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Plasmablastic lymphoma

Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2009

Hi all, I am new to this, my husband was diagonsed with this in October of 2008. He was so seriouly ill that we almost lost him. He has surived surgery, 5 bouts of chemo, and now is facing a stem cell transplant.And I am so scared. I try so hard not to show him. He is doing so well, that some times during the day I think that things are normal.But he is not one to do things for himself, like making appointments, listening to all that the dr's say, being in charge of his medications and on and on. I have a full time job and am trying to do it all. I know that i am whinning but some times I just do not know where to turn. I look at him and thank God that I still have him and then I want to wring his neck at the same time. He is the love of my life and there is nothing that I would not do for him, what is wrong with me?

Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2009

I think those are all normal feelings you are having. You want the normalcy of your life back the way it was and when he seems on certain days normal....why wouldn't you think that. My husband was the same way. He handled treatments so well that at times I forgot he had cancer. We would have our arguements and I felt I was the one that had to line all his appointments and meds up too. I think he just didn't want to deal with it and that was the only way he could have me feel like I was part of it, why, I don't know.
Cancer is just ugly and it takes away so much from us. My husband passed away 1 week ago today and he fought so hard for 16 months.
Your feelings are very normal, so don't beat yourself up for the feelings you have. Just take care of your husband and do everything he won't and love him like you are. It is a terrible rollercoaster ride people have to journey. I would do anything to still be taking care of my husband right now....so, don't beat yourself up!

Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

There is nothing wrong with you. Or at least I too felt as you do. I have cancer and so did my husband. He would want me to do things for him all the time he had cancer but we both did for each other. He had lung cancer me ovarian. Mine is more controllable his wasn't. But I had to laugh when you said sometimes you would like to strangle him my feelings were the same but he was my soul mate and I loved him and still do very much. Grab what you can of the good days and hopefully there will be a miracle. I will pray for you both.
Prayers and Hugs

Posts: 8
Joined: Feb 2009

Thank you so much for your reply....i am so sorry you lost your husband.I can imagine that I would feel exactly the same way you do if i were to lose him. I pray to God that does not happen. My prayers will also be with you that you may go on and endure the horrible pain i now you must be suffering. May God grant you peace and wonderful memories of him in all your days to come.

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