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biopsy not back yet but

Starleen
Posts: 40
Joined: Feb 2007

The doctor found a 6.5 cm tumor about an inch and a half into the rectum yesterday that he said looks malignant. I am so shocked and scared. I'm 38! I have a 2 year old and just bought a second house. We are supposed to move this weekend and rent this one out. So many fears. Will I see my daughter grow up, will I be so sick I can't work, will I die and leave my husband with all of these incredible burdens. How do I tell my mom, my friends. Biopsy should be back tomorrow, but I cannot imagine a doctor would say "it looks malignant" if it wasn't. The CAT scan did not show signs that it had spread to organs, but the surgery is the only thing that will tell me what stage this is.

When things started happening, I was able to entertain thoughts of it being something like an anal fissure, or even IBS or even colitis. Then, as the reality of a tumor became true, I clung to it being benign. Now...I'm just hoping I will live. Bits of hope thus far have sloughed away and I'm trying to be strong and positive.

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

I know what a shock this is to you. My husband was diagnosed week before xmas with stage IV with liver mets after a routine colonoscopy , and it's been a hellish time since... but please try to take one day at a time. That it hasn't spread elsewhere is a positive sign IF it's malignant and There are many options now that there weren't previously . I know waiting is really hard and worrying about what tomorrow will bring is even harder. Research every thing you can find when you know the outcome of the biopsy, pursue every avenue if you need to , and read previous posts ; you will find much support here and a terrific group of people. Never give up hope and remember that attitude plays a big part in the battle. Prayers are with you. God Bless.

Starleen
Posts: 40
Joined: Feb 2007

Thanks. I feel a little better reading about all of these people that are still alive.This has got to be the lonliest thing on earth before one finds people going through it, too. My husband is trying to be strong for me, but the only comfort I am finding is here.

Monicaemilia's picture
Monicaemilia
Posts: 455
Joined: Nov 2006

I remember the day the biopsy came back and the result was cancer , and they also told me it had spread to the liver. I had just had my baby so I know exactly how you are feeling right now. This was over a year ago and so far the beast is under control. I learned to enjoy every single day and decided not to let this disease take more of me than it has already taken. I pray that the biopsy will be negative, but if not, there is life with cancer. You can beat this thing. And we'll be here with you to do it. Monica

Jnet's picture
Jnet
Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2006

I know how you feel. It can be lonely and scary and lots to worry, but just take it 1 at a time. There's a lot of people here that is doing good and NED after being diagnosed with stage IV. There's always hope. Just always be strong and don't give up. Sorry that you are here too. I am 36 yrs. old and just recently been rediagnosed to stage IV. God Bless.

Jeannette

Betsydoglover's picture
Betsydoglover
Posts: 1254
Joined: Jul 2005

Hi Starleen -

I know how you are feeling (I was diagnosed May 2005 - turned out to be Stage IV.) Scary as it is, it is so great that you have already had a CT scan and it shows no spread to liver / lungs etc. Hard to believe now, I know, but that's GREAT news!

Try and take it one step at a time - and even though it is hard to think that way now, you have already had very good news from your CT scan.

We all go thru the colitis, IBS etc phase - please God let this be something else - sometimes that really is the problem. But, you are really lucky so far even though it does not seem that way. You don't know your Stage yet, but you do know - based upon CT scans - that there is very minimal chance of being Stage IV. That is GREAT news!

Try now to prepare for your surgery. You need to get thru that before any other treatments are considered. Your staging will dictate your treatment options, but you can now go into surgery relatively confident that you are not Stage IV and that is a good thing.

Keep us posted on your schedule and we can provide lots of support. Even though you have abandoned the "hopes" of anal fissure etc", you still have a ton of hope. Even if you end up as Stage IV there is still great hope (I'm an example and not the only one). But so far it sounds like "at the most" you may be stage III.

Keep us posted and we'll be thinking of you.

Stay positive - it's important to your treatment and the positive approach is real - not silly. Come back for advice. Surgery is likely the first step, whether malignant or benign, and that is the first obstacle you should train for. Do that well and then the rest can come later.

Be well, keep us posted and take care,
Betsy

Starleen
Posts: 40
Joined: Feb 2007

Thanks Betsy. What you just said means a lot to me.

chynabear's picture
chynabear
Posts: 483
Joined: Jul 2005

I had my colonoscopy the day I turned 27 after passing blood. The doc found a med/large polyp "that looked healthy" and didn't think it was cancer (in hindsight, I think he knew even if he doesn't realize it). Got the call the very next day, just as I was parking my truck (thankfully I was already stopped). I got out to get my 15 month old daughter. I was on the phone with my mom when the call rang in on call-waiting. I hit the ground hysterical, crying my eyes out with those exact fears. The doctor was asking me if he needed to call someone else. I pulled it together enough to tell him no. My mom knew right away. I called my mother-in-law because that is where we were. I was in the surgeons office within hours and scheduled for surgery a couple of days later so that my family could be there. That was 2 years and 5 months ago.

My point?

I was in the same boat you are in now. Terrified. Scared of being sick. Scared of leaving a small child. Scared of leaving a husband to take care of it all. We've all been there.

Once you have a "game plan" you will start to feel more in control again. The good news is that the CT doesn't show anything. Take it as good news.

You can get through this. There are MANY survivors on this board with all stages of the disease. I was Stage III with 1 node positive.

My mistake was not learning anything after I was diagnosed. I was so terrified about all of the statistics that I couldn't read anything. Now, I know that statistics were started well before the treatments we have today and on all people, even those who were so sick by the time they were diagnosed that they never really had a fighting chance. They even include people who had cancer but died of other causes. Ignore the numbers and realize that even if they look bleak, that doesn't have to be you! Attitude is a big part of this fight. Learn everything you can about prevention and cure. Look at nutrition and excercise information. It will make you feel better and healthier so that you can fight the beast stronger.

And above all, just live.

We have a great support on this board. Never be afraid to ask any questions or vent or cry or laugh... anything.

When I found out, I realized for the first time that I wasn't going to live forever. In thinking that, I though for sure I was going to die with this disease. I didn't. Nobody knows how it will end. All we can do is fight as hard as we can to put this beast away. It can and will be done.

Take care,

Patricia

vinny3's picture
vinny3
Posts: 933
Joined: Jun 2006

Hi Starleen,

I hope that we don't have to welcome you as an official member of this group-that your biopsy proves to be negative. I know the feeling of shock at getting the news that you have or probably have cancer. I had a rectal ulcer and when the doctor called to tell me it was malignant I thought the end was near. I went home to wait for my wife to get home and could only think that I was going to leave her alone in the new townhouse we had just moved into. The point of this long story is that this was two years ago and life goes on. There have been several surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy but life is still very enjoyable. It is very good news that your scan was negative. You will have many more years with your family.

Dick

LOUSWIFT
Posts: 372
Joined: Aug 2006

Vinny is right and we hope you don't join our group. If you do rest assured we have all had the same fears.

hoagiemom's picture
hoagiemom
Posts: 87
Joined: Feb 2007

I know how you feel. I just had surgery to remove a small flat polyp. I was told it looked good and it shouldn't be more then a stage II. Well long story short it is a stage III and 2 lymph nodes. This just happen last week. I'm feeling better each day. I didn't think I would ever lose that sick feeling in my stomach but I did. My CT scan was good and my blood work is good so now I have to have chemo to make sure that no cells escape. I have 2 children 11 and 13 and I'm determine to be here with them. Stay strong and read. Just make sure you read updated info. I had a book from 1995 and it scared me half to death. www.cancer.gov had great info. Stay postive and use this board. The people on this board are great and so positive. God Bless and I'm hopeful that everyting will work out. Keep us posted. Michelle

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