I'm just lost today

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fainia
fainia Member Posts: 9
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
It's been a week or more since i've been on the board.I get so depressed sometimes it's hard to concentrate on anything.I feel my happy has been taken away from me.
I finished three rounds of chemo and it has totally destroyed my insides. I have constant pain everyday. I can't even stand up straight to walk around the block anymore.
My doctor has postponed my 4th treatment two weeks in a row now. Quite frankly I don't want to continue. I feel the chemo is killing me not cancer. I was diagnosed with a stage 1 a. I already had my surgery to remove what was there before we started chemo.
I feel like it will take a very long time to get my digestive tract back to healthy state and that continuing with chemo will never allow that.
Am i just being a quitter or do you think i have any grounds to quit chemo ?
Phyllis

Comments

  • jamilou
    jamilou Member Posts: 200
    #2
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    Phyllis
    Chemo is hard and harder on some than others. You need to talk to your doctor about your depression because that is something that you don't have to deal with right now. There are plenty of medications that can help you through this slump. When you are depressed it is so hard to see that there will be an end to all of this. If you are in pain...ask for medication. I really think that you will be able to think clearer and make a good decision once you have your pain management and depression under control. My suggestion would be to tell the doctor everything that you have told us here and than the two of you can work on answers together. Good luck Phyllis and know that you are not alone in how you feel. I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to make a good clear decision!
    Hugs
    Jami
  • Keelie
    Keelie Member Posts: 97
    #3
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    jamilou said:

    Phyllis
    Chemo is hard and harder on some than others. You need to talk to your doctor about your depression because that is something that you don't have to deal with right now. There are plenty of medications that can help you through this slump. When you are depressed it is so hard to see that there will be an end to all of this. If you are in pain...ask for medication. I really think that you will be able to think clearer and make a good decision once you have your pain management and depression under control. My suggestion would be to tell the doctor everything that you have told us here and than the two of you can work on answers together. Good luck Phyllis and know that you are not alone in how you feel. I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to make a good clear decision!
    Hugs
    Jami

    Hello Phyllis, I would like to echo what Jami has told you. She has enormous knowledge of this disease. As a 3 1/2 year survivor of Stage IIIC, I'm thrilled to hear that yours was caught at such an early stage. You have a great chance of beating this thing! Those of us who have had later stages and many recurrences wish ours could have been caught early. If you can manage it, I would love to see you be able to finish your treatment. We all have bad days, I'm just in the middle of a few myself. But, when you feel a little better, your attitude will change to the "fight" mode. I know it does for most of us. Try to do what Jami recommended and work with your doctor. We will all be anxious to hear back about how you are doing. With hugs and prayers, MM
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #4
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    I had to get through 4 chemos before I learned the tricks to make me feel better. I agree with the other ladies, you do not have to be in pain or depression. I took the anti depressant because it helped me sleep and sleep helped me cope. I'm still on it and may just stay that way. I had pain pills for the first four chemos, but did not need them for the next four. Needed lots for the week of surgery though!!! Get to your doctor and get the help you need. I'm Stage IV and fighting every step of the way with all the tools I can muster. Do you have someone to go to the doctor with you to be assertive? Backing you. Saundra
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #5
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    Phyllis:
    You have gotten some very sound advice from these wonderful ladies. Now here's a few more words of encouragement:
    You are ahead of where I was the first time around. I had stage 1C, meaning it ruptured upon removal. That wasn't too encouraging knowing the cancer had spilled into my body. So, I'm assuming that '1a' for you means they got it all and the chemo is a precaution?

    Please don't get discouraged. I agree with everyone else that you need to talk to your doctor - there are so many things out there that can be done to help you through this. Other than that, let us know what specifically are your most difficult issues, and maybe we can offer some suggestions.
    Hang in there, Phyllis. I know it's tough right now, but it is worth the fight. Let us know what we can do to help you through this. We've all been there, many of us more than once.
    Luv, hugs, and prayers,
    Monika
  • BonnieR
    BonnieR Member Posts: 1,526 Member
    #6
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    Dear Phyllis, My heart breaks for you as you suffer through the side affects. Are you on IP and IV treatments?

    I understand the pain that comes from the chemo and the wondering. You are not a quitter, each person has to do what is right for them. See if the postponement of the treatment helps. Maybe if you gain a little more strength you will feel differently.

    The other woman have shared lots of wisdom that comes from walking a similar road. Depression is not uncommon, sometimes it comes in waves from the premeds we get, sometimes from all life has dealt to us. Come here often, share your feelings, frustrations and victories. You will find lots of support, strength and encouragement.

    Hugs N Prayers Bonnie
  • fainia
    fainia Member Posts: 9
    #7
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    BonnieR said:

    Dear Phyllis, My heart breaks for you as you suffer through the side affects. Are you on IP and IV treatments?

    I understand the pain that comes from the chemo and the wondering. You are not a quitter, each person has to do what is right for them. See if the postponement of the treatment helps. Maybe if you gain a little more strength you will feel differently.

    The other woman have shared lots of wisdom that comes from walking a similar road. Depression is not uncommon, sometimes it comes in waves from the premeds we get, sometimes from all life has dealt to us. Come here often, share your feelings, frustrations and victories. You will find lots of support, strength and encouragement.

    Hugs N Prayers Bonnie

    Thank you everyone for your kind words. I know I must sound aweful carrying on with what they called a stage one a or b. I know all of you are going through thye same hell right now and have dealt with a lot more then me.
    When I had my hysterectomy they found an ovarian cyst that had ruptured. Otherwise it would have been stage one. As far as i know the doctor removed everything but then there is never any guarantee on that. Thus the first oncologist I saw said we do 6 rounds of chemo. At the time I was recovering from my surgery out of town at my moms. After seeing this specialist I went back home to south Carolina where I live. i found a new oncologist and we started my chemotherapy. At first everything was ok. The normal tired and things like hairloss happened. Still I was ok andmoving forward.By the second round my intestinal tract started to suffer but I finished my third round. By now my insides were totally destroyed. I've tried the different stool softeners and laxatives which I am extra sensitive to. I 'm up most nights looking at the clock every hour or so. I have such cramps and pain in my intestine and pelvic region that at times it is unbarable. Thus the tears and depression.Some days like this morning i just cry and cry for hours. I get over it but just can't help myself.
    I've talked to my doctor and told him how terrible i feel and he has postponed my treatment twice now. But he doesn't want to give me pain medicine since it will constipate me.
  • floridajo
    floridajo Member Posts: 480
    #8
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    Fainia,
    I know that at times it seems like you will never make it through it,but you will. I agree with all the ladies,please call your Dr. and tell him how you feel and the pain involved as well. You have a great prognosis, and have every reason to believe that you will not only survive this chemo but will survive this disease as well. (((hugz)))..Joanne
  • collins
    collins Member Posts: 69
    #9
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    I have had tummy and colon problems all my life and when I did IP chemo I thought I would die from constipation. I tried all kinds of stool softeners, laxitives, etc. (I found Milk of Magnesia worked best). I also had lots of nausia for which they gave me regalun. I had six rounds of chemo and from the fourth chemo round on things got better not worse. I can assure you that once you finish chemo your digestive system will go back to normal. Hang in there!!! I know its tough while you are going through it, but things will get better. Sending hugs and lots of care your way.

    eleen
  • fainia
    fainia Member Posts: 9
    #10
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    collins said:

    I have had tummy and colon problems all my life and when I did IP chemo I thought I would die from constipation. I tried all kinds of stool softeners, laxitives, etc. (I found Milk of Magnesia worked best). I also had lots of nausia for which they gave me regalun. I had six rounds of chemo and from the fourth chemo round on things got better not worse. I can assure you that once you finish chemo your digestive system will go back to normal. Hang in there!!! I know its tough while you are going through it, but things will get better. Sending hugs and lots of care your way.

    eleen

    Just talked to my original oncologist and he wants me to have a battery of tests. So after a total check up maybe they will find out why i'm having so much pain and discomfort. then i can finish my chemo. Seems i'll have to go back to baltimore to get the medical care i need.
  • kris43
    kris43 Member Posts: 275
    #11
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    fainia said:

    Just talked to my original oncologist and he wants me to have a battery of tests. So after a total check up maybe they will find out why i'm having so much pain and discomfort. then i can finish my chemo. Seems i'll have to go back to baltimore to get the medical care i need.

    Phyllis - I couldn't remember if you had IV/IP treatments either, but after my first IV/IP treatment I had the same exact side effects - 14 days worth at a time and I told people over and over if it's always going to be like this I couldn't not handle it. I felt as if I wanted to die. With my next treatment they started me on Lasix and what a change - it helps get rid of that extra fluid that accompanies the IP treatments. However, that time around I did suffer from severe nausea and found myself in the ER one day at 4:00 am. The nurses told me that my x-rays came back showing I needed to empty my bowels even further and keep taking the nausea medicine around the clock if need be. I also took some kind of citrate magnesium, milk of mag and colace to get me going and finally it worked.

    Regarding pain - they first had me on percocet and it did nothing for me. Next they tried my on Oxycodone LR and that worked.

    Also, if you are doing the IV/IP treatments almost NO ONE can get all 6 treatments that way - they are brutal on your system. My doctor told me that over and over again.

    My heart goes out to you because I can still remember the pain so vividly and would not wish that on my worst enemy. Please keep us updated and I will say some prayers for you this weekend. Kris
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #12
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    fainia said:

    Thank you everyone for your kind words. I know I must sound aweful carrying on with what they called a stage one a or b. I know all of you are going through thye same hell right now and have dealt with a lot more then me.
    When I had my hysterectomy they found an ovarian cyst that had ruptured. Otherwise it would have been stage one. As far as i know the doctor removed everything but then there is never any guarantee on that. Thus the first oncologist I saw said we do 6 rounds of chemo. At the time I was recovering from my surgery out of town at my moms. After seeing this specialist I went back home to south Carolina where I live. i found a new oncologist and we started my chemotherapy. At first everything was ok. The normal tired and things like hairloss happened. Still I was ok andmoving forward.By the second round my intestinal tract started to suffer but I finished my third round. By now my insides were totally destroyed. I've tried the different stool softeners and laxatives which I am extra sensitive to. I 'm up most nights looking at the clock every hour or so. I have such cramps and pain in my intestine and pelvic region that at times it is unbarable. Thus the tears and depression.Some days like this morning i just cry and cry for hours. I get over it but just can't help myself.
    I've talked to my doctor and told him how terrible i feel and he has postponed my treatment twice now. But he doesn't want to give me pain medicine since it will constipate me.

    Fainia:
    Definitely try to keep on top of the constipation problem. This issue has come up several times in the last couple of weeks with other ladies, so please know that this is a very common side effect of all the drugs, including chemo. My doctor had me take the Senna-S everynight, without fail. To try to take it once you have a problem is like trying to chase it. It's much more difficult. The laxative/stool softener, whichever one works for you, should be used all through chemo. There's always a chance for an intestinal blockage, and you don't want that. So, try to keep up the liquids.
    I will pray for a relief from the pain. I know it well. There were many nights I would lie on the bathroom floor in pain, just waiting to 'go'. And I can remember it was like Heaven when I had some relief.
    Sending hugs and prayers your way!
    Monika
  • SueB11
    SueB11 Member Posts: 3
    #13
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    I felt that way too. I had one 6 rounds of chemo- 3 treatments per round. The 2nd day was 8 hours. After the 1st one I can remember thinking - how will I EVER get through 5 more of these? I was so sick and I wasn't even recovered from my surgery yet. I started chemo less than 4 weeks after surgery. Constipation was an on-going issue. 5 months of it... feeling weak... I don't know what else to say except when it's over you start to feel better quickly.

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