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Love of my life diagnosed terminal

JMS75's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2008

About 6 months ago I found my true love and soulmate. The most beautiful woman in every way I could ever meet. We have so much in common. We met over our parents. She lost her dad to cancer 3 years ago and I lost both of my parents by 28. She had beat cervical cancer at the age of 22. 5 months ago she was diagnosed with Kidney cancer. She has been in trials for medicine without doing chemo. It had worked for a bit then the tumor grew and it went into her adrenal glands.

The last visit a week ago the doctor basically said unless a miracle cure was found the cancer would take her.

We both met not looking for what we found in each other and I know she is the woman of my dreams and every moment we get we cherish. She is trying to move here to Kansas City to go to the KU med center. The medicine they give her is keeping it from spreading anymore but she says what's the point.

They gave her options with chemo and surgery. At times she gets weak and thinks it would be better to just let me go because she feels bad if something happens. We are planning to get married before she gets to that stage.

I know she can fight this and win but I feel bad for pushing her if those are her wishes. All I can do is to make every second the best it can be. I will never give up hope and I know deep down she can beat this. I want to marry her even though my family thinks I'm nuts I don't care I know even though we have been out of previous long term relationships the time we spend is magical and there is nobody I could ever meet like her.

I was so upset because to meet your true love and then have them ripped away seems unfair. But to have actually found them in this world is a gift of its own. She is scared and I don't blame her. I have no idea what to think at this point I am remaing positive and I will not give up on her getting better.

terato's picture
Posts: 383
Joined: Apr 2002


You are truly the greatest gift she could have at this point. The love you display in your message will give her the strength she needs to get through this to whatever it becomes. I have survived nearly 26 years following my initial diagnosis despite many set-backs. My wife divorced me, my parents died, and my only sibling committed suicide subsequent to the conclusion of my treatments. I can only wish and pray to find someone who cares as much as you do for her.

God bless you and her!


Posts: 282
Joined: Jan 2008

Finding true love is in deed a blessing. I have cance and do not know what tomorrow will bring but I do have my true love and giving him as much time of me as possible is the only gift I can give him. Yes, a part of me wants to get this whole thing over and allow him to live but our lives are as one right now. We have spoken and he knows my wishes are that after...AFTER...I am gone, I do want him to find love again and have a full life. Right now....he has a full life with me and we are having the best time of my life. Yes, we do have our down times on this rollercoaster ride but we have more up than downs. We are making wonderful memories and if the shoe was on the other foot, I would not walk away, he is my life, my soul, my breath. That is what a true partnership is all about. I agree to have see if she can move or you can move together. Enjoy each day for the day...don't look into the future...it will be there, enjoy this day, today. I laugh more, smile more, make wonderful memories for both of us. This is a gift we give each other. It is not that he is a hero or I am a hero....we are partners and total trust is that TOTAL TRUST. I watched both my parents die of cancer, my mom was my best friend, and I would not give any amount of money for those wonderful times we had during her treatment. Was it all wonderful, absolutely not but I have a ton of great memories and laughs...Making memories is what it is all about and the gifts we give those we love. We are all terminal...we all will die, some sooner than others....life is good for the day...enjoy as much as you can. I do not fear death, one time I died on the table and actually floated up to the corner of the room, I could see my body below coming off the table and tons of people yelling, pumping my body, putting needles in but I felt wonderful...it was a fantastic feeling, then I zoomed back to my body. I will never forget the feeling of ultimate peace...it was fantastic. I was with my mom when she saw a light and as the hours continued, the light became brighter, she smiled and said someone was there...her eyes were like in a state of grace...there is no doubt that someone come for you. I do not want to go but I do not fear it. I know my memories will last for my love ones life time. I don't know if this sounds like rambling but I pray you share this with her. Cancer as awful as it is does allow us time to be with our loved ones....believe it or not...that is a precious gift that I love each day I can have it. Angela

RE's picture
Posts: 4644
Joined: Feb 2004

Hello JM,

First let me say that I am sorry that this is the path you and your loved one are on. Now I am a three time cancer survivor who has been battling cancer for 11 years. Without the love and support my husband has given to me I am not sure I would have gotten this far. I realize how she feels, I too sometimes feel like my husband got a bum deal saddled with sickie me. However, he does not feel that way. He makes everyday a good one, we argue very little and we laugh a lot. Time is precious and each moment should be enjoyed as much as you can. Good luck to the both of you, I will be praying for you both.

kristasplace's picture
Posts: 953
Joined: Oct 2007

Sorry, late reply! I hope you are still reading these posts. I agree with what everyone else said. We ARE all terminal, and having cancer is NEVER a guarantee that that is what you'll die from. There is much hope for her if they found a treatment that will keep the cancer from spreading. She can live a very long time, with quality of life as long as they can keep it at bay. Then they will eventually find a cure. So many less people are dying of my cancer today (the second leading cause of cancer deaths, colon), then they were ten or even five years ago. People who were stage IV (including my uncle) were terminal not that long ago, and still my uncle lived with lung metastasis for 25 years!

There is no need for her to give up. Or for you! You can have a wonderful life together, just concentrate on that.

Many hugs,

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2007

I just lost the love of my life less than a month ago to bone cancer. He was my first boyfriend at age 14 and in Aug. of '05 I decided to make him my last boyfriend too. 2 days before he had his leg amputated I asked him to marry me. We had been living common-law in '05 and I was his wife, girlfriend, buddy, best friend and caregiver. As we found out that it didn't look good for him and he went into the hospice, we had a spiritual wedding at the hospice - he passed away 6 hours later.

The reason I'm telling you this is that almost always a woman will prepare her own wedding - she may not have the energy to do so - you may have to have help her arrange her wedding or elope or see the J.P. but DON'T put things off like I did. My guy passed away on our wedding night - March 26th. Please don't let your family nudge their way in and force you both into a "big wedding" if that's something you two don't want. You have to be her man and her caregiver all in one and let me tell you, it's going to be a tall order filled with love.......If push comes to shove with the family calling you nuts or hers saying the same thing, if you love her and it sounds like you do, you'll "circle the wagon" if you know what I mean and let no one in. It's just you two and your love for each other. I had known my man for 24 years and I'm 38 so there was a definite fondness we had over all those years, and when we were diagnosed, I had the resolve that I was going to take care of EVERYTHING - and I did - with a smile on my face. I still love him and always will and I miss him right this minute but I totally understand where your coming from. Don't put off your wedding - JUST DO IT so you two can make memories....

My prayers are with you two,


Madre's picture
Posts: 124
Joined: Apr 2008

Thank God you 2 have each other! Looking forward to and preparing for a future helps get you through the tough times. Who knows, if the meds she is taking is keeping the cancer from spreading maybe they will find a new med to cure it, or keep it at bay. Ask yourself, would you marry each other if she wasn't ill? She sounds like a strong woman. If it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't get through the day. God gave you to each other. He has a plan that we can only be players in. Marry this woman and fight together. Love is powerful. It will help when she is afraid knowing that she is loved and supported by such a giving guy. And you will take comfort knowing you found your soul mate. Even people that don't have cancer can't know how much time we have on thisearth. Live every day to it's fullest. Follow your heart and you'll make the right choice. Good luck to you both. :-)

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