when is it ok to cry

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ragrant
ragrant Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have a caregiver that will not let me cry.....I tell her that crying is a way for me to release my grief. I am recuperation from bilateral mastectomy and I have my good days and bad days.... How can I make her see my side?
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  • babebussie
    babebussie Member Posts: 150
    #2
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    Look girl, you cry whenever
    Look girl, you cry whenever you want to. Crying is very normal when your going through this kind of illness. Anyone that doesnt let you release that grief isnt supportive of you at all. I dont understand how anyone can even say that to you. I'm appauled, really. I wish i could give you a big hug right now and just let you cry until you dont have any tears left. Hell i cry all the time. It could be at work, home, shopping, lovemaking, yeah, then too. I feel so much better after and it makes me feel like i can go on and continue my fight. You tell your caregiver to back off and let you deal with this in a normal way!!! Normal is CRYING!! Besides, she doesnt need to see your side, she's not YOU!!!! Tell her to leave you alone.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #3
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    babebussie said:

    Look girl, you cry whenever
    Look girl, you cry whenever you want to. Crying is very normal when your going through this kind of illness. Anyone that doesnt let you release that grief isnt supportive of you at all. I dont understand how anyone can even say that to you. I'm appauled, really. I wish i could give you a big hug right now and just let you cry until you dont have any tears left. Hell i cry all the time. It could be at work, home, shopping, lovemaking, yeah, then too. I feel so much better after and it makes me feel like i can go on and continue my fight. You tell your caregiver to back off and let you deal with this in a normal way!!! Normal is CRYING!! Besides, she doesnt need to see your side, she's not YOU!!!! Tell her to leave you alone.

    Crying
    If it feels like this is what you need, you do it! Any time Anywhere. Exactly what Babebussie said too. (hey nice to meet you both)... My husband thought it was abnormal that I didn't cry sometimes, his religious nutcase auntie told him to "Make Me"...What a crock.... Eh?.. I cried when I needed to, you must do too.. Good Luck Hun, sling that so called caregiver to the kerb. She sounds like one of them Victorian Nannies........(Stiff Upper Lip, Lie back and think of England.....sod that!) Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #4
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    Hun, it does not make one
    Hun, it does not make one BIT of difference whether she sees your point or not. SHE isn't the one going through this. You do what works for you. And if she can't handle it, get another care giver.
  • jakeca
    jakeca Member Posts: 92
    #5
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    Crying
    I made it through diagnosis, surgery, and chemo with only a couple of crying spells. I was so proud of myself. I am halfway through radiation now, a much less stressful situation than surgery or chemo, and I found myself bawling the other day over NOTHING and I could not stop. I think it was just all pent up inside me from those months of "bravery." So I say let it out when you need to.
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #6
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    zahalene said:

    Hun, it does not make one
    Hun, it does not make one BIT of difference whether she sees your point or not. SHE isn't the one going through this. You do what works for you. And if she can't handle it, get another care giver.

    YUP
    I second that zah, get a new caregiver is they are not supportive!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #7
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    HMMMM
    Sounds more like Attila the Hun, what right does this person have to tell you when you should or should not cry. Whoever this person is it sounds like caregiving is not his/her forte. Of course you want to cry and well you should, not all of the time of course but occasionally is very normal. No explanation is needed if they do not wish to see you cry they can leave the area, it is healthy and gives you release. Many hugs from one who has shed many a tear over this nasty cancer and most likely will cry sometime in the future over cancer as well.

    Many Hugs,

    RE
  • Jan_M
    Jan_M Member Posts: 116
    #8
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    If you can't change your
    If you can't change your caregiver, discuss this with your Dr. and cancer team. You need someone who will give you the support you need, whether it is crying or just someone to talk to with out judgement. We all need a good cry now and then.


    Big Hug to You!
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #9
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    Ragrant
    i find that tears come at some of the most unpredictable times. at first i told some that it was a side effect of the chemo (not unlike chemo-brain) that didn't work for very long especially with people that know me. i was told that i have always been like a toasted marshmallow trying to remain strong and crunchy on the outside..but soft and gooey inside. i don't know about that... but they didn't believe that my watery eyes were at all related to chemo! and they are right. there is not a thing i can do about it when the tears come...it's God cleansing my soul.

    you shouldn't have to get her to see your side, being a caregiver she should already have enough empathy for you to give your soul the time to grieve and feel sad about the things the beast has stolen. you go ahead and cry, scream, rant and rave. you are a woman with emotions not a robot. and if your uncaring caregiver doesn't like it...toodaloo buckaroo!! great big cyber bear hugs to you!
    jackie
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    #10
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    I cried A LOT. Still do and
    I cried A LOT. Still do and not always about the beast. It is nice when crying gets to be no big deal. I can continue to talk through my tears and carry on. Not only do I personally like to cry as a stress release but I believe it is good for you. Let your caregiver read these responses. Sometimes supporters think they can save you pain or despair just by saving the tears. That is kind of like throwing your bills away..you may not see them but you still owe them! Perhaps your caregiver got the same message growing up about not crying as a child. That is sad. Sounds like you need to give some care and education to your provider! You can cry here anytime! We need an icon for tears....
    love, Joyce
    and nice to see you again, Babe!
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #11
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    When is it OK to cry??
    Anytime!! Who is this caregiver anyway? And what right does she have to tell you you can't cry. How could she be so uneducated about life trauma's in this day and age.? Perhaps if you mention to your doctor he/she could have a word with this "care???giver" Good luck to you and let us know how you make out.
    love
    jan
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #12
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    Cry!!!!
    Not LET you cry??? How dare she? I picture her as one of the birth/delivery charge nurses telling the laboring mother-to be to stop whining at each progressively worse labor pain!!! It is absolutley your decision/need to cry if and when you want to! You don't need permission or anyones blessing! So there!

    I smiled when I saw your screenname...get a RAG and RANT as long as you want to! When you've finished ranting and wiping your eyes and nose with that rag, you'll be fine until the next time you need that release.

    I don't generally bring out the Bible as a reference, but to those believers in the room (and perhaps your caregiver is one of them) even JESUS cried when he heard that his friend Lazurus had passed~ and Jesus had the power to resurrect him! If emotional things affected Jesus, why should we imagine that we can sail through cancer and its treatment emotionally unscathed?
    Just a thought!

    Do what you need to do ! Cry or don't cry! But again, it's YOUR call!

    Hugs, Claudia
  • babebussie
    babebussie Member Posts: 150
    #13
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    Joycelouise said:

    I cried A LOT. Still do and
    I cried A LOT. Still do and not always about the beast. It is nice when crying gets to be no big deal. I can continue to talk through my tears and carry on. Not only do I personally like to cry as a stress release but I believe it is good for you. Let your caregiver read these responses. Sometimes supporters think they can save you pain or despair just by saving the tears. That is kind of like throwing your bills away..you may not see them but you still owe them! Perhaps your caregiver got the same message growing up about not crying as a child. That is sad. Sounds like you need to give some care and education to your provider! You can cry here anytime! We need an icon for tears....
    love, Joyce
    and nice to see you again, Babe!

    Hey Joyce:-)
    Girl i thought i was done with this beast. I guess the cancer decided to visit other body parts. Dr said we can fix it and i trust her and have faith in God. The CT/Bone scan showed it spread to my bone/hip, so it hurts pretty bad. She started me on femara which i will start today. So....here we go again.
    Thanks Joyce!
    P.S Hey how do i send someone an email on this site?
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    #14
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    babebussie said:

    Hey Joyce:-)
    Girl i thought i was done with this beast. I guess the cancer decided to visit other body parts. Dr said we can fix it and i trust her and have faith in God. The CT/Bone scan showed it spread to my bone/hip, so it hurts pretty bad. She started me on femara which i will start today. So....here we go again.
    Thanks Joyce!
    P.S Hey how do i send someone an email on this site?

    Dang. Sorry that you have
    Dang. Sorry that you have to go another round. At least you have a doctor that you can trust. But, all that pales next to a God you can trust. You can send emails from the prompt on your first sign in screen that says email. There may be a way to directly email from this page, but I don't know it.
    I've missed your powerful spirit. Take care! love, Joyce
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    #15
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    babebussie said:

    Look girl, you cry whenever
    Look girl, you cry whenever you want to. Crying is very normal when your going through this kind of illness. Anyone that doesnt let you release that grief isnt supportive of you at all. I dont understand how anyone can even say that to you. I'm appauled, really. I wish i could give you a big hug right now and just let you cry until you dont have any tears left. Hell i cry all the time. It could be at work, home, shopping, lovemaking, yeah, then too. I feel so much better after and it makes me feel like i can go on and continue my fight. You tell your caregiver to back off and let you deal with this in a normal way!!! Normal is CRYING!! Besides, she doesnt need to see your side, she's not YOU!!!! Tell her to leave you alone.

    Where have you been babe?
    Where have you been babe? We haven't seen you post in a while. Hope everything is well with you. Put up a post and let us now how you are. Hugs, Lili
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    #16
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    Rag, I think you need a new
    Rag, I think you need a new caregiver. What's the matter with her? And what does she know about what you are going through? You cry whenever and as often as you want. You need to grieve for the have beens and then you will be ready to embrace the new you. She doesn't need to SEE your side, she needs to comprehend and but out. Hugs, Lili
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #17
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    babebussie said:

    Look girl, you cry whenever
    Look girl, you cry whenever you want to. Crying is very normal when your going through this kind of illness. Anyone that doesnt let you release that grief isnt supportive of you at all. I dont understand how anyone can even say that to you. I'm appauled, really. I wish i could give you a big hug right now and just let you cry until you dont have any tears left. Hell i cry all the time. It could be at work, home, shopping, lovemaking, yeah, then too. I feel so much better after and it makes me feel like i can go on and continue my fight. You tell your caregiver to back off and let you deal with this in a normal way!!! Normal is CRYING!! Besides, she doesnt need to see your side, she's not YOU!!!! Tell her to leave you alone.

    I like you Babe!
    What you say is so perfect! Thanks for that!
  • jeanne1948
    jeanne1948 Member Posts: 18
    #18
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    anytime you need to
    You just let it out whenever you need to and do not hold back. What your body is going through physically as well as mentally is major. If anyone does not approve, just ignore them. I had some like that and I realized that what they thought did not matter because they were not going through and had not gone through cancer. Those that did have the experience or were caretakers completely understood.
  • divablu
    divablu Member Posts: 75
    #19
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    Good Advice for Everyone ...
    Cry whenever you want too. I guess I agree with what everyone has said her. You are going through A LOT ... Tears can be a positive release.

    Cry whenever you need too.

    Have your care giver read all the wonderful comments you have received here ... then tell her to get a grip!

    Heal well and be kind to yourself ... the care give should be EXTREMELY kind to you as well.
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #20
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    Sweetie..you cry whenever
    Sweetie..you cry whenever you want to. We all do at times..it can't be helped. Allow yourself to express your fear, pain or whatever in anyway that you want. Take care of yourself!
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #21
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    I can't believe someone
    I can't believe someone would tell you to not cry after what you and all of us are going thru. How truly insensitive. You cry when you feel you want to. Don't listen to whoever your caregiver is. This is about you!

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