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dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

HI, I sometimes think I have a handle on all of this and then it turns around and bites me in the butt. I am stage 3 colon cancer, had surgery, just finished 2 of the 12 rounds of chemo I have to do, plus 6 weeks of radiation. My family is wonderful, but they are saying they see such a difference in me since I have started the chemo. Not sure I see what they see. I dont talk much, however I do try because I know its important to get things out. I guess I have always been if it cant be fixed through conversation then I dont talk. I know not a great way to go about things. I just feel like crap, have been since the last chemo. I think I am getting those mouth sores, the top of my mouth feels like its been burnt. It doesnt really hurt just bugs me.
I so dont want to put my family through the pain I feel inside, but guess I am not hiding it very well either. I just want to feel better, live and try to figure out how to get through all of this. I am supposed to be the ROCK! Its a horrible nightmare watching yourself fall apart. Well guess I am venting, thanks to all who are out there that listen.

crazylady
Posts: 544
Joined: Jun 2004

I'm so sorry that you are feeling down! I believe that it's a normal reaction to not feeling well physically and the emotional turmoil that cancer brings. I know I have been there myself many times.
It has helped me to see a therapist, someone objective to talk to. I have also been on antidepressants at times. It also helps to plan things that are fun to do after chemo or to buy something you want, like a reward for getting through another cycle, something to look forward to. Anything that distracts me and takes my mind off of cancer and chemo also helps, spending time with family and friends, reading, craft projects etc
Please know that you are not alone and feel free to come here and vent anytime. I hope the above suggestions are helpful.
Take care,
Jamie

apache4's picture
apache4
Posts: 272
Joined: Jul 2007

I think that I can relate somewhat to how you feel. I have always been "superwoman" and prided myself in doing "whatever it takes" to get through situations and challenges. With this cancer thing, Stage IV colon with numerous liver mets, I haave found it too stressful to try and hide feelings. I hate to worry my family, but we have to deal with reality also. I think that it is better to deal with it on a day to day basis. After 15 rounds of chemo I am getting a break and do not know what is planned for future treatments, yet. Sure,we are different from before the diagnosis! It is like any other life-changing event and no one is expected to be the same. Different from before is not necessarialy a "bad" thing. You will be stronger for having this experience...there are some positives. Chemo is rough and I have found that others just "don't get it". Well, I remember not "getting it" before I got it, too! I got those mouth sores and they do clear up in about a week. So, hang in there. Let others be the ROCK for you...it will make them feel better knowing that they are helping. Hope this helps.

goldfinch's picture
goldfinch
Posts: 737
Joined: Oct 2003

Thinking of you during this difficult time. You are early in the journey. You may still be trying to figure out how to deal with this. GIve yourself time.
Remember this is NOT a death sentence. This is treatable.
Mary

rmap59
Posts: 266
Joined: Jun 2007

Hey dorookie,
I know exactly how you feel. I am stage 3 rectal and just had 21 treatments with radiation and chemo, had to quit because of severe abdominal cramps and dehydration. Its hard to wake up every morning and feel like crap. I have to decide if I should continue with treatment or not. My saving grace is my lord Jesus Christ, without him I would already be dead or insane. I will pray for you and we will get through this!!

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Thank you and I will pray that you find the answers to make your decision and for your speedy recovery. And you are right, it is in the Lord's hands.

Faith4Cure
Posts: 405
Joined: Mar 2007

You will get through this and you will feel better. There are better days ahead. I am sorry for what you are going through. I can't say that I know how you feel as I am the caregiver in our situation. But I can tell you that as the caregiver I want to be the rock(although sometimes I think it may be the other way around!) Don't feel like you have to keep all of your hurt and pain to yourself. Sometimes I feel helpless. If my husband talks to me and tells me how he is feeling or how he is hurting it helps both of us get through this. I can do my part to help him if he tells me how he is feeling. I want him to vent to me. I want to be there for him. I am sure your family is the same way. Let them be your rock. don't hold it in. I am sure they want to help you, please let them.

It will get better!!! You have my prayers for strength and healing!

Faith

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Hi, I am a caregiver for my husband-diagnosed Stage IV-10/04....remember, you are strong fighting your disease and going on with life--never apologize for what you need to accomplish that!! I wanted to mention though some thoughts when you said about your mouth sores..With everything else-the last thing you need is mouth issues...I am a dental hygienist and have had my husband on Prevident 5000 Booster - a Colgate prescription strength fluoride tootpaste and all the Biotene products for dry mouth. There is a mouthwash and saliva substitute and gum (and toothpast-but he uses the prevident all the time).....all the products I have mentioned are proactive to prevent mouth ulcers or sores or decay--they have worked for almost 3 years for my husband while he has been on chemo. If you have other questions-let me know. Good luck to you! You are in my prayers.
Dash

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1729
Joined: Nov 2001

HI Rookie,
I don't know much about anything ,all I can do is tell you what helped me and see if you can use any of it. I had st 3 with 6 nodes involved and very aggressive. I had surgery and chemo every Tuesday for almost a year.
The first thing I came to terms with was that I was taking cancer too personally. It is just an illness it was not some dark demon out to get me. Once I accepted that I realised that like any illness particularly long term ones I would need my family and friends to help get me through. That included some great friends I made thru chemo.
I really talked to my doctors and became friends with them. They did not sugar coat anything and my surgeon always thought that the cancer would finally get me, it was his professional oppinion, so I respected him but did not agree with him. The thing that I got from my docs ,apart from expert medical help,was the certainty that I would feel like crap for the best part of a year. One likened it to training for a world championship,no pain ,no gain.
My onc helped me with little things during chemo. Like having an ice pack over my eyes and sucking on fruit flavoured ice blocks to slow the flow of blood to my eyes and mouth.
The chemo nurses helped me with mouth ulcers. One old timer suggested I not send my self broke with expensive mouth washes . She suggested I mix a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of sodium-bicarbonate in a glass of warm water and use as often as I liked as a mouthwash. It worked for me. She also suggested Buscopan (an over the counter irb medicine) to control the frequency of my loo trips, again it worked.
I hope some of the suggestions help ,with a large helping of luck,they got me through and Jan 22 2008 will be my tenth anniversary ca free.
Best wishes for a long and ca free life,Ron.

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