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too much crap too deal with

levensweg
Posts: 55
Joined: Jul 2006

I hope you guys don't mind but I just really need an outlet right now to vent. I've been keeping too much to myself. I went in for my scan this week. Results will follow this Monday. I noticed yesterday that I have a swollen lymph node in my groin on one side.This really freaks me out. My cea was fine six weeks ago.I'm stage 4 NED DX'ed 1/21/05 by the way, so I'm always a little twitchy with any symptoms.

In addition to this, my wife got a DWI last month.Things have been slowly building up to this moment. She's depressed and quite busy feeling sorry for herself, although she is improving.Still, lot's of MTV reality shows on the couch. Yuck.

I feel quite alone, and broke (DWI's are expensive).My energy has been low the past few months. I can't tell if it's from stress. I'm beside myself right now. This is just too much crap for me to deal with right now. It's amazing that one little lymph node can so completely destroy me.

Thanks for letting me vent,

Lev

Limey's picture
Limey
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

Lev, Hang in there buddy. I had my crap day about two weeks ago and someone told me that life throws us crap from time to time. and.. itis true cancer or not. When we are waiting for scans or noticing a change in our bodies, it becomes extreemly difficult. I am waiting on a scan and having back and colon pains so I am going through the same, trying not to freak out stage. The role of a caregiver is a difficult one. Mine has gone from supportive to non existent and as of just today starting to come around a bit. I started asking the question how are you doing last night and found out well, not so well either. cancer tries to get more than just the patient. Hoping your results bring you some reliev and the lump is just that. a lump and it will go away.
stay positive. you have been kicking it since 05 - and you will keep on kicking it.
Limey

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

I'm sorry your dealing with a lot right now. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Venting can be a great release and everyone needs to know that they are not alone. Your right about stress possibly lowering your energy level. So can depression. It's normal to be anxious when any kind of "symptom" appears , but try not to jump to conclusions, before you have any results. Limey's right , this is not easy for caregivers either. I am one and it can be exhausting, but your wife needs to allow herself to "vent" in a more constructive way . She's putting herself and others in danger and adding to your stress level. Good luck and God Bless. Your not alone. Come often for support.

Diane

taraHK
Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

I had a swollen lymph node in my groin. My doc thought it was nothing but it was freaking me out -- so the doc removed it. She was right -- it was nothing. Here's hoping yours is the same!

I am sorry things are not so well at the moment. At the risk of stating the obvious -- can you and/or your wife see a counsellor/therapist or other helping professional (I realize that might cost $). I saw a therapist for a while and found it very useful -- it was so useful to find out that some of what I was going through was normal/expected. It helped.

Meanwhile -- we are here for you. I think of this community as holding the safety net for me, while I struggle across the tightrope.

levensweg
Posts: 55
Joined: Jul 2006

Thanks you guys, for all your support, advice and empathy. It really means a lot me. I feel lucky to have you here in this community.

I think counseling is a very good idea. I've stubbornly resisted the idea because I get tired of seeing so many specialists with acronyms behind their name. Plus I'm always the one who has to take incentive..I'll have to just get over all that I think. Thanks too for sharing the lymph node story. It takes the edge off my anxiety right now.

-lev

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