how to deal with fear

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ohilly
ohilly Member Posts: 441
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I just started communicating on this board. I was diagnosed with intraductal invasive breast cancer two weeks ago at a small community hospital in Chicago. I took all my films and records and went to Rush Presbyterian St. Luke's. I don't know that much so far, but they told me my tumor seems small (1 cm) and when they felt under my arms they couldn't feel anything which they said was a good sign (making it appear less likely that there is lympth node involvement) although they could not say for sure until they do the surgery obviously. I still have to have more tests (the teaching hospital wants to do their own mammogram) and then the surgery is probably going to be next Friday. My biggest fear (but I have many) is that I'll wake up from the surgery and they'll tell me some really bad news. This is probably not encouraging to others to hear me say this, but I don't think I can handle this and I feel like I'll fall down in a dead faint. How did others handle getting the news after the surgery? Do they tell you right away? What was it like for you? I am scared. Ohilly

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  • KFincher
    KFincher Member Posts: 1
    #2
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    You will deal it. God gives us the strength to handle and cope with the most horrific news. I started chemo right away before they even did surgery. I knew from the start that they had to shrink my tumor before they could perform a radical masectomy. Be positive that they found yours early. I was in stage 3 with inflammatory breast cancer and that was in December of 2005 and I am still here. Be strong, God is with you all the way.
  • jdubious
    jdubious Member Posts: 113
    #3
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    hi ohilly,
    my doctor gave me the news (what news he had, there were more details after all the lab stuff was done) right after the surgery, or at least as soon as I was awake. My thinking was that I wanted to know everything, but I did some visualizing of different results and how I would feel about them. What is the worst thing they could tell me? At least I would be alive to hear the results and take action. (and even if I did faint, at least I was in a hospital!) I had a great surgeon who understood that I wanted aggressive treatment, so I felt like no matter what the results were, he was supportive and would help me fight and see that I got the treatment I needed. It can't hurt to mention your fears to your treatment team. It can be a whirlwind of appointments and tests and confusing information after diagnosis and it's really scary too! The health care providers I "worked" with during my treatment were totally awesome - these are people who have chosen to help people with cancer, and they understand that you are scared and confused and that's ok.
    jill
  • 3cbrca
    3cbrca Member Posts: 206
    #4
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    Ohilly

    It is scary and we all know the fear. You're not alone. I've been amazed to find what we can handle. It may well be that you got it early. If not, somehow we all handle it. Sometimes gracefully and sometimes not so gracefully, but we get through.
    The first thing they do is take care of you. The tumor has to be analyzed by the Pathologist and that can take a couple of days. Depending upon the type of surgery and your recovery, you may well be home before you get the results from your doctor.
    In the meantime, I can only tell you what I did - I get in a swimming pool - the excercise is great and the water heals and soothes. Also, walking and walking and walking is a good way to get rid of some of the nervous energy and if there is ever a time to indulge yourself in massage - now is the time. (Kiva Spa in the Watertower is $$$ but very relaxing atmosphere - tell them why you're there -people you don't even know can be great) The other thing I did a lot of - DVDs of all of my favorite comedians - laughing and crying provide the same physical relief and laughing is more fun.

    I believe its also okay to ask your doc for some anti-anxiety medication. These are the types of situations for which they are made! What can be more anxiety provoking than waiting for to hear about your cancer?!
    I hope this helps.
    She
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #5
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    Hi Ohilly, I don't think they told me anything at the hospital. They don't test nodes during surgery here so I think I had to wait for the report. I was just so anxious to have it out before it spread any further that I didn't think much of anything else. Or if I did it was in such a way that it seemed like it was happening to someone else. I think I was still in shock.
    About the fear, I think we somehow just get through it. Each day passes and we're still here, planning treatmen, taking treatment or post treatment. You'll be OK and there will be lots of people that will be there for you. I was more scared before surgery than after cause I didn't want to have it done and knew I had to.

    Thank goodness your tumour is small I wish I had caught mine earlier.

    Best of luck to you
    jan
  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    #6
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    I had a lumpectomy six weeks ago at Northwestern. The only thing they could tell me afterward was the size of the tumor, the fact that the margins were clear and that the sentinal nodes were clear. The final report on the nodes and the final path report took a few more days. All I know is that you just need to put one step in front of the other and keep moving forward. Concenetrate on the fact tht you've caught it early. Feel positive about that. The rest will fall into place. Somehow you find the strength to put that foot forward. Hang in there, kiddo. You're a lot stronger than you think.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #7
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    I had a needle biopsy before my surgery to determine if it was cancer. So I knew going in that it was. I was told beforehand that if I awoke with a drain, it meant the cancer was in my nodes, but the surgeon felt that it wouldn't be, it didn't feel like it. Long story short, I awoke with a drain, and with my surgeon's face about 3 inches away, looking surprisingly like eyore...."It was in the nodes" he said as he shook his head....

    That said, I ALWAYS feel that information is the best weapon that you have in all of this. Better that they catch it all, right off the bat, so that treatment can be done ONCE and be the MOST effective. I am almost 2 years post treatment for the breast cancer, NED (No Evidence of Disease-closest they get to Cure word).

    Scared? Sure. But fighting MAD, too....I am always honest about my feelings, and routinely give me a break...lol!

    My point? With the info they have from this surgery, they will be able to plan the next step more precisely. You know, all of this is conquerable, and cancer is definately not an automatic death sentence. Sure, it has been like a nightmare so far for you, but sharing that you are frightened is half the battle. There are many, many of us survivors, both here and out in the world, that can lend support...you just have to ask...

    Find a funny movie to watch, or 2 or 3. Go for a drive.

    Hugs, Kathi
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    #8
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    When I woke up from the mastectomy, all I wanted to hear was that it was over and I was "fixed" the cancer was gone...you get my drift. My surgeon told me the operation part was over and had gone well. He told me the sentinel node looked fine on first examination. I asked if that meant I could skip chemo. (I was looking for the "cured" sign.) I didn't get it. The surgeon told me that micrometatases (really tiny spreads in the nodes) might show up when the pathologist did his tests. I would have to wait a few days for that report and then meet with the oncologist to decide what was best for me. So I concentrated on what I could control. I went home, cleaned up the dishes, did my exercises, hugged my family, and waited. Taking walks and doing exercises helped. Crying till I couldn't anymore helped. Writing all those thank you cards kept my mind busy. And later, stuff like yoga helped. The biggest help was deciding I really couldn't handle this fear and giving the outcome to God. So far, it has been 5 years and I'm still here. I have learned since then that cancer diagnosis is a lot like having dibetes or heart disease. It tends to be a chronic disease that can be treated but not really ever cured. That doesn't mean that life is rotten from here on out. Actually, I'm in much better shape now than I was before BC. Should I add that I am now also part of a lung short because of lung cancer on top of breast cancer? Bet I could still outlast most of the faculty at my school in an exercise contest. Most have no idea I'm a two time survivor. So hang in there. Finding out what you have is the first step in fighting it. When you know where the enemy is and what the enemy looks like, you will know what you need to knock the enemy down and keep the enemy from beating you down. Good luck!

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