to celebrating life, and your one year NED anniversary, at ColonPalooza in October - so glad you'll be joining us. Yes, the Duval Crawl - we've already picked out a few great places along the crawl route to stop for rest and refreshment! I know it will be a great time..... See you then!

Stay well!

trainer's picture
trainer
Posts: 242
Joined: Sep 2008

Nice hearing from you. Speaking of memorial Day, I am going to Angel's grave. I'm certain you recall his wife, Angelsbaby on this board. I asked her for the location of his grave in the National Military Cemetary north of Phoenix. She gave it to me tonight. That will be hard. I have two other friends buried there. Hope by chance I get to meet her. See you on deck in October!

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Thank you Babs, Kimby, Vicki, Wes, Pink, and Buzzard, and anyone else, for the encouragement. I do appreciate it!

hollyberry's picture
hollyberry
Posts: 176
Joined: Nov 2008

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

Moms differ. My mom used to say stand up for what you believe, even if it is unpopular.

Go figure.

Hatshepsut

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hatshepsut,

I appreciate your thoughts and I admire your "standing up for what you believe in". I was one of the first responders in those "original threads" but have kept pretty quiet about it all lately. I guess you could say I felt "taken to task" by a couple of members and I am gun shy about speaking out on it again. I, too, believe that proselytyzing (sp?) is probably crossing the line & it's possible that I did cross that line at one time. I've stepped back behind the line again,because I do value this board and want to continue to come to this board, but I don't want to always feel here that I can't share anything at all about my faith in God. I do feel sad, though, that certain people are so vehemently upset by it all and choose to respond in such a hostile manner.

Okay, enough said (I think I've used that line before :)

Take care and press on everyone...
*Oh- on a side note...one thing I'm proud to share with everyone- I joined our local gym last week and have actually been strong enough to now have completed three aerobics classes and I've gone through the circuit machines three times now. I'm making progress and am feeling better each day, even though I'm still on the maintenance chemo.

Lisa

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

Lisa,
Fantastic that you are feeling better and working out! You go girl!!
Aloha,
Kathleen

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

It's good to read you are doing so well! And it's good to see you posting here and on other threads as well.

I appreciate what you wrote above, "I do value this board and want to continue to come to this board, but I don't want to always feel here that I can't share anything at all about my faith in God."

I value this board also, as I expressed in the above posts, and that is why I wanted to throw some cyber-water on the group flame wars going on here, and mostly, to encourage people to be respectful of the beautifully different people and their differing views. There just seemed to be too much shaming happening here at our beloved CRC message board, and regardless of someone's point of view, shaming or flaming another member is utterly unnecessary. I hope I made that point, but I'm seeing some my have missed it. Oh, well. I stood up for what I believe in - my mom used to say that too....

Please continue to come back and post/share to your heart's content - about any subject. Hopefully tolerance, compassion, and understanding will be as much a part of this board as the subject of cancer.

Peace!
Katie

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1721
Joined: Nov 2001

I have only one comment,,,G'day all,stay well:) Ron

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