Lost My Mom to Cervical Cancer One Month Ago

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sfalcone
sfalcone Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
I lost my mother one month from this coming Thursday to cervical cancer. My Mother was 63 years old she would have been 64 next week. I am a 33 year old married woman with no children. Since losing my Mother I feel like I am 5 years old. I cry and think about my Mother at least 30 times in a given minute. I call her cell phone just to hear her voice on the voicemail. I was my Mother's sole caregiver. I have one older brother who lives about 6 hours away so most of the everyday responsibilty fell on me. I do not regret taking care of my Mother for one minute. My Mother was beautiful and love God, her family and her friends. She was a young 63, she was just starting to live her life really as she would say a "senior". I can't begin to describe how much my Mother wanted to live, how much she fought until the very end to stay with us. When she was diagnosed she was already in stage 3b and the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes so any surgery for her really was out of the question. After 29 radiation treatments - 3 internal radiation procedures and endless rounds of chemo at the end nothing seemed to help my Mother. She did good for a while, the radiation shrunk the tumor and the side effects weren't too bad, my Mother was able to have a semi normal life, if you can have a normal life again once you have cancer. But she did and she did great. It wasn't until tis past fall that things ended up taking a turn for the worse and she had very bad back pains (from the cancer spreading), nausea, diarrhea and endless endless nights of her not sleeping because the pain just became too much to bare for. Finally on her third trip to the emergency room my Mother did not come home, from the emergency room my Mother went to a hospice, the side effects from the last round of chemo she had just did too much of a toll on her body and her doctor's realized that the chemo was just not working for her. We brought my Mother into the hospice very late on a Thursday night and by the following Tuesday morning my Mom was gone. I cannot to begin to describe the emptiness I feel inside. My Mother was my best friend and the only parent I really have ever known, my parent's divorced when I was 13 years old and my Father died when I was 16. So my Mother was everything to me and now she is gone. I am lost and I would just like to hear from other people who understand the loss I am feeling and if they can offer any advice to me. Will this ever get any better? I love my Mom more then any words could ever describe and I am just completlely lost and devastated. Any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated.

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  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
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    sorry for your loss
    My Mom passed away in 2001 of ovarian cancer. She was 82. If you deal with your feelings and don't bury it inside than it will get better. Maybe writing your feelings in a journal or diary will help. Or make a scrapbook of pictures of happy times you had together. I know you will miss her but she still exists. Be comforted in knowing she no longer has any pain.
  • modinc
    modinc Member Posts: 1
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    lost my mom to triple negative breast cancer
    I love my mother to breast cancer on March 1st at about 11:30pm. I was with her when she passed - we had moved her into home hospice because her health had just taken a turn for the worst - quickly. Like you - I miss my mother so much too. My mom was 66 and I am 41. I have 2 small children and work full-time. But I really did devote as much time as I could to her. And doesn't it feel good to look back on that and realize how well you took care of your mom? I know that's the one thing I can feel proud about - I did the best I could for her. My mother's breast cancer journey started in September of 2006. Like your mom - my mom fought until the end. After chemotherapy, a double mascectomy in april of 07, then my grandma passed (my mother's mom) at the age of 92...she was doing really well in the summer of 2007 and into the fall. But then in October her behavior started changing - I thought it was simply depression from the cancer but finally her oncologis ordered a brain scan and they found a brain tumor. The breast cancer had metastisized into her brain. She had to have brain surgery right away - I could go on and on about that. But really what the brain mets did is they changed her personality - so in a way I feel like I've grieved twice for my mom - a year and a half ago post brain surgery b/c she woke up different - and 3 months ago I grieved because she passed. I have to go now because I am at work but will write more later.
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
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    To Comfort You and know others care...
    I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost my mother when I was 26 years old. I was devastated also. Please know that your mom would want the best for you and for you to continue on every day putting your best foot forward and honoring her by your success in life and kindness to others.

    I have 2 special prayers which I keep near me which have been a great comfort to me.


    In Memory Of a Mother

    “ I remember thee in this solemn hour, my dear mother. I remember the days when thou didst dwell on Earth and thy tender love watched over me like a guardian angel. Thou hast gone from me, but the bond which unites our souls can never be severed; thine image lives within my heart. May the merciful Father reward the for the faithfulness and kindness thou has ever shown me; may he lift up the light of his countenance upon thee, and grant thee eternal peace. Amen.”
  • LBITT4
    LBITT4 Member Posts: 1
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    sfalcone, I see a few months have passed since the loss of your dear mother. My condolences to you, sweetheart. I, like you, felt very much the orphan when my own mother passed away from renal (kidney) cancer in January of 2001. I relate to your pain in that I was my mother's only daughter, the youngest of our family with 3 older brothers. It has been almost 9 years since her passing---I wish I could tell you it will get better, but I still miss my mom every day (I've woken up at 6:30 am with her heavy on my heart today). I'm a single mom and have 3 daughters of my own. And now I am a grandmother to a beautiful little baby girl, my oldest daughter's child. We had a baby shower for her in May and looking back, I recall being very detached from the whole experience. I was missing my own mother so badly that day, but did manage to have a beautiful shower for her just the same. I did exactly what my own mother did when it was time for me to have children--so the shower was for me as much an homage to my mom as it was for a welcoming of the new baby in our lives. Sometimes I worry that I have not "grieved" her properly as I to this day still miss her so terribly. My mother was the "anchor" in our family, and when she passed, MANY MANY things changed. You mentioned feeling lost---I know what you mean by that. Your story touched my heart when I saw you lost your father as well; I myself do not have a close relationship with my father. I love him but he is more of an uncle to me (My brothers have even given him a nickname of "Uncle Dad"). You know, the kind who is in your family but not really involved in your life? I don't fault him, his own upbringing and relationship with his parents was strained and it has affected the way he parents us as his children. I could go on for a bit...please feel free to contact me by way of comment. God be with you during your time of healing. Remember, to every thing, there is a season.....
  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
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    with time it will ease some
    with time it will ease some but you will never forget her how could you. my parents died 6mo. apart nearly 20 yrs. ago and i miss them dearly. your mother will live forever through your memories. when and if you should have children tell them about your mother, tell them wonderful stories that you know about her life and your life with her. i have found comfort in sharing the simplest of stories about my parents. you will laugh and have fun again but you will never forget the one who gave you life.