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Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2009

While I was a survivor and as a caregiver anxiety has become a huge issue. How do I remain feeling like myself without having that urge to have to be responsible for everything. I was told by a friend to try your best to be as it was before the diagnosis and not feel completely responsible for every little thing like his happiness etc..(except in those detrimental situations of course). I am relaxed when alone or out living life but when I get around my signifant other it just comes..being on edge. I mentioned it to him(probably shouldn't have )and the anger came then. Looking forward to your input everyone.

soccerfreaks's picture
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

I am not a medical professional nor a counselor. But here is what I would say to you:

It is normal for you to have anxiety at this juncture, just as it is normal for your significant other to be in an anger mode. These are both emotions, psychic states, even, that are not unexpected in survivors and caregivers.

Why you feel so free away from your loved one while so tense in his presence is probably something to explore with a therapist rather than with a friend. I can tell you, and, again, this is just my opinion, which you are not paying for, bear in mind, your friend is WAY off the mark!

You cannot simply pretend that reality does not exist; you cannot simply pretend that things were as they were. Not only is it an illusion, but it is an unsafe illusion, and your friend is directing you, not unkindly, I am sure, down the wrong path.

It is time to step up, acknowledge reality, whatever that is for you and your loved one (you do not say), and then work together to make your lives better...not just his but yours as well.

Denying reality is a losing proposition. Pretending is a losing proposition.

Deal with it, figure out what is wrong, correct it, and move on.

I would suggest therapy, frankly, someone who can talk to you from a professional view and help you sort out your feelings.

Best wishes to the two of you, and good luck!

Take care,


Posts: 5
Joined: Feb 2009

yes, I think my therapist who I referred to as "friend" was mistaken. I have been wanting to change psychiatrists anyway. I am having trouble getting my significant other to go to the doctor, he and I both know his symptoms indicate so but I am not in control it's his body. I can't get all angry about it, all though I feel this is what contributed a great deal to where he is at now. What's going on with you?

Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

I am not sure where you go to Dr but I know my Cancer Center has counselors You can talk to. They are there for family and friends as well as patient. If they don't know the answer they find out for you perhaps where your at is the same thing. I am a 7 year off and on chemo survivor of ovarian cancer. Two years after I was diagnosed my husband was with lung cancer stage 4. I took care of him in between chemos. We do feel like why and how long? Well only God knows that answer and we just keep fighting until the cure. My husband was angered at himself for smoking but sometimes it seemed he was angry at other things. He didnt always realize it. But he was strong and helped me to be stronger. I was exhausted when he passed but thankful I was there. I hope you find your answers and remember miracles do happen.
Prayers and Hugs

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