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The rollercoaster

ldot123's picture
ldot123
Posts: 276
Joined: Apr 2008

Hello everyone,
I got up today after a very sleepless nights which seem to happen with some regularity. I woke up achy, tired and anxious. It is strange the thoughts you have while you lay there awake, negativity creeps in. I had my 3 month tests done last week-ultrasound, xray and bloodwork. Up to yesterday, I had a couple of days where I actually could say I felt great. Something I could not say for the past year and a half. Very much up and down, fatigue, odd body pains etc... Then after feeling so good, I run into a brick wall filled with uncertainty. I don't get the results of the test for two weeks and I will be on pins and needles. I hate this feeling and wish I could be "in the moment" all of the time. I am able to do this often but not always. There are so many more of you having even more challenges than me and I don't like to whine but this is how I feel on this Sunday morning. Thanks for listening (reading). This helps me enormously as I write this. Cheers, Lance

sladich's picture
sladich
Posts: 430
Joined: May 2007

Lance,

I know the feelings. People always tell me "you can't change the outcome so why worry?" Easier said than done. Best of luck to you. Positive thoughts,

Debbie

jams67's picture
jams67
Posts: 927
Joined: May 2006

We can all relate to what you are feeling. Some days are better than others. Try to stay busy so that you don't think about it as much.
Jo Ann

betina61's picture
betina61
Posts: 644
Joined: Aug 2006

Oh God! How well I understand you. I'm in your same boat right now,tomorrow I will have my cea results,Tuesday will have petscan done and in 2 weeks the colonoscopy,this waiting is really terrible it comes to my mind how I'll be doing in September after everything is over? this rollercoaster takes a toll in our lives,sending you my best wishes for your good results.

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

Hi Lance! I feel lucky because i do have a lot of good days. But those bad ones...wow! They certainly can darken that light at the end of the tunnel! I was so miserable Friday, i thought it would ruin my plans to see my family on Saturday. I made up my mind that i was going to see them, no matter how i felt, and luckily, i felt better Saturday.

This illness tries it's damndest to take away our joy, and i'm sick of it. Sick of missing time with my family, sick of not being able to go places i want to go. Our lives are in a constant flux because we never know how we're going to feel from day to day, and that alone is enough to keep us down. I see a lot of strength in your posts even though you don't feel well. I just know someday you're going to feel better than you ever have in your life, and it will be a day that won't end! I hope that day comes for each of us.

Many hugs,
Krista

PGLGreg's picture
PGLGreg
Posts: 741
Joined: Jul 2006

Yes, many of us, I'm sure, experience these unwanted feelings of well-being, occasionally. We just have to remind ourselves how sick we are, so as to recover an appropriate sense of misery.
-Greg

Monicaemilia's picture
Monicaemilia
Posts: 455
Joined: Nov 2006

Lance: We all know how you feel. The only advice I can give you is to truly enjoy and cherish the good days or just good moments. They really give you the strength to get through the bad ones. Monica

pink05
Posts: 553
Joined: Mar 2006

Hi Lance,

I know how you feel. My dad goes for his follow-up CAT scan tomorrow and results on Thursday. I get so anxious when "scan" time comes around. I'll be praying for you.

-Lee-

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Lance,
Nobody can be "in the moment" all the time. A worthy goal, but don't beat yourself up about it if you can't achieve it. Sometimes I lie in bed and think I just have to scream. Cancer is a scary disease. The thing that helps me the most (besides prayer)is to walk, walk, walk.

*hugs*
Gail

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Hi Lance,

Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part...

Something that helps me get through scans is realizing that the results will more likely be good news, than bad news. After you've gone through something so intense as cancer, you are bound to have a few down moments. The key is to not allow yourself to stay in that dark place for too long. For me, I find that if I shift my thinking to things that give me hope, rather than things that make me fearful, I can lift myself out of the funk. We don't get to choose cancer, but we can choose how we think and feel about it.

Many blessings for healing and peace of mind to you....Katie
http://katiescancer.blogspot.com/

ldot123's picture
ldot123
Posts: 276
Joined: Apr 2008

Wow - Thanks for all of your responses and words of encouragement. Knowing that others understand your pain and fears helps brings things into perspective. Love to you all. Lance

jenalynet's picture
jenalynet
Posts: 363
Joined: Nov 2005

Hi lance,
I go through the same feelings when it is time for my blood work etc. Hang in there, it will all be good..I will keep you in my thoughts, Hugs to you... Audrey

hannacat's picture
hannacat
Posts: 101
Joined: Jun 2008

Hi,i'm having a follow up colonoscopy on friday and preping now. I know how it is. Someone should invent a pill or meditation or something for these days. Hang in there, Hanna

tlsart's picture
tlsart
Posts: 33
Joined: Jul 2008

Lance, everyday I wake up with anxiety about something having to do with the monster called cancer. I try to focus on a few sayings and scripture to get me started on good footing mentally. "This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad" and "Pain is inevitable,misery is optional, choose to be joyful" Staying in the moment if a full time job, I'm struggling with that one myself!!! I will be praying your tests have favorable results. Theresa

jams67's picture
jams67
Posts: 927
Joined: May 2006

Lance, You feel the way you feel and having a place to vent helps. We understand your apprension about waiting. I pray that your scans will be clear.
Jo Ann

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