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Tips for being sad? Anyone?

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

I was wondering if anyone had some sure-fire tips on how to get past the feelings of sadness, and the sense of frustration from having your life sidetracked? Sure would be much appreciated...only one I came up with is dancing...lol

Hugs, Kathi

katienavs's picture
katienavs
Posts: 88
Joined: Nov 2006

Hi Kathi,
I started back at work about a month ago and spent the first two weeks crying almost every day. It wasn't the job that was making me cry but the realization that my life is so different now and I am not the same person. I was sad and angry and frustrated.
I started going to a support group and I absolutely love it. There is so much hope and positive thinking on the part of survivors still going through treatment and those out of treatment. It makes me realize that it is normal and ok to be sad but at the same time to be happy I am here on this earth with so many other brave and amazing people. It inspires me to be happy.
I don't know if this counts as a sure-fire tip on how to get past being sad but I think I feel a lot better than I did several weeks ago. And I actually think all of the uncontrollable crying helped also. I sobbed to my mom, my friends, my oncologist, and the support group. I may have ran out of tears :)

spok5
Posts: 18
Joined: Nov 2005

Kathi- I am not sure that there are any "sure fire" ways to beat sadness, however, there is much a person can do to find relief along the way. When I was dx with stage 3 & 8/13 lymph nodes I was pretty low. Those I knew that had survived cancer kept telling me to FIGHT the beast, but I didn't know how to fight. Now I realize that fighting means never giving up and finding a way to stay as positive as possible. Here are some of the ways I found helpful:
1. I decided to have a positive mental attitude as much as possible- My way of looking at the "sidetracked" idea was that WOW now I will have the time to do a few things I never gave myself permission to do. The dancing idea is great- I did that also, I have 3 teenagers, so I bought a Hip Hop dancing How-to DVD and decided I would learn to hip hop and surprise them.
2. Cry and have a pity party every once in awhile. I would allow myself 12 1/2 minutes. Then dry the tears and get on with life.
3. Plan to do something for yourself every week- something to look forward to like- a pedicure, a piece of lucious cheesecake (a temptation I rarely enjoy, lunch with a friend, etc.
4. I started a Happy Box- everytime I found something that makes me smile or happy I added it to the box for when I was sad- a beautiful, picture, comedy DVD or book, big bubble wrap (I love to pop it-leftover joy from childhood,Dove chocolate,etc.
5. I bought a small binder and saved all my get-well and love notes from people. When I had a hard day I would sit and read and be reminded of how lucky I was to have such caring people in my life.
6. I bought fun stationery and cards and every week I wrote and sent out anonomously about 5 cards to people in my life. The cards had fun or inspiring quotes and stories. I found happiness as I searched for things to make other people happy.
7. I began a cancer journal- often it was a life saver because I felt like I was alone and no one could possibly know what it is like to have cancer.
8. Prayer, Prayer,Prayer!!! Being a religious/spiritual person I believe that God knows exactly what we are facing and will bless us with the blessings that we need to endure or return.
Sorry this is so long, but I found that my way to fight the beast was to NEVER LET HIM KNOW HE WAS WINNING- in fact, NEVER LET HIM KNOW HE HAD A CHANCE.
Good Luck

claud1951's picture
claud1951
Posts: 429
Joined: Jun 2007

Hi Kathi,

I'm sorry you are feeling down. I'm a real big one on energy.

You know it take more energy in being sad than it does to look ahead to the bright future.? Um hum .That's right.

Use you energy for the future and don't mourn cancer. Yes, we are different but that's pretty cool, too, don't you think? And you beat it! that's even better!

Sometimes the change in seasons makes a person change moods. I love Fall but sometimes it can make me moody (only on occasion). I can't spell the word meloncoly (that's what I really want to say but not spelled right!

You just keep thinking you beat the beast and keep your head up and energy toward the future.

You hear me, girl???>>>grin>>>

Hugs to you
Claudia

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1729
Joined: Nov 2001

Hi Kathi,
I have a theory about my life. I think I slipped through a hole in the net. I am convinced I was suposed to die of cancer ten years ago. I am equally convinced that life has been trying to get square ever since. Tough luck life Ronny50 is ALIVE. One day at a time Kathi,one day at a time. Live on , live strong.(((((((((((kathi)))))))))) Ron.

apache4's picture
apache4
Posts: 272
Joined: Jul 2007

The sadness is real and can be difficult. I never wanted to break down in front of people, including my adult children, so I ended up crying almost every morning when I saw the big, beautiful face of my youngest Newfoundland dog. There was 130 lbs. of love and caring in his eyes and I just got so sad that I might have to leave him....I also cried thinking about missing my grandchildren grow up, etc. Crying takes up too much energy...for me, it was focusing on staying as normal as possible. I even got to where I would go places with that damn pump attached. I developed a "to hell with it" attitude. See my post today, prayers and attitude pulled me through this past year...when I break my board at my next Taekwondo test, I will imagine that it is the beast!

rmap59
Posts: 266
Joined: Jun 2007

Dear KathiM,
Boy thats a tough question. 2006 and 2007 have been the saddest periods of my life because of deaths in my family, my son on drugs, and the dx of cancer. I have been really sad a lot but just a few posts ago a person from this site told me to get up each day and think of what I do have to be grateful for. That works for me! Prayers, Robin

alta29's picture
alta29
Posts: 435
Joined: Mar 2005

so sorry that u r having one of "those" days....want some jokes ? ( pink,red,reeeaalllyyy RED you name them ) Go to stupid videos and watch some pranks ( nothing else but those ! or tv bloopers...there's a show called Just for laughs..is very good or outrageous moments...I record those in my DVR and watch them when I am :(((( they help....if not call my husband ! he will tell you that everything is going to be ok...and he will make you believe it...God bless, BELIEVE

Hanac
Posts: 55
Joined: May 2007

Hi KathiM,

It is OK to be sad...Just don't let the sadness overwhelm you. Here is a happy thought...there are so many people on this board who are grateful to you for your humour, love, and support. You make us laugh and forget our sadness. You give us hope. You bring happiness to all of us. Keep up the good work!

HUGS

Hana

usakat's picture
usakat
Posts: 625
Joined: Jul 2006

Hi Kathi,

I have two words...
Young Frankenstein

Check it out...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgJZAWQGFfE&mode=related&search=

Anyway Kathi, I could go on and on about this subject because I truly believe that a person's perception and attitude makes a huge difference in not just surviving cancer, but how they move through everyday life.

Aeschylus wrote, "Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times."

I love that quote. It let's me know that I have the power and the choice to laugh or cry, and what I've learned through a life of ups and downs is that laughter is much more useful and feels a heck of a lot better than tears.

And I know from my own hardships, that laughter through tears is one of the most cleansing experiences one can have.

Smile and the world smiles with you.

Love to you and yours, Kathi...

Katie

suzannchili's picture
suzannchili
Posts: 135
Joined: Mar 2003

Um... I'd find a local Coyote Ugly bar and dance! But, hmm, been there, done that.

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

Of course it is very individual. But some things that have worked for me:
1. walking/exercise
2. spending time with other people (not too much alone time!)
3. counselling/therapy
4. a dog
5. regular 'reciting' (usually but not always in my head!) of the things I am grateful for.

I agree with others that some saddness is normal and OK. But I hope you find some ways of reducing and managing that....

Tara

jerseysue's picture
jerseysue
Posts: 626
Joined: Oct 2005

Give yourself a few minutes but nothing longer then that to feel sad. After the pity party try something new. Try on a dress that you would never wear out in public don't forget the 6 inch heals to make it look really special!

Limey's picture
Limey
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

jerseysue ummm i treid that dress thing and although it did make me feel "special" It just dind't quite fit right.
Kathi. If you have run out of those personal clothing peices you seem to give away (nothing more said. no lips are sealed) then I always find two things help me.
1. reach out and help someone. it will always lift you up. just like you did for me 2 days ago

2. forget you have a journey for right now and just go be you in spite of the bumps and bruises.
Hugs back to you today.
Mark

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Kathy,

I know your last few years have really been challenging both physically and emotionally. Returning from the Palooza, where so much laughter and bonding occured, brings us back to reality and all of life's demands. Take time for yourself. I canceled my classes today because I physically felt tired and decided not to push myself. That is so out of character for me. I am learning to put "taking care of myself" a little higher on my "to do" list.

Also, I have a little saying...."feel it and let it go!" I used to tell my school children this when they would get upset about something and dwell on it too long. I have to tell myself to practice this when I get frustrated with the day to day struggles of being the sole caretaker of my elderly mother! SIGH!

Pat yourself on the back for all that your accomplish each day and know that you are doing your best. Give yourself the praise that you give others.

Hugs,

Kay

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Marvel at the fact that you've accomplished things that you thought you never could or would.

Crank up the music , take a ride in the country , and sing along, in any key .

Watch a comedy movie or tv show and really laugh.

Make someone else feel better. It will comeback ten fold to you.

Talk to God. Listen carefully for His Answer.

Hugs and God Bless.
Diane

p.s. Kathi (do not , under any circumstances, buy a puppy, unless it is well trained, housebroken, and no bigger than a bunny rabbit. Take it from one who knows ! LOL Hugs . Keep the faith.

Diane

livefreeordie
Posts: 45
Joined: Jul 2007

You guys are the best!
Great tips, they helped me get past the blues
today too.
Thanks!!

3cbrca
Posts: 208
Joined: May 2007

I've had a great friend who has sent me hysterical off the wall (and sometimes in poor taste) cards every week for this last year of chemo, Rt and surgery. Now that I am feeling better finding a good card store and finding the perfect funny cards that I can send to others brings lost of laughs and joy when I get to brighten up someone else's day.
They may not have cancer but everybody needs a good laugh and it makes me feel good to give back all that I've received this year. Hope this helps. Some days I just sit and feel sad until it gets too boring, but it's allowed! we all do it.

vinny3's picture
vinny3
Posts: 933
Joined: Jun 2006

Dear Kathi,

I'm not sure our lives get sidetracked. I don't think there is necessarily a straight path. Sometimes those trips off the path help us find out something else in life to appreciate that we otherwise might have missed. Everyone will have those- whether it is cancer, job loss, loss of a loved one or something else. We keep on pushing forward to try to figure out why we are here.

We wll try to lift you up by reflecting back all the happiness and good thoughts you have sent to us in your answers. I always look forward to your comments. Where you are the sun will always shine- sometimes it just might be on the other side of the clouds.

Dick

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