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Partner of a patient

JMS75's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2008

My name is Jason and my girlfriend and love of my life was diagnosed with kidney cancer 4 months ago. It is the 2nd time. It has spread to her Adrenal glands and the prognosis wasn't good. They told her unless they find a miracle cure it's over. They wouldn't tell her how long. She is and has been on experimental trial meds. They did say that surgery to remove the bad kidney and chemo were an option but where she is right now it's not. I'm trying to get her to move with me and be able to go to Kansas University Medical Center here in Kansas City.

I know she can beat this, but sometimes I think she gets really scared and thinks about giving up. She on occasions thinks it's cruel or hurtful to me to stay together. We have planned to get married before she gets to the bad parts if it comes to that. It is very hard to not think about the finality of it all. At the same time every moment with her is and would be more than I could ask for from anyone else. I want her to fight like I know she can but I also know what I am asking if she does and the treatment alone could do her in. She is such a beautiful person inside and out. I know she is my true soulmate and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else as long as I live.

I need some advice on what to do. Should I be the rock and have her fight the good fight even though she may not want to? Or do what she wishes and if she wishes to give up let her? She has beaten cancer before I know she can do it again. Any advice would help

Thank you

Posts: 4
Joined: Mar 2008

Cancer is scary, period. It can make u feel like giving up. This is my second time with kidney cancer too. Personally, I am not going to give up no matter how bad it gets. I would urge her to fight, but only she can make that choice. Once you have the mindset that you aren't going to make, you probably won't. Maybe she needs a second opinion, you hear all the time of ppl that are given x amount of weeks/months to live and go and seek another opinion, only to beat the cancer. Always keep hoping!

lbinmsp's picture
Posts: 266
Joined: Jun 2006

Hello, Jason. I am so sorry about your girlfriend! I've done the 'second time around' with kidney cancer and sometimes it can be beaten back (at least for a time). I will say that your situation reminds my of my brother and his wife. He had acute myelogenous leukemia and he wanted his wife to leave him before things got too bad. He pushed her and pushed her and she would call me and cry and ask why he wanted her to leave. I really thought (and still believe) that he was offering her an out. He was a doctor and he knew what was coming and wanted to spare her. She just dug in and told him that no way was she leaving and no way was he going to push her out. They were in it together til the end. And they were. She was with him when he died and they were as much in love at that moment as they were at any other time in their lives. Sounds like you are a special person, as is she. God bless you both and I hope she can beat this again!

JMS75's picture
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2008

Thank you both for your words they do help a lot. I find that people who have lived thru or are going thru something are more inciteful than anyone else. Why Tabatha and I understand each other so well. Besides cancer we are survivors of something else as children. Only we and others who have lived thru that understand truly. We are seeking alternatives before doing full out chemo. She wants to come here to KU med center but she hasn't decided to stay where she is at or not.

His_emmy's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: Oct 2007

Hi! I too have the love of my life with metastisized RCC. He was diagnosed in Sept because he broke his leg due to a bone tumor and from there we found he has kidney cancer. We are long distance; met online 5 years ago. He is in Minnesota and I am in NJ. Since meeting we travel back and forth as often as we can. We were engaged when the monster struck and we went with it and got married on Jan 2, 2008 even though we still have to be apart. I think that gave him a stronger will to live. I know your pain. *HUG* Ironically I lost my other angel husband Ray from Non-Hodgkins in 2002 after having him for 20 years. Life can really, really suck at times but I have had many blessings as well. Feel free to write to me at felineluvr2001@yahoo.com if you ever need to just chat. It helps, believe me! My prayers are with you. ~emmy~

Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2008

If there is no other way, then the only way is surgery. It will not be cured if you doesn't take any further action.We want to try all the possible things.God will do the rest.
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