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Adoption?!?!?

KierstenRx's picture
KierstenRx
Posts: 249
Joined: Nov 2006

Hi all,
Haven't posted in a few weeks, but know that all of you are never far from my thoughts and prayers. For the newer people was diagnosed stage III rectal cancer at age 32 in Sept 2006. Have been NED since last June and am closing in on the 2 year mark.

My husband and I had always put off having children (I put him through law school and then waited for him to open his own office). I never gave it a second thought and figured there would be plenty of time. Then I was diagnosed with rectal cancer, made infertile from the radiation, and had a hysterectomy at the time of my bowel resection. I did not mourn the loss of not being able to have children until about six months ago, I guess my mind was too focused on just getting through treatment.

My husband and I had discussed adopting clear back to when we were dating. Several months ago he said he was checking into it. My normal upbeat positive attitude got the best of me and I said to him, who would give me a baby I had cancer. It really made him mad, he said there are no guarentees in life and we would make good parents. Well I haven't given it too much more thought......until tonight.

My husband came home tonight and asked me how serious I am about adopting a baby. I told him I am at peace with it and if God wants us to be parents then it will happen, if not I still can live a fulfilled life. He then went on to say a couple of his contacts have two teenage girls that want to put their babies up for adoption. Apparently behind my back he has told every attorney and group that we are looking for a baby. He said nothing is definate at all, but we could maybe have a child in 6-7 months...

When he said that my first thought was "holy crap"...... I suddenly just felt happy inside, but at the same time my mind started racing.....what if I get sick again, what if the cancer comes back, what if I have no patience, what if I suck as a mom......The what ifs seem to be holding me back lately at living the life I want to live. Anyway it's late and I had to share this news with my family of friends here.

Kiersten

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

Kiersten,
That's a wonderful thing your husband is doing for you. Be brave! Do it! You would love having children!

*hugs*
Gail

chynabear's picture
chynabear
Posts: 483
Joined: Jul 2005

Kiersten,

I was diagnosed right when I turned 27, in 2004. I already had my daughter who was 15 months old. I didn't mourn the possibility of not having more kids until later. I figured when I was diagnosed that I was already blessed to have my daughter, and I am... but it's still hard to have that option taken away from you.

I think adoption is a great idea. It's awesome that your husband is already checking into the possiblity. There are so many kids that would be lucky to be brought into your life.

The doubts that you are experiencing, with maybe the exception of wondering if you'll get sick again, are normal doubts. When I found out I was pregnant (before I ever even though cancer would be in my life) I totally wondered if I would be a good enough mom. Guess what, you will be a great mom. As far as getting sick, my first oncologist always told me that the difference between myself and everyone else walking down the street is that I know I am sick. It took me a long time to figure out what he was saying. What I think he meant was that any one of us could be sick, including him, at any time in our lives and many are likely already sick and just don't know it yet. I just knew that reality. Anybody, anywhere can get sick or hurt or killed by any number of things... but that doesn't mean that they should be denied having a child... and neither should you.

I'm crossing my fingers for you!

Tricia

Limey's picture
Limey
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi Kiersten, What great thoughts to be thinking and discussing within your household. so much more filled with life than talking about that C stuff. I have three children my oldest is 21, she is my bio child - she is a mini rock star and a great kid. she came to colon palooza last yr.

My 2nd child, my partner and I adopted Caleb from Ukraine back in 2000. in 2004 I got cancer. not done yet, (I was) my partner increased the pressure guage wanting yet another loving little money snatching, food gobbling, life changing child. I was quite hesitant. I did not want to get to know yet another child only to say goodbye if my cancer were to come back.

Eli came home from Guatemala in March 2006. Bertween the time we decided to adopt and he came home, my cancer returned. I had a difficult time letting go and getting to know this young one. Then one day he smiled at me, and I fell in Love. I have learned that God puts theese opportunities for happiness in our lives for many reasons. Not always the ones we thik he should. This last adoption has been difficult while dealing with a major reoccurance but..... every day has been brighter because of those children. maybe this is an opportunity for more happiness for you or just a reminder to find happiness each day. either way, I hope you enjoy the journey.
Mark.

Moesimo's picture
Moesimo
Posts: 1080
Joined: Aug 2003

You go girl. Get that baby. Life goes on after cancer. I still remember how scared I was during diagnosis and treatment. Well its been 5 years and I am doing well. I think all of us who have been down this crummy cancer road look at life very differently.

That your husband wants this baby and as long as you do as well, I say go for it. Life is just too short.

Maureen

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Aw, dearheart...you said it yourself..."If God wants us to be parents...."

As others said, there are no guarantees in life. Children are, admittedly, alot of work, (I had 2 special needs, if you remember, one of them died recently) but there are LOTS of smiles and hugs!!!!! Knowing everything, I still would have had my kids!

Hugs, Kathi

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kmygil
Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Sweetie, my husband spends lots of his free time being afraid of the return of my cancer. I spend most of my free time playing with my dog,admiring hummingbirds and laughing with my friends. Either he or I could be struck by lightning at any time, but which one of us has really enjoyed life? I keep putting out food for hummingbirds, I adopted the dog after diagnosis and my friends continue to be blessings in my life. Any of us could go at any time. Take the joy you deserve. If a child needs your joy and you the child's, then adopt! Hugs!
Kirsten

Faith4Cure
Posts: 405
Joined: Mar 2007

Kiersten,
Awesome! Don't let the past hold you back from what you want. You are going to be fine---and a fine mother too!! This is just what you need to get the "C" word out of your house.Your husband is right, there are no guarantees and no one knows what the future holds for any of us.

I have two children and I cannot imagine what the past 19 years would have been like without them. Go for it--you deserve happiness!
Faith

pamness
Posts: 515
Joined: Nov 2007

As they say life is for the living. You were diagnosed with a horrible disease at a very young age. But now you have a chance to realize a dream - family - I say go for it. The cancer probably won't come back. Don't pass up such a wonderful opportunity because of "what if."

Pam

dn220's picture
dn220
Posts: 79
Joined: Sep 2007

You should definitely do it. Dont let the evil monster stop you. Heck noone knows what the future holds, you could live to see your grandchildren or lets face it, God forbid, u could get hit by a truck crossing the street too. In other words we never know, live it to the fullest and luv a child.
Deb

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

That is awesome Kiersten! My husband and I have been talking about having a baby too. I keep getting cold feet though and I know my husband has them too, but time is a wasting for us. I am 38 and he's 43, so it's now or never! My doctor at MD Anderson told me I could go ahead and try after 2 years NED, now it has been almost 4 and I am still piddling around with the whole pregnancy thing. I hope that we can get pregnant at some point this year. I certainly don't want to miss out on the opportunity to have a child, and neither should you!
Best of luck and keep us posted!
Susan H.

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