I am a caregiver to someone with Ovarian Cancer

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Towens
Towens Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
I am my mothers caregiver. She was diagnosed on October 16, 2008 with stage 4 ovarian cancer. We rushed her to the hospital because her stomach looked like there was a beach ball in there and she couldn't breathe well. She is currently going for her 5th round of chemo (taxil and carboplatin). My thing is that I know she is stressed out with everything going on but she will not talk to anyone and I was wondering if anyone on here could give me some ideas on what I can do to try to make her feel better. She just lost her younger sister on January 12 to cervical cancer and I know that has affected her a lot. I just don't know what I can do for her since I have not " walked a mile in her shoes". I feel bad that I can't help her, except provide the care she needs. Any suggestions that anyone might have would be helpful.

Tammy

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  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #2
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    Let her read some of these posts.
    I am a believer that "it takes one to know one" so the best advice I have to give is to get her in a cancer support group locally or if there is not one help her navigate the many discussion groups on the internet like this one. It really helps to talk to some one going thru or with experience with the feelings and such.

    She has the double stress of having just lost a sister. It does take time to deal with all of the loss she is having. She is probably depressed and may need a medication to help. I did. You should get her to tell her doctor, if she is feeling hopeless. I am Stage IV and that is a normal reaction. I am 70 years old and been in this rat's nest since March 2, 2007. I'll be glad to answer any questions I can from her with my love, experience, and understanding.

    Thanks for being a caregiver. ((Hugs to you both)) Saundra
  • imhere4her
    imhere4her Member Posts: 3
    #3
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    Caregiver
    Hi,
    I too am a caregiver. Just joined this list today.
    My wife was diagnosed as Stage 4, on Apr 3, 2008. She is 52.
    She particpated in a Clinical Study GOG 218 and is still getting treatment.
    It's tough. Not only on her but also the caregiver you (and I) too.
    Kind of the reason I joined also. I joined to find any help I can, my wife is too scared to read much on the internet, although good sometimes, it also scares her and me too.
    Since she was Stage IV, I started out printing out positive stories of advanced stage ovarian cancer patients that I could find. Any at all. Then I taped them to our door where we generally placed our Christmas cards. Anything positive I could find I would tape up. Soon, got the whole door covered with notes and get well cards, they are there still up, we use it (both of us) as our little inspirational board that we pass by. Just read a story about a Stage IV survivor going on 11 years, it really helps. But it's been slow going, no doubt about it. I also was able to arrange for a couple of similar type survivors to call her direct through the Amer Cancer Society and other Ovarian Cancer Groups whom had a patient and survivor matching service. My wife has been slow going to join support groups, however she did meet another patient whom is similar to her case at one of her labs that she now calls every other week and finds it comforting. I would recommend trying to get her into support group or trying it out in any way you can. I know when my wife talks and talks with others, it helps. Each person, and each case is different and each cancer has a survivor rate!
    I will say that we also have begun to pray a lot now, and we pray a lot different than we ever used to. I wish you and your mom all the best and will include you in our prayers.
    God is stronger than Cancer!

    Craig.
  • Lauracec
    Lauracec Member Posts: 101
    #4
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    imhere4her said:

    Caregiver
    Hi,
    I too am a caregiver. Just joined this list today.
    My wife was diagnosed as Stage 4, on Apr 3, 2008. She is 52.
    She particpated in a Clinical Study GOG 218 and is still getting treatment.
    It's tough. Not only on her but also the caregiver you (and I) too.
    Kind of the reason I joined also. I joined to find any help I can, my wife is too scared to read much on the internet, although good sometimes, it also scares her and me too.
    Since she was Stage IV, I started out printing out positive stories of advanced stage ovarian cancer patients that I could find. Any at all. Then I taped them to our door where we generally placed our Christmas cards. Anything positive I could find I would tape up. Soon, got the whole door covered with notes and get well cards, they are there still up, we use it (both of us) as our little inspirational board that we pass by. Just read a story about a Stage IV survivor going on 11 years, it really helps. But it's been slow going, no doubt about it. I also was able to arrange for a couple of similar type survivors to call her direct through the Amer Cancer Society and other Ovarian Cancer Groups whom had a patient and survivor matching service. My wife has been slow going to join support groups, however she did meet another patient whom is similar to her case at one of her labs that she now calls every other week and finds it comforting. I would recommend trying to get her into support group or trying it out in any way you can. I know when my wife talks and talks with others, it helps. Each person, and each case is different and each cancer has a survivor rate!
    I will say that we also have begun to pray a lot now, and we pray a lot different than we ever used to. I wish you and your mom all the best and will include you in our prayers.
    God is stronger than Cancer!

    Craig.

    welcome Tammy and craig
    I think it is great what craig did to find inpirational stories and print them off. that is what we all need when we are diagnosed with this because the odds aren't as good as some other cancers but people do survive. I know a lady that works at our local bi-mart that was stage 3 and has never had it come back and it's been 11 years. and looking at the post on this website realy helps me. I am stage 3c and also on the gog 0218 study I was diagnosed and had the big surgery in may. I also pray more and have moved back closer to God. and I will say some things in life are even better than b-4. although I can't say I'm happy I have cancer. I just look at things different now and I have to say apretiate things more. and yes God is stronger than cancer and he is the one in control. prayers and hugs Laura
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #5
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    imhere4her said:

    Caregiver
    Hi,
    I too am a caregiver. Just joined this list today.
    My wife was diagnosed as Stage 4, on Apr 3, 2008. She is 52.
    She particpated in a Clinical Study GOG 218 and is still getting treatment.
    It's tough. Not only on her but also the caregiver you (and I) too.
    Kind of the reason I joined also. I joined to find any help I can, my wife is too scared to read much on the internet, although good sometimes, it also scares her and me too.
    Since she was Stage IV, I started out printing out positive stories of advanced stage ovarian cancer patients that I could find. Any at all. Then I taped them to our door where we generally placed our Christmas cards. Anything positive I could find I would tape up. Soon, got the whole door covered with notes and get well cards, they are there still up, we use it (both of us) as our little inspirational board that we pass by. Just read a story about a Stage IV survivor going on 11 years, it really helps. But it's been slow going, no doubt about it. I also was able to arrange for a couple of similar type survivors to call her direct through the Amer Cancer Society and other Ovarian Cancer Groups whom had a patient and survivor matching service. My wife has been slow going to join support groups, however she did meet another patient whom is similar to her case at one of her labs that she now calls every other week and finds it comforting. I would recommend trying to get her into support group or trying it out in any way you can. I know when my wife talks and talks with others, it helps. Each person, and each case is different and each cancer has a survivor rate!
    I will say that we also have begun to pray a lot now, and we pray a lot different than we ever used to. I wish you and your mom all the best and will include you in our prayers.
    God is stronger than Cancer!

    Craig.

    I'm here for you, Craig
    Craig, I'm Saundra's caregiver/advocate (Stage IV, 22 month survivor, age 70). I can imagine the kind of thoughts that must go through your head--uninvited, but there nonetheless. It's OK to experience momentary fears, it's natural. But you don't have to give in to them. I push them away with the knowledge that we are together right now, this minute, and am grateful for the days we've had since the nuclear bomb (Stage IV diagnosis) exploded in our lives, and really spoiling our plans!
    You've discovered that prayer helps, and it REALLY helps to know that friends are also praying.
    I count each day with my Sandy as a gift, and realize that we are all living on borrowed time (you and I included)!
    Besides your being there for her, the next best thing is for her to have other cancer survivors to talk with. This site is excellent! And becoming aware of how many cancer survivors there are within our circle of friends and acquaintances.
    You're doing all the right things. Go with her to her oncology appointments, take notes, and ask questions.
    Joe
  • green50
    green50 Member Posts: 312
    #6
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    saundra said:

    I'm here for you, Craig
    Craig, I'm Saundra's caregiver/advocate (Stage IV, 22 month survivor, age 70). I can imagine the kind of thoughts that must go through your head--uninvited, but there nonetheless. It's OK to experience momentary fears, it's natural. But you don't have to give in to them. I push them away with the knowledge that we are together right now, this minute, and am grateful for the days we've had since the nuclear bomb (Stage IV diagnosis) exploded in our lives, and really spoiling our plans!
    You've discovered that prayer helps, and it REALLY helps to know that friends are also praying.
    I count each day with my Sandy as a gift, and realize that we are all living on borrowed time (you and I included)!
    Besides your being there for her, the next best thing is for her to have other cancer survivors to talk with. This site is excellent! And becoming aware of how many cancer survivors there are within our circle of friends and acquaintances.
    You're doing all the right things. Go with her to her oncology appointments, take notes, and ask questions.
    Joe

    Prayers are with you all
    Mine was stage 3 and I am almost a 7 year survivor and still taking chemo off and on. The advice is great that Craig and Joe had. Remember prayer positive attitude and having family and friends is the best. I hope treatments go well and so sorry for the loss of the sister. I lost my husband over 3 years ago to lung cancer and it is tough. But as we both told each other live one day at a time to the fullest. I have gotten to where I laugh at myself now. None of us but only the good Lord knows when we will go to our next adventure. Tomorrow could be the cure so stand by her and encourage her. I am sorry she was in pain. My stomach had swollen but it didn't hurt. I hope on good days she can do something special. On days I am tired I read or make list and goals for my good days. I come to this sight and the chat room and talk. It sure helps. God be with all of you
    Hugs and Prayers
    Sandy Green
  • imhere4her
    imhere4her Member Posts: 3
    #7
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    Lauracec said:

    welcome Tammy and craig
    I think it is great what craig did to find inpirational stories and print them off. that is what we all need when we are diagnosed with this because the odds aren't as good as some other cancers but people do survive. I know a lady that works at our local bi-mart that was stage 3 and has never had it come back and it's been 11 years. and looking at the post on this website realy helps me. I am stage 3c and also on the gog 0218 study I was diagnosed and had the big surgery in may. I also pray more and have moved back closer to God. and I will say some things in life are even better than b-4. although I can't say I'm happy I have cancer. I just look at things different now and I have to say apretiate things more. and yes God is stronger than cancer and he is the one in control. prayers and hugs Laura

    Hello - Thanks All.
    I hit the reply,

    but not sure if this is going to everyone or just you. I'll get better at this. I am new to this, like all the others wish I didn't have to be, but I am comforted by all the positive thoughts and the friendly tone in these times.

    If everyone is seeing this....Thank you all for the welcome and all the kind words.

    If just Laura.... sounds like my wife and you are on a similar pathway with the GOG 218 study. Looking forward to gathering information and learning. I was also initially hoping to share and learn about similar experiences that people in this study are experiencing. My wife (Maria Elena) had her surgery in April and began her chemo in May (on her birthday, not much of a present). She completed the first six sessions of carbo/taxol in Sept. She had some difficulties with low cell counts and she had to have an extra week or so put into some of the intervals. She has now done 6 of the scheduled 16 Avastin/Placebo series. Not sure if you are on the same schedule or not but if you are you may have passed us?? I hope all is going well with you and wish you and all the other "teal brethren" peace and prayers.

    All the best.
  • Lauracec
    Lauracec Member Posts: 101
    #8
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    imhere4her said:

    Hello - Thanks All.
    I hit the reply,

    but not sure if this is going to everyone or just you. I'll get better at this. I am new to this, like all the others wish I didn't have to be, but I am comforted by all the positive thoughts and the friendly tone in these times.

    If everyone is seeing this....Thank you all for the welcome and all the kind words.

    If just Laura.... sounds like my wife and you are on a similar pathway with the GOG 218 study. Looking forward to gathering information and learning. I was also initially hoping to share and learn about similar experiences that people in this study are experiencing. My wife (Maria Elena) had her surgery in April and began her chemo in May (on her birthday, not much of a present). She completed the first six sessions of carbo/taxol in Sept. She had some difficulties with low cell counts and she had to have an extra week or so put into some of the intervals. She has now done 6 of the scheduled 16 Avastin/Placebo series. Not sure if you are on the same schedule or not but if you are you may have passed us?? I hope all is going well with you and wish you and all the other "teal brethren" peace and prayers.

    All the best.

    I do cycle 12on the 9th
    Hi , I think cycle 12 would be about where you are. Does your wife have any symtoms from poss avastin? not every body does even when on the real stuff. I have a few symtoms so I kind of think I'm on it. I have protein in the urine some and I seem to have a lot of drainage in my throat but that could also be unrelated. when your wife had surgery were they able to get it all? God bless and (I have to say it cause I keep hearing it and I like it) Teal Hugs... Laura
  • imhere4her
    imhere4her Member Posts: 3
    #9
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    Lauracec said:

    I do cycle 12on the 9th
    Hi , I think cycle 12 would be about where you are. Does your wife have any symtoms from poss avastin? not every body does even when on the real stuff. I have a few symtoms so I kind of think I'm on it. I have protein in the urine some and I seem to have a lot of drainage in my throat but that could also be unrelated. when your wife had surgery were they able to get it all? God bless and (I have to say it cause I keep hearing it and I like it) Teal Hugs... Laura

    Your Correct. Cycle 12 , Optimal surgery
    Laura, correct she just finished her cycle 12. Her next one is Feb 12. We do about every 21 days. I believe one of her labs in the primary phase showed some protein but it was never consistant, so we kind of pondered is she or isn't she getting it. She also experienced some high blood pressure briefly which could-? be another side effect of Avastin. Her doc said to try and not read too much into some side effects as to whether to believe its the Avastin...he is a pretty calming guy generally...We kind of found it almost strange to root or match a side-effect with the hope it meant you were getting Avastin. Her cancer was fairly wide spread, but her surgery was deemed "optimal" vs sub-optimal, and that any remaining tumor was less than 1cm. After the surgery we learned it was stage IV and touched her liver...not a positive thing... I hear a lot about NED (No evidence of disease) her last CT indicated no abnormal masses exist. It didn't say NED, but we assume thats what it is and doctor said it looked good.....meaning clear. Her CA 125 is back into the single digits after starting at something like 1200....so thats a good thing!
    We are finally getting one foot, in front of the other...and making some progress. Somedays better physically than mentally and some days the other way around.
    Have you discovered or found any other sites on internet where anyone whom is in this GOG 218 study blog, or are specific to the study. Its a huge study, and I thought maybe the particpants got together or compared notes...kind of like we are. Also, curious of when they may release some updates about the efficacy of this drug on Ovarian. If you know of any please let me know, and most important....
    Keep saying it....God Bless You!
    Craig

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