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No diagnosis yet for my mom/still waiting

Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2008

Still waiting for the results of the biopsy to come back from what he took from the bone marrow on my mom's hip. I can't stand the wait. As of right now we know that the cancer has metasised and is on the ribs and all the bones up into her head. My mom is in lots of pain and I can't get her to take the pain medicine. I try to tell her that she needs to not be in pain. My mom has lived with me since I lost my 14 year old son in 1993 and I can hardly bear the thought of losing my mom. The waiting is making me crazy.

soccerfreaks's picture
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

Two things: first, re the pain medication...I was always one to wean myself of the drugs as fast as I could. My wife, who is a nurse, and a darned good one at that, advised me that pain management is PART OF THE TREATMENT, PART OF THE CURE. It is really important that your mom take the meds as prescribed...no more, no less, but that she take them. They facilitate healing, actually, and at the very least, as you acknowledge yourself, there is simply no reason for her to be in unnecessary pain.
I frankly believe that pain makes it easier for us to capitulate to the disease, I frankly believe that getting rid of the pain, as best we can, helps us to maintain hope and to maintain fight. I know personally that only when I am in really acute pain do I even remotely think the fight is not worth it.

As for the waiting, I'm afraid to say that the cancer survivor theme song is probably Tom Petty's "The Waiting is the Hardest Part". Sad but true. As someone advised in your previous thread, there are reasons for the waiting. I was diagnosed with tongue cancer at the end of August in 2005, and while I was sent to the hospital immediately for some tests to confirm my readiness for surgery, I didn't actually have the surgery until October. I don't think I was much worse for wear as a result. The docs should know how agressive your mom's cancer is, and how fast they need to act.

In the meantime, I wish her well, and wish you well too. Be sure to take care of yourself so that you can help to take care of her. I would suggest that you stop worrying, but that would be futile, I know.

Take care,


Anonymous user (not verified)

I think Joe is making a very important point here. Pain uses up a good deal of our available energy that we DESPERATELY need to fight the disease itself. I was also of that old-fashioned 'bite your lip and bear it' up-bringing, but I learned better....the hard way. We are fortunate to have a wide range of good pain meds available these
days. Please encourage your Mom to take advantage of which ever ones her doctor prescribes.
And that other thing...please take good care of yourself, in case this turns into a long haul...you don't want to experience burn-out in the middle of it.

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