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Overwhelmed again and again

slickwilly's picture
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

I thought we needed a new page for this topic as the other was getting too long. And what overwhelmed us yesterday has taken a backseat to today's problems. Today it was our tax system and having to go back two years as it took 16 months to get my disability. I am so glad my wife has an accounting degree and does not have chemo brain like me. Just looking at paperwork causes frustration in my life. When I was younger a hospital form took one minute to fill out. Now I need extra pages and carry a list of all my medications in my wallet. I can't imagine what its like for Blueroses to remember so many years of treatment. Heck she can't remember her debit card at the store. Just kidding Blue! I once forgot my daughter at a gas station and drove 15 miles home. Only god knows why my parents drove into the same gas station and found her crying on the sidewalk. I was on my way back out the door when my parents pulled in the driveway with my daughter who thought I abandoned her. I am starting to think anyone with cancer should be given a laptop computer and a briefcase. We would all look like business men and women running to our appointments. Have a good day. Slickwilly

hollyberry's picture
Posts: 176
Joined: Nov 2008

We were on our way to Montana to see our grandparents in an old '63 police cruiser- mom, dad and 6 kids. We stopped for gas in North Dakota and my dad forgot my sister Lori; it took 45 minutes before they figured out she was missing. I, personally, thought it would have been better to leave her there- being my "mean" big sister and all. Besides, it would have made for a much better story, don't ya think? "Just kiddin"!!
I know what you mean about taxes and chemo brain, though. I had to let my husband do all of it this year, as I wasn't even sure which month I quit working or if I quit my second job last year or the year before- time flies when you're havin'... and that disability thing, what a nightmare that can be. I'm grateful for the help, but could it be anymore complicated!?! I did get lucky and was approved in six months- as soon as they found out my prognosis was 6 months. But I fooled them, Slick, I've made it more than 7 so far- HA HA!!
Hope it all goes well with feds; I do get the feeling we may be getting I.O.U.'s this time around, though. What do you think?
Much Love,

slickwilly's picture
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

Hollyberry. I will just be happy to break even. It seems to be the story of my life "breaking even". Even with my cancer I had a 50-50 chance. You on the other hand have already beaten them. Each day you are a thorn in the side of someone who wants to spend our tax dollars on some worthless study. You might be holding up a study on snow snakes, long billed dock runners or side hill dodgers. All of which do not exist, but we tell the tourist about them ha ha. Ya gotta laugh when someone is looking for snakes in the snow.
My wife has gotten real good at reading my frustration level. When I was dealing with the State, Long term disability and Social Security I had my fill of paperwork. It seemed like everyone was sending me mail and wanting a response the next day. Sometimes I got the mail after the date they needed a response by. They wanted a way out of paying me and my doctors wanted to get paid. Its a stressful situation when you really don't need any added stress. I am sure you understand. Some gov employee is not going to understand chemo brain or accept it as an excuse for being late with something. I thank God that we have spouses that will step up to the plate when we have reached our limit. Much Love to you also Hollyberry. Hug your kids and husband and tell them how much you love them. It seems we can never do that enough. Slickwilly

Posts: 50
Joined: May 2007

I don't remember if I ever replied to the first posting.(HaHa) No, it isn't chemo brain. It is simply stress, anxiety and trying to do two or more things at the same time. It's always been that way for me but is just intensified since my dx. I am a methodical person and like to be in control. Imagine that!!!!! During the course of treatment and now the recovery which apparently is life long, I lost all control of my life and my space. I keep trying to get it back but it just doesn't seem to work. The battle starts each day when I open my eyes and doesn't end till I close them at night. It even seeped into my dreams until I recently gave into the need to stay on drugs(HAHA) to control it. Truth is I find it very frustrating that no matter how hard I try I can't control it without the prescribed meds for depression, panic, anxiety ect. Even bigger truth!!! I still can't control things. A mental list of things I wanted done a week ago is still not done. Why? Because things kept getting added to the the list until it became so overwhelming that none of it got done. I simply don't know where to start when that happens to me. Strange thing is I have the answers to it all. Problem is I can't seem to get myself into that space where I can utilize the answers. The other thing that inhabits my progress is I am tired. By the time I manage to do what absolutely has to be done for the day I want to lay down and sleep cause I am just exhausted from it all. Thus things from todays list gets pushed to tomorrows list and so on and so on until it is just too much to even think about at that point. Oh yeah, this has been going on for the past two years since my dx. First because I couldn't do the things that needed done and then because it was all too much to catch up on. Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that I wouldn't ask for help or allow anyone to help even if they offered it. Why? Come on now! Do you really see me giving up that kind of control? If I don't do it then I can't control the outcome. How could I ever let that happen? No!!!!! I AM NOT CRAZY!!!! Just venting as women do to sort it all out in my mind. Do I want someone to fix it? NO! Do I want feedback ? Yes! I always appreicate any thoughts that are offered. So as usual, I need to go since all the things I wanted to do this morning still aren't completed and it's now time to move on to the things that have to be done this afternoon. Vicious circle here I come!!!!! Thanks to all who come here and post for letting me vent in my own way.
Hugs and prayers

lindaprocopio's picture
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

I, too have always been very controlling and micro-managing in my business style (okay, in my LIFE! HA!) and that's been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I have my own little business and have a lot of contractural agreements I must fulfill and 10 employees that count on me to keep the business going. Over the years my staff has gotten used to my hands-on hovering oversight. But when I got my diagnosis in September, I knew that I had to give these very capable people some slack to work directly with our clients without my intervention, and take some of the 'quality control' (emphases on 'CONTROL') work I always did and assign someone else to that responsibility. I backslide all the time, whenever I feel good at all, jumping back into relationships that are working fine without me, but anxious to remain the 'last eyes on everything' and the primary contact person. ("All things to all people": my self-proclaimed job description.) But you know, I'm slowly learning that "if you want something done right, you may NOT have to do it yourself." It may not be MY 'right' way, but it will be just as good, or darn close. And by reluctantly giving up a little control, my little business may just survive me. And if I DON'T relinquish some control now while I'm still here and can still make corrections personally if I've given them too much rope, I will surely lose that legacy and the business income my family may need after I am gone.

Which is my convoluted way of saying, maybe those of us that may not have the 30 more years we THOUGHT we had, need to start empowering and training those that we have always 'controlled' and babied, to make their own good decisions. Maybe we control freaks need to start chopping up our 'To Do' lists and assigning tasks to the others who will have to step up after we are gone, so that they can build the abilities and confidence while we are here to help them. I'm not just talking business; I'm talking spouses and children and friends. (stepping off my soapbox).

Dreamdove's picture
Posts: 175
Joined: Sep 2008

I'd hate to think if I got to the point in which I'd need Dissability after hearing you guys plus others talk about how difficult it is to get it. And it is always people who really need it. How do they expect a person to hold down a job if you are too sick and it's not like some other illness where they fix you up with meds or surgery and you are all better. And what if one is alone or has children to support? What then? I can't help but worry that if my cancer comes back (stage 3c ovarian) I will be forced to work no matter how bad it is. Two years ago I worked all thru chemo, after the surgery. I didn't have any choice. There wasn't any sort of temporary dissability. I'm just lucky that I was ok enough to handle it. I have a friend in another state that has been unemployed since Jan. 2008 for severe rhematoid arthitis, so bad she can't drive or write, needs help taking a shower, has to go around in a walker or a wheelchair.She is only in her late 40s. And yet the Dissability hasn't come thru yet. During this time her husband got laid-off his job. Fortunately, they managed somehow. It just sounds very, very frustrating to have to deal with trying to get dissability if you are very sick. A sense of humor goes a long way, I'm sure. Patience also.

slickwilly's picture
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

On keeping control. I worked in a prison and myself and one other officer would control 240 inmates for 8 hours. We handled every kind of sick thing you can think of and made decisions is split seconds when fights or assaults would start. If the prisoners saw any weakness you were a target. It has taken me 6 years to get over the control factor "YET" I found myself lining up veggie and soup cans in my kitchen cabinets yesterday. And I keep a constant watch on the shoes lined up at my doorway as there better not be any sticking out. Holy, I feel like Monk the T.V. detective with his many disorders. I just moved my control from the outside world and into my home ha ha. So I control what I can and move on with the rest.
Disability seems to be geared towards weeding out those that are looking for a free check. As there is so much abuse of the system it makes it hard for those that really need it. Sometimes they will pick cases to push through the whole system and other times people will get it right away. And the more doctors and hospitals that are brought into it the harder it becomes as they need to verify everything. In my case 24 doctors and 4 hospitals were weeded down to my one GP, two Neurosurgeon and two pain management doctors. I guess the good news is that they pay back to the filing date and in my case the judge ordered payment all the way back to when my Neurosurgeon said I was done working. But it was a stressful struggle for 16 months and I am glad its done. At least now I know what I have coming from month to month. Have a good night. Slickwilly

Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

My son was my first experience. Being ADHD and borderline IQ was a struggle then I worked with all kinds of people with disabilities and behaviors. I learned I could not control what I could not control. It was hard at times. But I tried getting disability for my son and we made 100 dollars too much a month. My husband struggled a year and a half trying for disability and then with work comp 13 years before a settlement then as I said I worked with people with disabilities and learned what and who to go to for what. It was hard and long process and Slickwilly Iam so glad your thru it after what you went thru. I had a 2 inch thick file and had worked 5 1/2 years with cancer then had to apply by drs orders and got it in two months due to the excellent person at the cancer center and the dr. I am getting some of my husbands SSA as well so that helped too. Being I only have my income to live off of I am lucky. But going thru with son and husband and my clients taught me a lot and showed me things that can be twisted in the system. And to show me how lucky I am.
Prayers and Hugs To all

slickwilly's picture
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

All I can say is that I am sorry everyone here has to go through this. It does not matter how prepared you are or what you have or don't have. Cancer and death will quickly put you on a equal footing. All of the money and resources in the world sometimes don't mean much. Just ask someone who has lost a child or loved one what they would give to have them back. I am sure everything would be on the plate. We can only pray that everyone will see a little light at the end of the tunnel. That everyone here will have a little better day tomorrow. That you will have less pain, less stress and someone will smile and make your day. Or that they will give you a hug and tell you that they love you. AHHH I love those days. Hugs to everyone Slickwilly

blueroses's picture
Posts: 527
Joined: Jul 2008

what's your point Slick? lol. Who says I remember 20 years of treatment? Happily I have forgotten lots about it but many of the major incidents have stuck. I bought a couple of trolly filing carts that are waist high when you are sitting at a desk. They have rollers on the legs and are fantastic for easy spotting of files. I try and keep my paperwork well organized if at all possible but at the end of the week I always have a little pile of papers to deal with. You are lucky to have your wife to help you Slick, it's just me here but for taxes I get an accountant to do mine. Mine are pretty easy but I just can't think about that too so I get it done. The files are at the accountants now, took them last week, they will be all done by March 7th so that's good. Hope the news isn't too bad.
Chemo brain certainly makes life a full time job though for us, doesn't it? Oh I feel so bad for you Slick, forgetting about your daughter like that but I can sooooooooo see me doing something like that too. I'm sure she understands. Hugs, Blueroses.

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