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Lost in Canada

fryme
Posts: 11
Joined: Jun 2008

I went to emergency for some other thing, the doctor there decided to send me for an exray. So my husband and I sat and waited. My husband went for a coffee,the doctor came in and ask where my hubby went. I told him and ask why, he said I'll tell you when he comes in. I said tell me it's my body and I'll tell him if I want to. Well they found a dark spot on my left lung, it didn't surprise me. I don't know why, but it realy didn't, well my hubby came back and I told him. He said don't worry it mite not be cancer. Then we started to laugh, they thought we were nuts. So I went to a specialist to have it check, I live in Canada so it takes a long time to see one. This started in 2004 near Christmas, I didn't get in the hospital until Feb.2005, they tried but my lung collapse. They call my house but I wouldn't answer, they kept trying and they got my son.Well I had to go to emergency and my son wouldn't leave me until the doctor show up. Then I told him he could go, because I didn't want him to see then stick the tube in. The doctor got me in a room so I wouldn't leave and not come back for the scope. I was there for 2 weeks, then he did the test and came to my room.My hubby was there when he told us that it was cancer, my hubby desided to go for a tea and coffee. Then my doctor told me that if I didn't get the surgery, then I better make a will because I only had 5 years to live. I don't like to be told something when my husband wasn't there, so I told the doctor we all have to die and you gave me more than I thought I had.Then my hubby came in when the doctor was still there, I told my hubby I have 5 years to live and if he wanted I would pick out a new wife for him.Well that upset the doctor that he left the room. My appointment was in April to tell me that it was cancerous. I already went on the net to fine everything I could on lung cancer and questions to ask him. The doctor started to tall to my husband like I wasn't there. I told him to tell me, I'm the one who as it not him. When I started to ask questions all he said was operate and take it out. I ask if I had other options, he said yes but I should be surgery and thats that. I told him I would think about it, he said don't take to long. He also said that he was going to tell the other doctors that I should have surgery. I set the appointments up with my other 2 doctors. First doctor wouldn't answer any of my questions except one what I had Adenocarcinoma -T2NOMO that was the chemo in June. Next was the radiation doctor, before he open his mouth I told him that I'm not being operated. He was good on answering my questions that I went with him. My husband was with me all through this, my first appointment for radiation was Sept.2005. He even went to my first one, then that was it. I went by myself for 45 days, it's still in dormant. I have no one to talk to, my friends don't want to hear. my husband said I'm fine as long as I can walk and he doesn't want to talk about it. So as you see I have no one to talk about it. My doctor is the only one that I can talk to, but you only get 3 questions. I keep it all in and I cry a lot but my husband just leaves. Now it's June-2008 Thanks for listen to me.

cabbott
Posts: 1048
Joined: Aug 2006

This is a great place to come and talk, ask questions or just vent. I wish the live chat room was up and working so it was more like a "real" conversation, but the discussion boards are better than nothing. There are sometimes support groups being held at your local hospital. You didn't mention your age, but it is not wrong at any age to decide what kind of treatment you want. Most folks that have lung cancer do not find out soon enough to be able to have surgery. If it has already progressed out of the lung, they don't bother with that. The radiation and chemo work to some degree and apparently are doing the trick for you. It is very scary being diagnosed with cancer. Most of us get highly emotional. Many get treatment for clinical depression on top of their treatment for lc. I told the doctor I thought I had a good reason for being depressed and refused meds, but looking back I wonder if they might have made life easier. I went the "good routine" route and upped the amount of exercise I got each day, ate "calming foods, found support groups (this one online, a bunch of fellow survivors at church, a face-to-face one at the Wellness Community[nation-wide organization] in town, and occasional other workshops on lung cancer or Relays for Life held nearby), talked once to a clincial social worker about my fears(she said I was coping just fine but meds were there if I ever wanted them), and did short-term fun stuff (ski trip, kayak trip, camping trip, visit to family...like every three months or so). I notice that I'm not nearly as emotional now as I was the first two years. I used to cry two or three times a day, though sometimes it was so bad I couldn't cry. A plan helped and so did friends. Husbands are great, but mine says he has his own life and doesn't want to go through cancer too unless he has it. Mind you, mine will take me to the clinic 100 miles away, but he goes off shopping while I'm there when he comes. I think I got one or two extra hugs each time I was diagnosed (I have both breast cancer and lung cancer, both stage 1), but no honeymoon treatment. Not dealing with it is his way of keeping things on an even keel. He would rather I not even mention things to my teenage son, but that doesn't work for my son who wants to know everything so he knows how much to worry (like me that boy!). So I guess it is more how people are and how they cope with scary stuff than just a man thing. I try to get my needs met elsewhere if it turns out to be something my husband can't or won't do, and my friends seem to be really good in the supportive department when I need it. Write back any time!

fryme
Posts: 11
Joined: Jun 2008

I'm 59 years old and counting. My cancer was 3cm. but the doctor said I had a 50% that he would get it all. Not good odds for me, I'm new in town so I don't have friends. I deal with it on my own, my son worry more about me. I tried to talk to my husband, he said he didn't want to hear about and if I keep trying he would get up and leave. I do vitamins and in April I went to see the radiation doctor, he told me now I can go a year then see him. The cancer is at the top of my lung, but the doctor who wanted to operate thought he was god. I didn't like him from the start, I told him I wanted a second opinion, he told me that it was a wast of time. I had nothing to say that I had cancer and I still don't. My husband think that as long as I can get out of bed that there is nothing wrong with me. I cry a lot but my husband just figures that I'm having a bad day or night and goes away.

fryme
Posts: 11
Joined: Jun 2008

I'm 59 years old and counting. My cancer was 3cm. but the doctor said I had a 50% that he would get it all. Not good odds for me, I'm new in town so I don't have friends. I deal with it on my own, my son worry more about me. I tried to talk to my husband, he said he didn't want to hear about and if I keep trying he would get up and leave. I do vitamins and in April I went to see the radiation doctor, he told me now I can go a year then see him. The cancer is at the top of my lung, but the doctor who wanted to operate thought he was god. I didn't like him from the start, I told him I wanted a second opinion, he told me that it was a wast of time. I had nothing to say that I had cancer and I still don't. My husband think that as long as I can get out of bed that there is nothing wrong with me. I cry a lot but my husband just figures that I'm having a bad day or night and goes away.

nubis's picture
nubis
Posts: 98
Joined: Mar 2008

My husband 31 years old was diagnosed with small lung cancer oct 2007 and the doctor said: It's kind of late and we don't know how the tumor will respond. That's scary. But the doctors can say something but you have the last word. The doctor said if we don't arrive to the hospital my husband will be dead. It's almost a year since then and my husband is responding to the treatment because he wants to live and be in the survivors of cancer. But I know he couldn't be strong without the support of all his family including me. You need to talk with your husband. You need it. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it because he don't want to hurt you. Sometimes we don't know what to say. When my husband said one day:"If something happen..... and I interrupted him..."nothing is gonna happen" and he very calmed told me : we need to talk about this just one time and after that I don't want to talk dead just to live every day.
Talk with your husband just one day about your feelings, you will feel better, and after that just talk about the simple things of live and try to enjoy every day.
Difficult? Yes
Painful? Of course, but I'm sure your husband loves you but he is scared more than you.
take care
Nubis

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