CSN Login
Members Online: 7

You are here

Season of Thanks (renamed, so maybe somebody will read it!)

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

People probably thought I was a little bit touched in the head earlier today. I had to run to the store for a few things, so I could make fudge for my favorite doctor (he had surgery this week). When I walked in the store and saw and smelled the sights of the season, it overwhelmed me. I remembered lying in the hospital bed a year ago, knowing that tomorrow would bring surgery and the discovery of just how much cancer I had hiding in my body.I walked the aisles of the grocery store, barely knowing what I was buying. Tears of joy streamed down my face, as I savored the pure joy of being able to fully participate in Thanksgiving this year. Life is full of moments like this, if we only open our eyes to see them.

With love,
Gail

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I HATE when the emotions hit me in public, but it's just one of those things! Thank God you are here a year later and remember to return to God and give thanks!
mary

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Yeah, I've always been very Irish about sharing my emotions. *smiles* But it's only gotten worse since this whole deal. Cute kid? Better cry about that. Pretty flowers? Shed a tear. Dinner is good? Bring on the hanky! You get the idea. I definitely don't need whatever that medication is people take for dry eyes. Mine are always moist. *L*

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I am just the opposite, I HATE to cry especially in front of strangers. My sister, now she's the crier! She was always the official crier in the family! Stressed out? Call Sue and she will cry for you! In fact, I can remember the night I came home from my first surgery, my mother was staying with me and caring for me and I was having a bad reaction to the pain meds. I remember sitting with her and crying and she said (she wasn't a crier either) "Maybe Sue has it right after all?". Now, I pretty much cry over all those sappy things I used to give my sister a hard time about! Although i do still make snide comments if I am forced to watch some sappy girlie movie!
mary

kmygil
Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

You made me smile. I tend to start babbling when I get emotional, and last week I was in a store that was already decorated for Christmas. I, too, started thinking that WOW, this is the 3rd Christmas since diagnosis, and 3 years ago I didn't know if I would see Spring! Instead of crying, I sought out the closest stranger and started babbling about gratitude etc. I noticed her edging away from me, but I kept going. She finally realized I was just grateful and not loony and she got on board. She told me all about her sister-in-law's breast cancer and how grateful her family was about her surviving. So cry, laugh, babble--it's all gratitude, and almost everyone can relate to that!

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

You had me laughing with your comment about the stranger edging away! I know how it is, but I live in a small town so people LOVE it when you start babbling to them for no reason! The one disadvantage of growing your hair out after treatment stops is that no longer are you wearing a cancer billboard, so you have to approach others instead of them approaching you! Have a good day.
mary

CherylHutch's picture
CherylHutch
Posts: 1399
Joined: Apr 2007

Hahaha... and I'm just a babbler who can babble with no actual reason or need to . Even in my forum posts, my fingers tend to babble just as much as my mouth does. My friends know that I'm going through a rough period or something has happened that has given me thought to ponder when I get quiet. Even this fellow who I'm a little sweet on (although he doesn't know it) and who doesn't know me that well will say, "Cheryl... are you ok?" and when I say, "Yes... why do you ask?" he will say, "You are going through a quiet moment"

As for showing emotion in public... hmmm, I'm not a crier and, for the most part, I don't think I show emotion. But if I see a good tear-jerker movie then that can bring on the tears... or if I see that someone else is upset, then the tears will come because I can't stand to see someone upset if I can't fix whatever the problem is.

There have definitely been a few times that I've broken down in front of my oncologist.. and that is when she has given me news that terrified me. I have been in some pretty scary situations in my life but nothing has ever come close to terrifying me as some of the terrors we cancer patients have to go through.

Huggggggs,

Cheryl

jenalynet's picture
jenalynet
Posts: 363
Joined: Nov 2005

Hi Gail,
Your post makes me feel so very thankful to be here also this year. I love the holidays but when I was on chemo and radiation, I didn't feel up to my usual self during the holidays. I am happy to read that you are very much in with Thanksgiving this year. Happy Thanksgiving, Audrey.

VickiCO's picture
VickiCO
Posts: 934
Joined: Oct 2008

Having just started my treatments last week, I won't finish round one until around the first of the year...so my picture in my head is Thanksgiving/Christmas 2009. It's going to be a doosy! LOL!As for crying, I am the 'strong' one, but I do admit, the tears are coming now, easier and easier.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

fez1
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2006

As I read each and every post, I started to count up. This will be our 4th (4th!!!) Thanksgiving and Christmas since my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in July'05. There were more than a few times that I wondered about future holidays: would he be here? He has had his share of recurrences, surgeries, RFA's chemo's radiation etc. but somehow, we always seem to find something that works. When he was diagnosed my youngest son was starting high school. He had his first chemo on my son's first day of freshman year. All he wanted was to see him through those tumultuous high school years. well, now he's a senior, doing the college search. Michael has been here for all of it and thank God! Even though he is back in treatment our family's going on a cruise over Thanksgiving with my husband's twin brother and his wife and kids. I never thought that we would be able to do that. So, life is good. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Carol

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I also have a twin brother and I know this has all been especially difficult for him. He has always been the strong one and tried to take care of everyone. We used to joke about having similar physical attributes, even a mole located fairly similarly in our pubic areas (no, I don't remember how we discovered this!). When he found out I had cancer he was scared probably more than the rest of them. Were we all glad when his colonoscopy came out clean and his followup last year came out just as clean! I was wondering how your husband's twin is doing, knowing it is probably just as hard for him.
mary

fez1
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2006

Hi Mary- My husband's twin brother has also had a very difficult time with Michael's cancer diagnosis. "I wish it was me" was what he told his wife when he heard about Michael. They are very close- talk to each other at least 5 times per week- maybe more, even though they both traveled worldwide for business. I love him dearly and, as you, was thrilled when his colonoscopy came back normal. He has some anger, though, at how and why this happened to Michael. I worry about that anger.

Carol

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

cancer just sucks all around! I hope they talk about the intimate issues; although i know it's hard. They have to tell each other how scared they are and that it's ok to be scared. One thing about twins that makes us different than other siblings is there has NEVER been a time that we haven't been; good or bad. The thought that something might come about to make that not so is very scary. God be with you all as you move forward on this journey.
mary

Moesimo's picture
Moesimo
Posts: 1080
Joined: Aug 2003

5 years ago I was on TPN over Thanksgiving for chemo induced diarrhea. I cheated and had 2 bites of turkey. I then spent the afternnon in the bathroom all while at my sister-in-laws. Now 5 years later i am doing so much better. I also cry now more often that I used to. When my youngest son graduated from high school, (he was a freshman when I was diagnosed), I cried so hard that a policeman who was working the graduation asked me and my husband if I was ok. My comment was, "tears of joy, tears of joy."

I hope that everyone enjoys the holiday and I continue to pray for all of you everyday.

Maureen

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

That made me laugh, remembering an incident when I was first on chemo back in 2004. My twin was taking over as CO on a new ship so my parents and I traveled up to be with him. Thankfully they drove me cause I was initially planning on making the drive myself (6 hours). Anyhow, I was doing 5FU and Leucovorin every other week cause the Oxaliplatin had proven to be too harsh for my body to handle. We were managing the diarrhea fairly well with Imodium and rice water until I arrived at the bed and breakfast I was staying at to discover grapes in the refrigerator bought just for me! I LOVE grapes. I grabbed some and settled in to watch tv. Needless to say, I was up all night having undone everything the Imodium and rice water had managed to get under control the night before! The ride home was miserable and I never made that mistake again!
mary

Subscribe to Comments for "Season of Thanks (renamed, so maybe somebody will read it!)"