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Mary from WI's mom...

Posts: 71
Joined: Mar 2006

Hello Online Family,

I hope each and every one of you are safe, happy, and well today and always! ; )

Also, I'm SO sorry I don't post as often as the rest of you do; I feel a bit guilty for that, too! I don't want it to seem like every time I have a particular situation that I just cannot deal with alone I come to all of you, ya know?

Anyway, here's the most recent update on my mom:
- has been on Xeloda pills (since last folfox and
foxfiri didn't work) for 3 months. And the last
CT scan showed no improvement and continued
cancer growth in the abdomen area (I have a call
into her medical oncologist to hear what exactly
"growth" really means).
- just finished 3 weeks of radiation on her lower
brain for new tumor growths. They will do a
follow-up MRI in the next couple of weeks.
- med. oncol. discontinued the Xeloda; and she
will start pretnezone (sp?) next week as well.

So, I went and visited my mom for the whole entire weekend and saw her looking "as a cancer patient" for the first time since this all started 1/06. My mom has now hair and her face is all puffed up. I couldn't help put cry in front of her (which is something I've never done this this whole thing started). When I calmed down she looked at me and said that she's left this in God's hands ever since this all started; and that's what I have to continually remember.

OMG... what an amazing woman she is, you guys! Also, I am her oldest and only daughter who is expecting a baby in Feb. '08. I was married in '04 and am now having this feeling of guilt like:
- why didn't I get pregnant right away so she
would now have a grandchild to enjoy?
- will she now even be around to see this child
in Feb.?

See everyone - I'M CRAZY AREN'T I? ha! ha! Well, at least I still have my sense of humor, huh? ; )

So, what am I asking of you all here? I guess really nothing... I just needed to vent because I feel SO helpless (as I have from the start of all of this). I see this wonderful and inspirational woman sitting in front of me this past weekend who has done only good in her life and now has to battle this terrible, terrible disease and...


Anyway everyone, thanks for letting me vent here; as I guess that's just what I was really looking to do so...

My thoughts and prayers are with and about all of you always and forever!

Sincerely & Love,
Mary from WI

vinny3's picture
Posts: 933
Joined: Jun 2006

Hi Mary,

Your mother is indeed a remarkable woman. You (and the rest of us) can take great inspiration from her. Is there any possibility of getting another opinion or doing one of the trials? You may want to check with one of the major cancer centers to see. We will pray for some reversal of her disease and her ability to play with her new grandchild (when she/he comes).


kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hiya Mary...you know, quite often I apologised for not being here often enough and I got told never to do that...aw...I still do...sorry guys. Our friends here know that we also have lives and families to run. You obviously spend a great deal of time with your mum and I am sure that as a priority your mum comes before cyberworld. So DON'T apologise. Struth gal...I'm habitually going awol....I don't see anyone complaining 'ol Kanga is off air. Stop feeling guilty and come here when you are able.
You cried in your mum's presence because of your deepest love for her...and she knows that...there is no shame Mary. I have been where you are. My mum passed in 02 from brain cancer...but for her it was dx'd much too late and there was very little that could be done. Your mum has available even better advanced medical treatment now than back in 02. No...you are not crazy. Watching a loved one suffer, as most of us have, is so heartbreaking and we have no control of events. But what we do have is the ability to offer love support. You can do no more Mary. I have always said that family and carers have the tougher journey. Your mum knows that and she is mindfull of the heartache it brings to you. That is what makes her so strong and special. Thru all this YOU give her the strength to battle on....the strength comes from you....your love for her!
Our very best to you all, Ross and Jen

Limey's picture
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

Mary from WI, passing you many comforting thoughts from your friend in Minnesota. Your mom is smarter than we thought. She is truely an Angel in disguise. You may be one also.
Enjoy your time with Mom - to hell with the housework. Go see her as often as you can

Anonymous user (not verified)

I know the pain and the frustration you are feeling all to well. I lost my own dear, sweet, mom to lung cancer September 2005. She was just 70 years old and I too am her only daughter. I felt guilty because I didn't know who to look after more...her or my husband, who was diagnosed with colon cancer a year after mom's diagnosis. My final words to my mother were that I was so very, very proud to be her daughter, and that told my mom everything and expressed my feelings for her totally. We clung to the fact that we had and always will be mother and daughter and nothing, nothing could ever change that. It's all right to cry, even in front of your mother. It only reinforces how much you care and how much you hate this disease and it allows her to be your mom and do what mother's do best, give comfort. Be with your mom as much as you can...think of happy things when you are together, no matter how tough it is and I know it can be tough, and enjoy every second of every minute of every hour that is given to you. Those memories will last the rest of your life. God Bless. Monika

jerseysue's picture
Posts: 626
Joined: Oct 2005

Hugs and best wishes coming your way.

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