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Am I crazy???

Victor05's picture
Posts: 4
Joined: Jan 2006

I am new to this discussion stuff. My husband, Victor was diagonosed with Stage IV Kidney Cancer 4 years ago. But, he seems to like to blame me, alot. Sometime, I feel so a lone. I know he is the one with the Cancer, but I can't stop living. I know the time is near, and just wondering if this is normal, as I feel I have stood by him through all of this and now it's like I don't know him anymore. Am I crazy???

puppy28360's picture
Posts: 6
Joined: Aug 2008

No you are not crazy. I went through the same thing with my mom back in mid 2006 till the 30 of December 2006 when she passed. He is not doing it on purpose because I think he is mad but he does not know any other way to deal with it. I hope you feel a little better. If you need to talk I will be in or anyone else will be in cancer survivors chat room 1. Hugz and puppy prayers to you and your hubby. Miles(aka puppy28360)

Victor05's picture
Posts: 4
Joined: Jan 2006

Thanks for you help and prayers! Leanne

hunpot's picture
Posts: 90
Joined: Nov 2008

Your feelings are normal and so arent Victors. Its very hard for the one with the disease knowing they do not have "forever" to be on this earth so for him to be angry is normal. Try not to take it hard, try to just reassure him that you love him and your there for him and show him all the love and support as much as you can. Im sure he is sad to know someday he will not be there for you but as most men dont want to show that side of them and im sure that is in his heart also. So for now all you can do is just continue to support and show him all the love and try to stay healthy and happy for yourself as im sure if can see you that he will be okay.

slickwilly's picture
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

Hi. I am sorry for what you and your family are going through. As a cancer survivor I can tell you that a million thoughts are going through his mind. When you think you will not be here much longer your mad at everything from the treatments to how unfair life can be. If your in pain it leads to frustration and then anger. And we sometimes take it out on the person that is closest to us at that time. Just work at keeping stressful situations, phone calls or people he does not want around away from him. Maintain his dignity. Try to keep him as comfortable as possible. Something as simple as his favorite P.J's and bedding make a difference. But remember that he is not the same person as before the cancer and don't let cancer erase the love you had together. Your a great caregiver and never forget that. In this world of two year wonder marriages your quite special. Bless you Slickwilly

Posts: 318
Joined: Feb 2008

Its not easy being a caretaker for someone with cancer and not easy having cancer. Me, I have done both. My cancer was found 1st in 2002 then my husband's in 2004. He lived a year and a half with stage IV lung cancer. The last two months he wanted me constantly instead of nurses or anyone else to do things for him. It was tough but I did what I could and Had my sons help some when I needed a break especially because I too had taken chemo. They get mad at you easy and want you and get frustrated. But you do your best and try to take some breaks. I know mine use to say one day at a time. He and I were married short of our 28th anniversary and as I say its tough. YOu sound like you are doing what you can and I pray for your strength. Think of yourself too. There is nothing wrong in that. My prayers are with you and your husband.
Prayers and Hugs

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