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loss of the love of my life

Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2009

After an almost three year battle against colon cancer, I lost my wife Martha on March 9,2009.
We were married for 12 years (would have been 13 in June) but we were together for 22 years.
I didn't know such pain and grief was possible. I knew she wasn't doing well the last two months and she was in much pain. Her death was sudden nonetheless. She was the woman I was going to happily spend the rest of my life with, but now life seems so pointless. In 1987,
my right leg was amputated after a motorcycle accident caused by a drunk driver. Martha and I had just started dating. It made no difference to her. I was amazed how such a beautiful, sweet, person could love me so unconditionally. I feel so lost and alone without her. I know
she would want me to go on with my life, but right now I'm just existing from day to day.
Compared to losing my love, an amputation was a picnic. I hate coming home to a quiet and empty house. Most of the people we knew were Martha's friends, so the phone calls and visits
have steadily diminished to almost nothing. I knew when we started dating that she couldn't
have any more children (she had a son and daughter by her first marriage) but that didn't matter to me. I felt like she was a special gift from God. Why would you be given such a gift
to have it taken away so soon? Martha was 52, but looked much younger.I miss her terribly.
I don't know how much more of this pain and loneliness I can take.

zahalene's picture
Posts: 680
Joined: Nov 2005

but I do offer my sincere condolences.
Please believe that coping will get easier with time.
Grief is a process and part of the work we have to do is in finding ways to deal with what must be dealt with. I am sure this is no great revelation to you. You learned to move ahead and function after the loss of your leg, and I fully understand that this is a much greater loss. Never the less you will gradually adopt new coping mechanisms for this as well.
Coming here was a good step. You will find understanding, sensitive people here and there is no need for you to feel isolated in your grief. Some 'real life' contacts might be a good idea as well, such as a support group or temporary grief counseling might be some options.
Reaching out to comfort and support others in like situations is therapeutic for some people as well, but don't rush it. Accept the support of others for awhile and you will know when the time is right for you to 'pay it forward'
God bless.

angelsbaby's picture
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

Lost angel on april 16th 09 my husband of 35 yrs he was 53 colon cancer I miss him so much he was my first and only love he too was in alot of pain til the end that just about killed me, I take one day at a time but each step I take gives me the strenght to go on. sorry for your loss.


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