Season of Thanks (renamed, so maybe somebody will read it!)

tootsie1
tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
People probably thought I was a little bit touched in the head earlier today. I had to run to the store for a few things, so I could make fudge for my favorite doctor (he had surgery this week). When I walked in the store and saw and smelled the sights of the season, it overwhelmed me. I remembered lying in the hospital bed a year ago, knowing that tomorrow would bring surgery and the discovery of just how much cancer I had hiding in my body.I walked the aisles of the grocery store, barely knowing what I was buying. Tears of joy streamed down my face, as I savored the pure joy of being able to fully participate in Thanksgiving this year. Life is full of moments like this, if we only open our eyes to see them.

With love,
Gail

Comments

  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    And nobody stopped you to see what was wrong?!
    I HATE when the emotions hit me in public, but it's just one of those things! Thank God you are here a year later and remember to return to God and give thanks!
    mary
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    msccolon said:

    And nobody stopped you to see what was wrong?!
    I HATE when the emotions hit me in public, but it's just one of those things! Thank God you are here a year later and remember to return to God and give thanks!
    mary

    I'm a crier
    Yeah, I've always been very Irish about sharing my emotions. *smiles* But it's only gotten worse since this whole deal. Cute kid? Better cry about that. Pretty flowers? Shed a tear. Dinner is good? Bring on the hanky! You get the idea. I definitely don't need whatever that medication is people take for dry eyes. Mine are always moist. *L*
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876
    Not Alone
    You made me smile. I tend to start babbling when I get emotional, and last week I was in a store that was already decorated for Christmas. I, too, started thinking that WOW, this is the 3rd Christmas since diagnosis, and 3 years ago I didn't know if I would see Spring! Instead of crying, I sought out the closest stranger and started babbling about gratitude etc. I noticed her edging away from me, but I kept going. She finally realized I was just grateful and not loony and she got on board. She told me all about her sister-in-law's breast cancer and how grateful her family was about her surviving. So cry, laugh, babble--it's all gratitude, and almost everyone can relate to that!
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    kmygil said:

    Not Alone
    You made me smile. I tend to start babbling when I get emotional, and last week I was in a store that was already decorated for Christmas. I, too, started thinking that WOW, this is the 3rd Christmas since diagnosis, and 3 years ago I didn't know if I would see Spring! Instead of crying, I sought out the closest stranger and started babbling about gratitude etc. I noticed her edging away from me, but I kept going. She finally realized I was just grateful and not loony and she got on board. She told me all about her sister-in-law's breast cancer and how grateful her family was about her surviving. So cry, laugh, babble--it's all gratitude, and almost everyone can relate to that!

    I love it!
    You had me laughing with your comment about the stranger edging away! I know how it is, but I live in a small town so people LOVE it when you start babbling to them for no reason! The one disadvantage of growing your hair out after treatment stops is that no longer are you wearing a cancer billboard, so you have to approach others instead of them approaching you! Have a good day.
    mary
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    tootsie1 said:

    I'm a crier
    Yeah, I've always been very Irish about sharing my emotions. *smiles* But it's only gotten worse since this whole deal. Cute kid? Better cry about that. Pretty flowers? Shed a tear. Dinner is good? Bring on the hanky! You get the idea. I definitely don't need whatever that medication is people take for dry eyes. Mine are always moist. *L*

    I hear you on the crying coming easier
    I am just the opposite, I HATE to cry especially in front of strangers. My sister, now she's the crier! She was always the official crier in the family! Stressed out? Call Sue and she will cry for you! In fact, I can remember the night I came home from my first surgery, my mother was staying with me and caring for me and I was having a bad reaction to the pain meds. I remember sitting with her and crying and she said (she wasn't a crier either) "Maybe Sue has it right after all?". Now, I pretty much cry over all those sappy things I used to give my sister a hard time about! Although i do still make snide comments if I am forced to watch some sappy girlie movie!
    mary
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375
    kmygil said:

    Not Alone
    You made me smile. I tend to start babbling when I get emotional, and last week I was in a store that was already decorated for Christmas. I, too, started thinking that WOW, this is the 3rd Christmas since diagnosis, and 3 years ago I didn't know if I would see Spring! Instead of crying, I sought out the closest stranger and started babbling about gratitude etc. I noticed her edging away from me, but I kept going. She finally realized I was just grateful and not loony and she got on board. She told me all about her sister-in-law's breast cancer and how grateful her family was about her surviving. So cry, laugh, babble--it's all gratitude, and almost everyone can relate to that!

    Babbling
    Hahaha... and I'm just a babbler who can babble with no actual reason or need to . Even in my forum posts, my fingers tend to babble just as much as my mouth does. My friends know that I'm going through a rough period or something has happened that has given me thought to ponder when I get quiet. Even this fellow who I'm a little sweet on (although he doesn't know it) and who doesn't know me that well will say, "Cheryl... are you ok?" and when I say, "Yes... why do you ask?" he will say, "You are going through a quiet moment"

    As for showing emotion in public... hmmm, I'm not a crier and, for the most part, I don't think I show emotion. But if I see a good tear-jerker movie then that can bring on the tears... or if I see that someone else is upset, then the tears will come because I can't stand to see someone upset if I can't fix whatever the problem is.

    There have definitely been a few times that I've broken down in front of my oncologist.. and that is when she has given me news that terrified me. I have been in some pretty scary situations in my life but nothing has ever come close to terrifying me as some of the terrors we cancer patients have to go through.

    Huggggggs,

    Cheryl
  • jenalynet
    jenalynet Member Posts: 361
    Thankful
    Hi Gail,
    Your post makes me feel so very thankful to be here also this year. I love the holidays but when I was on chemo and radiation, I didn't feel up to my usual self during the holidays. I am happy to read that you are very much in with Thanksgiving this year. Happy Thanksgiving, Audrey.
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    I am looking forward to NEXT Thanksgiving...
    Having just started my treatments last week, I won't finish round one until around the first of the year...so my picture in my head is Thanksgiving/Christmas 2009. It's going to be a doosy! LOL!As for crying, I am the 'strong' one, but I do admit, the tears are coming now, easier and easier.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!
  • fez1
    fez1 Member Posts: 47
    VickiCO said:

    I am looking forward to NEXT Thanksgiving...
    Having just started my treatments last week, I won't finish round one until around the first of the year...so my picture in my head is Thanksgiving/Christmas 2009. It's going to be a doosy! LOL!As for crying, I am the 'strong' one, but I do admit, the tears are coming now, easier and easier.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

    4th Holiday Season
    As I read each and every post, I started to count up. This will be our 4th (4th!!!) Thanksgiving and Christmas since my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in July'05. There were more than a few times that I wondered about future holidays: would he be here? He has had his share of recurrences, surgeries, RFA's chemo's radiation etc. but somehow, we always seem to find something that works. When he was diagnosed my youngest son was starting high school. He had his first chemo on my son's first day of freshman year. All he wanted was to see him through those tumultuous high school years. well, now he's a senior, doing the college search. Michael has been here for all of it and thank God! Even though he is back in treatment our family's going on a cruise over Thanksgiving with my husband's twin brother and his wife and kids. I never thought that we would be able to do that. So, life is good. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

    Carol
  • Moesimo
    Moesimo Member Posts: 1,072
    Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
    5 years ago I was on TPN over Thanksgiving for chemo induced diarrhea. I cheated and had 2 bites of turkey. I then spent the afternnon in the bathroom all while at my sister-in-laws. Now 5 years later i am doing so much better. I also cry now more often that I used to. When my youngest son graduated from high school, (he was a freshman when I was diagnosed), I cried so hard that a policeman who was working the graduation asked me and my husband if I was ok. My comment was, "tears of joy, tears of joy."

    I hope that everyone enjoys the holiday and I continue to pray for all of you everyday.

    Maureen
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    fez1 said:

    4th Holiday Season
    As I read each and every post, I started to count up. This will be our 4th (4th!!!) Thanksgiving and Christmas since my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in July'05. There were more than a few times that I wondered about future holidays: would he be here? He has had his share of recurrences, surgeries, RFA's chemo's radiation etc. but somehow, we always seem to find something that works. When he was diagnosed my youngest son was starting high school. He had his first chemo on my son's first day of freshman year. All he wanted was to see him through those tumultuous high school years. well, now he's a senior, doing the college search. Michael has been here for all of it and thank God! Even though he is back in treatment our family's going on a cruise over Thanksgiving with my husband's twin brother and his wife and kids. I never thought that we would be able to do that. So, life is good. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

    Carol

    Your husband's twin
    I also have a twin brother and I know this has all been especially difficult for him. He has always been the strong one and tried to take care of everyone. We used to joke about having similar physical attributes, even a mole located fairly similarly in our pubic areas (no, I don't remember how we discovered this!). When he found out I had cancer he was scared probably more than the rest of them. Were we all glad when his colonoscopy came out clean and his followup last year came out just as clean! I was wondering how your husband's twin is doing, knowing it is probably just as hard for him.
    mary
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    Moesimo said:

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
    5 years ago I was on TPN over Thanksgiving for chemo induced diarrhea. I cheated and had 2 bites of turkey. I then spent the afternnon in the bathroom all while at my sister-in-laws. Now 5 years later i am doing so much better. I also cry now more often that I used to. When my youngest son graduated from high school, (he was a freshman when I was diagnosed), I cried so hard that a policeman who was working the graduation asked me and my husband if I was ok. My comment was, "tears of joy, tears of joy."

    I hope that everyone enjoys the holiday and I continue to pray for all of you everyday.

    Maureen

    chemo induced diarrhea and it's inconveniences!
    That made me laugh, remembering an incident when I was first on chemo back in 2004. My twin was taking over as CO on a new ship so my parents and I traveled up to be with him. Thankfully they drove me cause I was initially planning on making the drive myself (6 hours). Anyhow, I was doing 5FU and Leucovorin every other week cause the Oxaliplatin had proven to be too harsh for my body to handle. We were managing the diarrhea fairly well with Imodium and rice water until I arrived at the bed and breakfast I was staying at to discover grapes in the refrigerator bought just for me! I LOVE grapes. I grabbed some and settled in to watch tv. Needless to say, I was up all night having undone everything the Imodium and rice water had managed to get under control the night before! The ride home was miserable and I never made that mistake again!
    mary
  • fez1
    fez1 Member Posts: 47
    msccolon said:

    Your husband's twin
    I also have a twin brother and I know this has all been especially difficult for him. He has always been the strong one and tried to take care of everyone. We used to joke about having similar physical attributes, even a mole located fairly similarly in our pubic areas (no, I don't remember how we discovered this!). When he found out I had cancer he was scared probably more than the rest of them. Were we all glad when his colonoscopy came out clean and his followup last year came out just as clean! I was wondering how your husband's twin is doing, knowing it is probably just as hard for him.
    mary

    Twin Brother
    Hi Mary- My husband's twin brother has also had a very difficult time with Michael's cancer diagnosis. "I wish it was me" was what he told his wife when he heard about Michael. They are very close- talk to each other at least 5 times per week- maybe more, even though they both traveled worldwide for business. I love him dearly and, as you, was thrilled when his colonoscopy came back normal. He has some anger, though, at how and why this happened to Michael. I worry about that anger.

    Carol
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917
    fez1 said:

    Twin Brother
    Hi Mary- My husband's twin brother has also had a very difficult time with Michael's cancer diagnosis. "I wish it was me" was what he told his wife when he heard about Michael. They are very close- talk to each other at least 5 times per week- maybe more, even though they both traveled worldwide for business. I love him dearly and, as you, was thrilled when his colonoscopy came back normal. He has some anger, though, at how and why this happened to Michael. I worry about that anger.

    Carol

    bummer
    cancer just sucks all around! I hope they talk about the intimate issues; although i know it's hard. They have to tell each other how scared they are and that it's ok to be scared. One thing about twins that makes us different than other siblings is there has NEVER been a time that we haven't been; good or bad. The thought that something might come about to make that not so is very scary. God be with you all as you move forward on this journey.
    mary