10 years out

I have plenty to be grateful for after these last 10 years of survival. I did manage to turn the clock on all the pain and side effects from all the treatments and become more than doctors had ever hoped. They had left me to a puddle of pain and fatigue thinking that my diseases would now keep me from returning to the career I knew and more than part time hours.
Yet, after these 10 years and all I have accomplished it amazes me how quickly we can brought back to a time of unknown and dispair and many of the feelings I carried for years through my cancer scare. When I had thought I was from all the feelings and emotions oh how quickly they come pouring in when there are othere crisis to meet head on.
Now the trick in this life of mine is not reverting back to the life of stress that I allowed to rule me for much of my life. I have many more coping skills than I did back then and have changed allot of who I am but the train of life keeps rolling and more things keep coming my way. One wonders how we will ever get through all we must but somehow we just do keep on keeping on.
I just wish my relationship could move closer to the life we once knew before the cancer came. It has been 10 long years and still working on holding our unit together and keeping our family as one. One would think that cancer cures the relationship woes but instead can add to them and it can take along time to get back to where you once were together if at all. I am still working on this one and it hasn't been easy since feeling I work on alone someting that won't keep us as a WE. I am getting tired of being the comprimiser and often the one leading us around. I have to wonder sometimes if it is worth my efforts when it doesn't seem the other cares to much. When is marriage truly the marriage of our minds and our thoughts truly of each other, on the same page?? I am beginning to believe that there is only on in a relationship as my mother says something I never want to believe all these years. I thought I had found the partner and she was there to help me financially through the painful years. But cancer has changed us, both of us and wonder if there is enough in common to make it work after all these years. Cancer didn't straighten things out in our minds I think it has left more questions than answers. When will this end and the NEW chapter actual begin??
Tara