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Drugging the fear and pain away

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2009

People, I'm not strong. My wife, the patient, handles this many, many times better than I do. All at once, I have my wife's old breast cancer come back, matasasized (sp?) into lung cancer. At the same time, my girlfriend (it's okay, my wife approved) decided she wanted to be more responsible for herself and "independent", so though she calls three or four times a day with her concerns and needs, and though we still see each other, she's not "there for me" when my wife's cancer is in the scariest phases, leaving me alone with it. I drug myself a lot, just to keep from the easiest solution, eating a bullet. But this is no good, tolerance grows, expenses grow, and we need to concentrate on my wife, not on me.

What I'd like to know is if anyone out there knows of a drug that my VA doctor might give me that will ease the pain. I'm sure some of you out there know exactly what's hitting me, we've been together 39 years, and I had what I thought was a firm deal with Jehovah that she'd outlive me. So I hope and pray for a remission, but the fear, the pain, it washes over me like big, big surf, it becomes the definition of life and each night I solemnly pray not to ever wake up again as I drug myself into sleep. This is no good. The VA is willing to handle the sleeping part by upping my Klonopin dose (it makes me sleep), but during the day I've got to find ways to remain alert, undepressed, and most importantly POSITIVE around my wife.

Has anyone any suggestions as to a substance I might ask either the MD or the shrink for that might make life bearable again? Opiates are out, they know I self-medicate and the idiot system would rather keep me on the streets than make it medically supervised (I have a medical condition myself.. but it doesn't matter, it's nothing compared to my wife's malady.. although not curable, it's not considered terminal, as they're calling her).

Any ideas out there?

-El Dave

Cindy54's picture
Posts: 454
Joined: Aug 2006

Dave..Sorry about your situation. It sounds like you have many things going on at once..and they are all emotional. Rather than drugging yourself into a stupor to ease the pain, the only way to deal with it is to go through it. Opiates are not the real answer. I know this is not what you were hoping to hear. You need to be alert for your wife and her situation so you can make clear decisions. And as far as the girlfriend goes, well, she has pain also because she is sharing your heart with someone else. So if it seems like she is not there all the time for you, it might be her way of self-protection. All three of you in this situation are hurting. There is one drug that you might ask about..Bextra. It is a mild anti-depressant. It is not a miracle over night cure. It is a drug that works slowly until one day you will just wake up and think, gosh, I feel better. It does help you sleep and think more clearly. And takes a lot of the heavy emotion out. I was on this for awhile to cope with many things going on in my life. It takes about two weeks or so to begin getting into and building up in your system. Finally, is there someone you can talk with at the VA or some other place? I think you really could benefit from being in a support group where others are sharing their stories. You can lean on each other. Let us know how you are doing.....Cindy

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