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Dad has Stage IV lung/liver in hospital now

lizrider's picture
lizrider
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2009

Dad had to go to the hospital this morning after he fell onto the bathroom floor at home. Dad is 75, mom also 75. My husband had to go pick him up off the floor and put him back in bed. His legs just stopped working. He is totally dehydrated and has diarehha (sp) and isn't eating. He is in hospital now and I am happy he is there as at least someone will be there. Mom isn't capable of taking care of him, she is good if you have a cold and she makes you soup but that's the extent of her capabilites. I feel like I need to put DAd in a home when he gets out of the hospital unless he can walk again. Doctors haven't talked to us yet. I work during the day but am starting to think I need to take a leave of absense until he is stettled down. Also I have two boys age 15 and 9. The 15 year old is not 100% up to speed on grandpa's situation but he is close and the 9 year old doesn't know anything yet. So much to think about I was hoping that social worker at hospital would help but she just wanted me to rent a room at a board and care facility for $5000 a month and we are not rich (hello). Dad has been EXTREMELY stubborn and will not allow me to do anything about his care so far. I need to intervene but am having trouble with the correct steps to take. Any advice is welcome. Thanks to all

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

You might want to consider home hospice. This will get around dad's stubbornness by allowing him to live at home, while providing you and the family with an all-important daily visit from a health professional who can see to some of your dad's critical needs while educating you and mom, if possible, on how you can better help as well.

I am not sure of dad's medical coverage, of course, but such service is often covered. You may want to check into it.

Best wishes to dad and his family!

Take care,

Joe

mismelissa27
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2009

Hello. I am so sorry to hear about your dad and unfortunately, I am in the same boat. My mother was diagnosed in March. She just spent a week in the hospital as she was dehydrated and has been losing weight. She has lost 40 pounds in the last month. You may want to take a leave of abscence. I do not know where you work, but I was able to take a leave of abscence and use FMLA which will protect your job for a certain amount of time and you may want to check and see if your company has a sick leave pool. I am able to stay home for about 3 months without having to worry about my job or income. I cannot attest to the stubborness of your dad. Luckily, my mother has realized that she needs help and has let me step in to take care of things. I stay home with her right now and am looking into how to keep her at home as she does not want to go into a nursing home and we do not have the money to hire a private nurse or anything. She does not have insurance and does not qualify for medicaid or medicare so I understand your financial concerns! As for the hospital, I am not sure where you live but if you have another hospital in town, contact thier patient affairs department. They should be able to help you find some information that you need. If you do not have another hospital in your town, like me, we only have one, go to the nearest town and contact their department. It may help to try to speak with your dad about what is going on and explain that accepting help does not mean that he is weak or incapable of taking care of himself. I am lucky in the fact that my mother had breast cancer 13 years ago and tried to do it all on her own and learned really fast that she needed help. It might also help to reach out to cancer support groups in your area. If your dad is willing, it might benefit to have someone around his age talk to him about the treatments to come etc. and maybe they can help him understand that you are there to help. Its hard for them as they feel like they are the parents and need to be the ones taking care of your instead of the other way around. I also think it is harder for men to adjust to this situation. I have added you as a freind and would like to stay in contact if you would. We seem to be at about the same stage in diagnosis and treatment with concern to our parent. If I think of anything else, I will let you know. Please feel free to contact me just to talk. God bless you and I pray for you and your family.

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