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Posts: 7
Joined: Jun 2008

My father is suffering from stage 4 kidney cancer. although responding well to the chemo, he is a wreck. It's been 3 months and he barely gets out of bed and doesnt want to leave the house. I tell him its a "fight". He says he's tired and sick and doesnt know how.

If you dont mind... Please respond by starting with Dear Dan... and explain to him what "Fighting cancer" is to you. I would love to print them out and give them to him. I cant imagine what he is going through, but you all can. Thanks in advance for your always perfect words.

Anonymous user (not verified)

Dear Dan,
I received three cancer diagnoses over a span of 10 years. Each time I thought I was near the end. It seemed I just could not find what it would take to do what had to be done.
But I fought because: I had kids who needed me, and their need was greater than my need to give up.
Because: I believed (and still do) that every day God chooses to allow me to remain on this earth is a day I have something to DO.
Because: There were things I wanted to see....(my unborn grandchildren, my son graduate from college ...which is due this December), etc, etc.
Because: Some people would miss me, big time. And I did not want to put that grief on them one moment sooner than necessary.
These are my reasons for fighting cancer.
Oh, by the way, all this began over 22 years ago...I turned 60 this summer...just think what I would have missed.
Don't miss anything you don't have to. :)
God bless.

Posts: 288
Joined: May 2003

Hi lupi,
Have you looked at the possibility that your father is depressed and may benefit from some help? Many oncology depts. have social workers on call with experience helping cancer patients. Depression is common among cancer patients.

Hugs and prayers to you and your dad,

Posts: 288
Joined: May 2003

Dear Dan,

I know a cancer diagnosis is difficult to handle and on top of that are the treatments which are not easy.

Treatments make you tired so you don't feel like doing anything. The whole thing also depresses you so you don't want to do anything. But that is not very good for you. Don't give up on hope; it is what helps you become a warrior. You'll be surprised to find you are stronger than you thought you were.

I have a rare cancer for which there is no cure, only palliative care like radiation if a tumors is causing too much pain. My tumors grow slowly and I have many metastases, mostly on my bones. I've been battling this since 1987; I discovered I am stronger than I though I was and I am not about to give up just yet. What helped me the most was faith in God, therapy and worry about my kids because they were young and my husband who needed me.

Faith in a Supreme being helps for many people, no matter what your religion or beliefs are.

For others a sense of humor works well.

The important thing is not to give up. To find your hidden strength and fight. As bad as things seem to be, try to find something positive, it helps.

Cancer and its treatments are scary. We all go thru that, it is normal and it is also possible to overcome our fears. Take one day at a time, rest if you are tired. Try to maintained a good diet if you can eat, otherwise have a nutritional drink. You don't have to get up and fight physically, it's all in your mind, that's the battleground.

All the feelings of fear, depression, etc. are normal and that is why many oncology departments have social workers on call who have experience with cancer patients. For some people a support group helps too.

And while it is OK to be depressed for a while, it is better not to stay there.

Hugs and prayers to you and your family,

terato's picture
Posts: 383
Joined: Apr 2002

Dear Dan,

I was first diagnosed in 1980. Since then, I became an advocate for the employment rights of cancer survivors, received tribute in the U.S. Congressional Record, traveled to 16 foreign countries, earned a second masters degree, changed careers, and buried every other member of my immediate family who worried about me when I was receiving treatment.

If I told you that I was "happy" all the time, I would be lying. I consider the phrase "peace of mind" a foreign language! To me, "fighting cancer" is/was "acting as if" "you" had the cancer, not the other way around and "faking it, until "you" make it", just so that you can get through each day.

Like Zahalene, I believe that God wants me here for reasons I have yet to learn. God often chooses the "least of His bretheran" to fulfill His mission on earth. Believe me, the word "least" fits me on most mornings!

Love and Courage!


RE's picture
Posts: 4644
Joined: Feb 2004

Dear Dan,

Please do not let cancer steal your joy; stage 4 does not mean the end. In 1998 I was a stage 4 due to metastic breast cancer, I decided to fight. I endured a years worth of chemo and rads and understand how hard it can be. I know it is not easy and I know there are day's when it is easier to just sit and that is okay, but you must also remember the reasons to live, the good times you have had the the ones you still want to have. I see cancer as a disease that I can fight with a good medical team. I wish you all the best Dan and will keep you in my prayers!


Eil4186's picture
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

Dear Dan, Cancer is a very scary thing to face and the treatments are exhausting and unpleasant I know. But with that said, it is possible to win the battle and enjoy life again. You must never lose hope. Try and be positive because the mind is extremely powerful. When we are very scared or worried, our mind causes our body to become sick(diarrhea, trembles, loss of appetite etc.....). All this is caused by our mind. If this is true, then the opposite MUST also be true. In other words, our mind can also control our bodyies in a positive HEALING way when we think positive and hopeful.

I know it is not easy Dan, but statistics don't mean squat, you are an individual and your body is like no one else's. You must dig down and find your strength and be a warrior. You can fight and beat cancer. Try to nourish your body, treat yourself to your favorite treats/things to do and surround yourself with your friends and family. Let them help you. I found when I was going through treatment it helped me the most to be around people I cared about. They cheered me up. You are in my prayers Dan, God bless. Eileen

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