The rollercoaster

ldot123 Member Posts: 272
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hello everyone,
I got up today after a very sleepless nights which seem to happen with some regularity. I woke up achy, tired and anxious. It is strange the thoughts you have while you lay there awake, negativity creeps in. I had my 3 month tests done last week-ultrasound, xray and bloodwork. Up to yesterday, I had a couple of days where I actually could say I felt great. Something I could not say for the past year and a half. Very much up and down, fatigue, odd body pains etc... Then after feeling so good, I run into a brick wall filled with uncertainty. I don't get the results of the test for two weeks and I will be on pins and needles. I hate this feeling and wish I could be "in the moment" all of the time. I am able to do this often but not always. There are so many more of you having even more challenges than me and I don't like to whine but this is how I feel on this Sunday morning. Thanks for listening (reading). This helps me enormously as I write this. Cheers, Lance


  • sladich
    sladich Member Posts: 429

    I know the feelings. People always tell me "you can't change the outcome so why worry?" Easier said than done. Best of luck to you. Positive thoughts,

  • jams67
    jams67 Member Posts: 925
    We can all relate to what you are feeling. Some days are better than others. Try to stay busy so that you don't think about it as much.
    Jo Ann
  • betina61
    betina61 Member Posts: 642
    Oh God! How well I understand you. I'm in your same boat right now,tomorrow I will have my cea results,Tuesday will have petscan done and in 2 weeks the colonoscopy,this waiting is really terrible it comes to my mind how I'll be doing in September after everything is over? this rollercoaster takes a toll in our lives,sending you my best wishes for your good results.
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 955
    Hi Lance! I feel lucky because i do have a lot of good days. But those bad! They certainly can darken that light at the end of the tunnel! I was so miserable Friday, i thought it would ruin my plans to see my family on Saturday. I made up my mind that i was going to see them, no matter how i felt, and luckily, i felt better Saturday.

    This illness tries it's damndest to take away our joy, and i'm sick of it. Sick of missing time with my family, sick of not being able to go places i want to go. Our lives are in a constant flux because we never know how we're going to feel from day to day, and that alone is enough to keep us down. I see a lot of strength in your posts even though you don't feel well. I just know someday you're going to feel better than you ever have in your life, and it will be a day that won't end! I hope that day comes for each of us.

    Many hugs,
  • PGLGreg
    PGLGreg Member Posts: 731
    Yes, many of us, I'm sure, experience these unwanted feelings of well-being, occasionally. We just have to remind ourselves how sick we are, so as to recover an appropriate sense of misery.
  • Monicaemilia
    Monicaemilia Member Posts: 455
    Lance: We all know how you feel. The only advice I can give you is to truly enjoy and cherish the good days or just good moments. They really give you the strength to get through the bad ones. Monica
  • pink05
    pink05 Member Posts: 550
    Hi Lance,

    I know how you feel. My dad goes for his follow-up CAT scan tomorrow and results on Thursday. I get so anxious when "scan" time comes around. I'll be praying for you.

  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Nobody can be "in the moment" all the time. A worthy goal, but don't beat yourself up about it if you can't achieve it. Sometimes I lie in bed and think I just have to scream. Cancer is a scary disease. The thing that helps me the most (besides prayer)is to walk, walk, walk.

  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610
    Hi Lance,

    Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part...

    Something that helps me get through scans is realizing that the results will more likely be good news, than bad news. After you've gone through something so intense as cancer, you are bound to have a few down moments. The key is to not allow yourself to stay in that dark place for too long. For me, I find that if I shift my thinking to things that give me hope, rather than things that make me fearful, I can lift myself out of the funk. We don't get to choose cancer, but we can choose how we think and feel about it.

    Many blessings for healing and peace of mind to you....Katie
  • ldot123
    ldot123 Member Posts: 272
    Wow - Thanks for all of your responses and words of encouragement. Knowing that others understand your pain and fears helps brings things into perspective. Love to you all. Lance
  • jenalynet
    jenalynet Member Posts: 361
    Hi lance,
    I go through the same feelings when it is time for my blood work etc. Hang in there, it will all be good..I will keep you in my thoughts, Hugs to you... Audrey
  • hannacat
    hannacat Member Posts: 101
    Hi,i'm having a follow up colonoscopy on friday and preping now. I know how it is. Someone should invent a pill or meditation or something for these days. Hang in there, Hanna
  • tlsart
    tlsart Member Posts: 33
    Lance, everyday I wake up with anxiety about something having to do with the monster called cancer. I try to focus on a few sayings and scripture to get me started on good footing mentally. "This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad" and "Pain is inevitable,misery is optional, choose to be joyful" Staying in the moment if a full time job, I'm struggling with that one myself!!! I will be praying your tests have favorable results. Theresa
  • jams67
    jams67 Member Posts: 925
    Lance, You feel the way you feel and having a place to vent helps. We understand your apprension about waiting. I pray that your scans will be clear.
    Jo Ann