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Losing friends since mother's diagnosis

HonuBeginnings
Posts: 8
Joined: Mar 2009

Has anyone else dealt with losing friends? I am disabled so I stay home a lot. Most of my communication is through email or IMing. Since I have told them nobody returns my emails. I sent an email saying that I understand the difficulties, that they might not be comfortable talking about cancer. I told them that i would actually prefer not to talk about it because I have to talk to so many people about it all the time that I get irritated. I just want something normal going on in my life and that means emailing with friends. Most are disabled themselves, so I thought they would understand. Is there anything else I can tell them that will make them feel more comfortable? I even skipped going to my mother's day dinner because I didn't want to spend the night talking about how my mother is doing. It was with the in laws and hubby's brother and new wife. They think they are helping by always asking, but I just want some things to be normal, the way they used to be. Every dy I have to deal with paperwork and medical problems for my mother who lives in Hawaii while I live near Las Vegas. She lives with my older sister who is always working. So of course as second oldest everything falls on me. I had to leave my husband and daughter for a whole month, while the rest of my sisters just did what they wanted. It is so much stress and this is why I want a little normal once in a while. But no even my twin moved in with me and is taking advantage of my hospitality. So stressed I even have my health issues getting worse. I just want to be admitted to a hospital so I can get peace and quiet. I hate thinking that. Grrrr I just want my life back even though I know it won't happen right now. I am tired, stressed, and just want to cry every evening. I wish my friends would just play an online game with me, talk about the weather, talk about their kid leaving food all over the kitchen. Is that too much to ask?

4thecause
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2009

Honu, I am so sorry that you feel as if your friends don't understand. I don't think it's too much to ask for them to play an online game with you or to chit chat about the daily happenings. Since you've already emailed them and advised that you don't want to talk about your mom's illness, I think you can resume your normal interaction with them. So send them an email which will prompt them to respond, and things may return to normal. And don't skip any opportunities to get out and mingle with family and friends. The mother's day dinner may have been good for you. Once you would have told them how your mom was doing, then you could have changed the subject to something more enjoyable and the evening may have turned out nice for you. Give it a try! And I hope things get better for you...

4thecause

MichelleP's picture
MichelleP
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2009

I have been having some issues with the same thing recently with some friends. I don't think it's anything personal, it's just that the word "cancer" scares people and they don't know how to react and what to say. It hurt yes, but just try and be patient and don't always focus on the "c-word" when you speak to them. Give them time and they'll be able to open up easier. I know it's not so easy for though is it?

ciderjenny
Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2009

I guess I can say I don't totally understand because I experience the exact opposite. My mother has stage4 non small cell lung cancer. It obviously comsumes my everyday. My friends tend to ignore the whole thing and act well just like you'd prefer them to act. But I will tell you...it's hard! Dealing with a parent that is dealing with cancer consumes your life. It's always on your mind. When your friends ignore it or never bring it up, it hurts. It hurts because it's such a huge part of you. Sometimes I just want someone to say "how are you or how's your mom?" I know they care and they are just nervous about approaching the topic. It's an unhappy medium between trying to do "normal" things and needing the support. Unfortunately, you'll find it in some friends and not in others. I suppose I offer nothing more than another side of the coin. Good luck in your situation.

MadelynJoe's picture
MadelynJoe
Posts: 96
Joined: Sep 2003

Dear Honu:

I am sorry to hear about your Mom and also your difficulties. It has been my experience that many people do not know what to say so they say or do nothing. Let your buddies know that you need some normalacy in your life right now and interaction with them would be appreciated. I'll be you will be surprised at the response. People want to help but don't know how.

Also, the chat rooms on this site are excellent for expressing your feelings and emotions. I have found them most helpful.

Best regards,

Madelyn

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