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in laws

Posts: 20
Joined: Sep 2008

well my last post was about the appointment, this one is about
Brian's sister.

She is driving me up the wall and stepping on my toes. She called
here on the Sunday before Brian and I saw the dr asking if Brian
still was thinking about surgery and if it was for himself or his
family. Then she phone the night of the dr appointment, shhh Brian
and I were BUSY. LOL. Anyways after I told Brian she was just
calling to see what the dr said and that she was coming over the next
day so why can she not wait. That all she wanted to dicuss was the
appointment. He said no she must be calling for another reason. I
was right she asked him about his appointment and questioned his
decission. OOOOHHHH I was really starting to steam up.

The night she came over she got into the discussion with Brian about
his appointment and said to me "I know you love Brian but bottom line
is it is his body and he makes the final decission." Well Brian
kicked me to try to keep me calm. I said "no Brian I need to say
this to her. Look Dolores the Dr has told him that before he makes
his decission final to take his family into concideration cause what
ever he decides also affects us. He has a family. He has a wife. It
is not just HIS decission. Yes his body but I sleep and I am with him
all the time and have to live with his outcome. If he did not want
teh surgery I cannot force him. And if Brian was single I know his
decission would be differnt. But he has me and the kids and our
future and mental states to concider."

She then dropped it cause she knew I was getting upset. But she had
to bring up some imaginary artical in the winnipeg sun that stated
women are having surgery when it is not needed and that the article
said the same about prostate cancer. But convienantly she forgot the
article in her van. I nearly lost it. Brian gave me a kick and bit my
tounge. Brian managed to change the subject right away.

Then she got into it again, I told her the dr that sugested Active
Survalaince had only graduated in 2004. And he had a thing against
women, and that I had a bad vibe with him before he even sat in his
chair. She said "yes I was told. You also had a temper
tantrum."...WTF!!!!!!! Ohhh I went red and heated up. I told he it
was a nervious breakdown. She said no Marla whatever you want to
call it, it was a temper tantrum.... I nearly asked her to leave at
that point. That was uncalled for and disrespectful towards me.

Then she went into the date and said she would come to Manitoba, she
is in ontario, for the 9th till the 15th.

Well surprise I have talked to the hospital and nurses, there will be
NO ONE seeing Brian the day of his surgery and no medical info will
be given to anyone but myself and Brian. If there is something we
feel she should know we will tell her. She is way to nosey. And my
friends and family agree that the day Brian has surgery he will be in
no condition for visits anyways and that should be the time I am with

I am not looking forward to x-mas cause we are going to his sisters.
I swear if she talks about it, (will be 2 just over weeks before
surgery and I will be a wreck) I will lose it on her. I do not care
who is there. Brian says he will talk to her and tell her it is not
up for discussion while he is there and that what she did at our
house was disrespectful towards me. He will tell her to back down.

Yes it is her brother, yes she loves and cares about him. I get and
understand that. But she has to back off and stop stepping into my
space. Brian is my husband. She doesn't have to live with him day
in and day out. She does not sleep with him, I do. She has to
respect me and learn to back down a bit. I am the one that will have
to live with Brian's emotional and physical state after the surgery.

I just had to blow off some steam. This has been bugging me for days.

zahalene's picture
Posts: 680
Joined: Nov 2005

It is not enough that we have to deal with cancer itself, we also have to try to keep huge permanent family rows and rifts from happening.
I applaud Brian for being willing to talk to his sister and tell her to back off, out of respect for you. This is about you and Brian.
Hopefully she will listen to him and you all can have a good family Christmas. But whatever happens, just keep in mind that Brian is at the core of this situation and it is all about HIM right now. It is up to you and all those who love him to make this as easy for him as possible. Sounds as if your sister needs to be reminded of that fact as well.
Good luck and God bless.

hollyberry's picture
Posts: 176
Joined: Nov 2008

Angelica, My thoughts and prayers go out to you; my family had a hard time coming to terms with my DX, too, but your sister-in-law takes the cake! Try hard not to let her get to you; her selfishness and over-bearing personality will not help you or your husband and you both need all your strength to get through what is to come. We will all be here to listen and comfort you, so don't think that you are alone.Your Brian needs you to focus on the surgery and recovery, so that he feels a sense of calm and control; obviously, he's not going to get that from his sister just yet. She may just not know how to handle her emotions right now, but you cannot focus on her. This will be difficult enough (I know, I've had 4 surgeries and 2 chemos already)for both of you; try to find peace and share it with Brian. You sound so strong; don't let anyone make you feel bad or weak. You can do this.
Love and peace,

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