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Latest Update!!!

dsmegnky
Posts: 33
Joined: Apr 2007

Hi,
Here is the latest updated:
I talked to both of my parents and I am very upset. My dad told my mother today that he thinks he is going to cancel his appointment with the new Dr. I was really talking to my mom on the phone and she told me that was what dad had told her today, so she told me which intern upset me. Then I told my mom how I felt about it, so she got my dad on the phone and we talk for a breif time. He didn't want to talk to me about it at all, I think because he was upset with my mom that she told me about it. I asked him what his reasoning was and he said INSURANCE and I said you have to be kidding. He said he thought his co-pay would change and it would be higher in cost, plus he will have his bill all at one place. The place he is going to now also cuts the bill down and lets him make payments (so he says). This really caught me off gaurd, because I thought we were on the same page. He also said that Rocky Mountain (new Dr. office) is supposed to take over his old Dr. office place with fill in Dr's. (that is what I think) so he won't see the same one all the time. He is very worried about getting his bill paid for and I told him it won't be paid in one year and it won't be paid in 15 years so don't worry about it. Just worry about getting the right help and care that he needs. If that is all he is worried about is money, then he will never get what he needs. He said that if something were to happen to him, that he didn't want to leave a large bill for us to pay. Taking care of a bill has never crossed my mind, I figured you get the care you need first and go from there. I would do what I would have to do if that time came. I am just feeling very let down right now, I have been doing a lot of research and talking on the CSN to all of you wonderful people. Now I feel it was all for nothing. I was crying when I got off the phone and had a very upset tummy and I had been feeling better about things since he decided to go. Now I guess we are back to square one!!!

Plus, he just had another CAT scan, because the Old Dr. said that the one he just had wan't clear enough, too blurry. They just now are deciding to have another done. Why did they decide to tell him now and not when he had his Dr. Appointment for the original results. I am not just waiting to see what he is going to do now, we haven't even talked about it.

Dana

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Aw, Dana....I am sending warm, loving hugs to you. Sounds like Dad has hit a bump in the road, and is taking a little time to have a 'pity party'. These can actually be quite cleansing, if not allowed to go on too long. He is feeling like everything is going sideways, and his world is out of control.
As far as what he chooses to do about the new doc, you did everything you could...don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out...is there a way you can think of to turn it around so it looks as if it is HIS idea? Again, could be he is feeling like he has no control (which we all feel many, many times during this battle...sigh).

As far as the bills, well, I know that in the case of my ex-hubby, who died in December, none of us are responsible for any of his debt. The only person I think could carry some would be your mom...but, again, I'm not sure this is the issue right now...he is just weary....

Don't feel upset at him that he is seemingly rejecting all your hard work...he isn't he is just battling his whole messy world right now...I remember doing it myself!

Hugs to a REAL angel!
Kathi

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Hi, I agree with Kathi. I think it's more than the "money"issue. I don't think you mom could even be held responsible for bills unless she were to sign something, but you can always check with a lawyer or financial counselor. I think it may be that your Dad has become familiar with the onc and feels "comfortable" with current treatment and it's scary to start someplace new . Find out what you can about the financial aspect of it and present that info to your dad. You'll know then if that's thats the real reason for his hesitancy. Good luck and God Bless

Diane

vinny3's picture
vinny3
Posts: 933
Joined: Jun 2006

The others are right. It is probably the thought of changing rather than the money that is the real issue for your dad. While the money may be a concern it is unlikely to be much different than what he has had to pay before. I would think if you talk to the new doctor that he would be willing to make some arrangements like the old one. If your dad is having another scan because the previous one is "too blurry" than there really shouldn't be an extra charge for it.

Ultimately, it is your dad's decision. All you can do is let him know that you love him and want him to do the treatment because you love him and want him around.

Dick

ahamilton2
Posts: 32
Joined: Dec 2006

Dear Dana:
Iàm here in Italy and got on the internet and saw your post. I am so terribly sorry for what you and your Dad are feeling right now.

But since he changed his mind once, he could always change it again. There is alway hope.ù
I sent an email message to your inbox here on the site. I hope you get it.

You did some great work & research for your Dad. I know he must know how much you love him.
Thinking of you,
Aileen

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