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just needed to dump this off my chest

Limey's picture
Limey
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi all. just wanted to get this off my chest. I am having a crappy crappy day. I am sick and tired of chemo, fed up with tip toeing aroung issues at home and frustrated as hell with my partner an the total lack of concern and support. It feels like I may be single after 19 years if this keeps up. I know we drive our own destiny bus, and mine is almost always going to a sunny place but today it just feels like crap and it is not worth smiling.
tomorrow will be betterr.
Limey.

2bhealed's picture
2bhealed
Posts: 2085
Joined: Dec 2001

Hi Mark,

I feel for you friend. And your feelings are completely understandable though I hope you and your partner can work it out. This is rough waters time.

Crappy days come with the cancer territory.

Though I don't know what the chemo life is like, I surely know the family life and I know that feeling of frustration with the lack of support and concern. Oh yeah.

If you wanna talk you have my personal email.

Venting welcome.

sending a hug to my Minnesota neighbor. (((((((limey))))))))

peace, emily

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Hi Limey, sorry your going through a rough patch. Having a downer myself. I guess God figures you cant really appreciate the "ups" unless you get the "downs" sometimes. Hope things will look up soon for you. Your right, tomorrow will be better , keep the faith and it's good to vent once in a while . God Bless

Diane

mjay2
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2007

Hi Limey-
Alot of crappity crap comes with cancer. Heck a lot of crappity crap comes with life. And somedays are harder to get through than others. For all of us.

It's ok to be angry for a bit. You will come back swinging.

Yes. Tomorrow will be better.

MJay2

hoagiemom's picture
hoagiemom
Posts: 87
Joined: Feb 2007

Hi Limey, I know how you feel 4 treatments down and it is harder then I thought. My spouse is in denial so it is really hard to let him know that yes I'm really sick. I had a good week this week and spring has finally sprung so it has to get better. I think we are entitled to crappy days once in a while and this website helps me feel like I'm not alone. Keep venting it helps.

Michelle

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

OH, dearheart, I am sending big hugs. I, too, have not had a good day...tumor markers are raised (just a little, thank God!) for the first time...sigh...CT scan and MRI for me....

It's ok to curse this disease...and have a pity party now and again...NOT ONE of us is a saint (I have my own set of pity party supplies always ready!!!lol).

Cancer is a true terrorist. Even after it is 'gone' it's presents have left a permanent mark. I am sorry you are having a rough day...
MY bus today is headed straight for a cliff!!!

Hugs, Kathi

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Kathi, special prayers that all is clear. When is the ct and mri ? Keep us posted.

Hugs, Diane

CAMaura
Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

Hey - so sorry you are having a cruddy day. Chemo suck - plain and simple. I can't even hope to give you advice...so I will just say that I hope tomorrow is better. The good thing is that you are feeling what you are feeling and talking about it...good or bad.
I hope we hear from you again soon.
Take care - Maura

donahue65775
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2007

Cancer is a lonely scarey thing to go through. Chemo is tough even with support and without it, well almost unbearable. HANG IN THERE.... you are not alone infact you are very much among friends here.

Cancer can scare people that don't have it to. Keep venting we are here to help, shout at the world if you want to.

Your treatments will help you fight the cancer keep your mind on getting better.

My prayers go out to you <:>)

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1250
Joined: Mar 2003

CHIN UP, LITTLE NIPPER!!!

Today IS a new day!!! Life can totally suck, but death can totally suck worse! We can't all be cheery and annoying like yours truly, but we can remember how far we have come and how blessed we are. We can remember what it was like when we were diagnosed and how those words stung....but we can also remember how lucky we feel that there are options available. Take a look at your kids....they're counting on you to pull it all together and get through this.

Keep your eyes set on Nashville....THAT WILL BE THE SUPPORT YOU NEED!!!

Now, go have a nice stiff drink....who the hell cares that it's morning! lol

Hugs,

Stacy

Limey's picture
Limey
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

Thank you all for your support. Today is a bit beter and my attitue is brighter from your support. Soemtimes the silence is so LOUD. I will try and focus on the gifts of my kids and my life today. Mark

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

Hi Mark!!!!!!

Did you get your happy in the mail????? Did it do any good for your neuropathy????

Cyberhugs for now but only 4 months til I get to give you one in person.

Lisa P.

Limey's picture
Limey
Posts: 447
Joined: Mar 2004

I did get the oil. man is that stuff slippery, I almost did the splits on the wood floor. so far no miriacle but i can say this, by now in chemo i am having some severe throbbing in my feet and it is only at the end of my toes, so i will keep it up 2x day for a while, i expect it will do some to allot of good. thanks for your help.

jerseysue's picture
jerseysue
Posts: 626
Joined: Oct 2005

I really hope today is different and something or someone makes you laugh out loud!

fedester
Posts: 757
Joined: Jul 2004

Limey,
Hang in there, I too have crappy days and feel all alone. I finished chemo 3 years ago. I am going on 3 years ned 5/24. I know about tip toeing around the house sometimes they just don't get it.
Be Well
Never,ever give up !!!!!
Bruce

moniquebar
Posts: 57
Joined: Jun 2006

Hello Mark,

Good for you for venting. Cancer sucks, no doubt about it. And chemo sucks too. I know exactly what you mean about tip-toeing around issues. Sometimes it is very difficult to pretend that everything is okay, when, quite frankly, it isn't.

Since my diagnosis, I too have had some problems with my relationship. This, I suspect, is to be expected. That said, last month I decided to see a therapist to talk out some of these issues. My decision to seek professional help was a long time coming and I wish I'd sought guidance sooner. My therapist, who specializes in cancer patients (she herself is a survivor), stated that sometimes a person will back off from their loved-one in order to emotionally distance themselves from a painful experience. Unfortunately this tactic seldom works, but evidently it's a pretty normal response to a stressful situation. For some reason, knowing that helped me understand my partner's withdrawal.

What works for me, when I'm dealing with what I perceive to be a lack of concern from my partner, is reaching out to other people" friends, family, and more recently, my therapist. Or, if not that, renting an entire season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and watching it in one go. Another thing that has helped both my partner and me is couple's counseling. Is that something you would consider?

Another thing: although it's often a good idea to "keep your chin up" research has shown that trying to maintain a constantly cheery attitude in the face of adversity can be detrimental to one's health, especially if you're not by nature an optimist. We're allowed bad days.

Take care of yourself Mark,

Monique

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

Limey: do you have access to some counseling services? Possibly a support group, or the SW at the hospital as a resource person? Emily may have ideas in this department. Bud

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