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OVERWHELMED/CANNOT COPE

FRANTIC
Posts: 106
Joined: Nov 2004

I have this big operation coming up in March 13.
Removal of rest of colon and rectum. Live with the illeostomy. I am totally stressed out at home with nothing to do because of my back being out. I am very concerned about these large lymph nodes near the aorta area 1 classified as calcified. They all show up on MRI's and cat scans but not on the pet scan that was when it was
2 cm. They are very deep behind the stomach. I would imagine the surgeon will look at them on march 13. I am petrified to death. I cannot cope every day worrying about this surgery. I am taking xanax which I am very tired. Don't want to get up in the morning. Have no desire to do anything. Your friend Fran just reaching out for support.

moniquebar
Posts: 57
Joined: Jun 2006

Hello Fran,

We have not formally met, but I have been following your posts for a while. I can completely understand how stressful your situation must be—your upcoming operation, your painful back, the exhaustion and your enlarged lymph nodes. I often find the most stressful part of this whole ordeal is the waiting. Waiting for surgery, waiting for test results, waiting for doctors appointments etc. Sometimes the delays feel like torture.

Prior to your operation is there a mental health professional that you can talk to who can help you cope with the stress? A family member or a close friend? I find when I am under tremendous stress that it works to take life one day at a time. Hell, it sometimes works to take life one minute at a time. Hang in there Fran. You have come so far already.

Monique

hopefulone
Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

I'm sorry that you are going through all this. I can't imagine what you are going through Fran, but I do know that sometimes the worrying and the waiting is the hardest part. Please know you are in my prayers and that you are not alone in this. You have the support of all your friends here so don't give up. There is always hope . Try to look for anything and everything positive. Sometimes you have to just "let go and let God" handle the big stuff. Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow, an hour from now, a minute from now. There aren't any guarantees for any of us. Talk to your doc about the xanax. Maybe it needs to be changed to something else and let him/her know how you feel. Don't assume they know. Try not to worry about tomorrow. Tommorrow will hold enough worry for itself. I know it's hard, but focus on getting through one day at a time. Talk to your doc about your concerns. Knowledge is empowering. Hugs and prayers your way.

cherriann
Posts: 156
Joined: Mar 2006

hi fran,
i havent been posting much lately but your post caught my heart. i was also facing this major surgery back in june. i was scared to death although i didnt have to have so much of the colon removed i am living with a permanent colostomy. i also had spots on my liver which hopefully will turn out to be shadows( will have the second cat scan on 17th to be sure). you will get thru this. it wont be easy but it is something that can be done. i hope all goes well with the lymph nodes. please keep your thoughts positive, it helps. i know some days you will feel if you are going to lose your mind but reach out to those who have been there, it will be a lifesaver. go to the uoaa site and they can help you be prepared. a few pointers about after the surgery. buy a handheld shower head, it will help with keeping the backend clean. get a hernia belt( i wish i would have). learn as much as you can, it will help you cope. please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, my heart goes out for you. YOU WILL GET THRU THIS!!!
take care, cherri

Glv49
Posts: 206
Joined: May 2005

Hi Fran,

I can only imagine what you are going thru. But all of this stress from worrying can't be good for you. You really need to relax.. I know its easier than said than done. I can understand being homebound with your back.. your mind just thinks all day long.. I know being tied down with this broken ankle has been awful for me. All I can tell you .. is to put it in God's hands... when I was faced with my surgery for my cancer.. thats what I did.. I was so overwhelmed by it all.. and felt like giving up.. I just left it up to him.. and as always.. he will take care of you. My prayers are with you.

Your friend in PA
Gail

shmurciakova's picture
shmurciakova
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

Hi again Fran,
Try to find the root of your fear of this surgery. Do you feel comfortable with the surgeon? If not, there is still time left to find another one. Are you afraid of the illeostomy? That is normal, I would be terrified too, but there are plenty of folks here that can help you to deal with that too, and you will probably feel better - so try to think of the releif of less pain.
You CAN cope! Think of this. If your nodes are 2cm, they would certainly light up on a PET scan if they were cancerous. "Calcified" is GOOD. I think that means that they are dead. When tumors are "calcified", that is good news. Also, we know your CEA is 0.5. Just keep repeating to yourself "I do not have cancer", "I do not have cancer", etc. I know it is hard not to worry, I am also prone to worrying, but I am getting better! I also can't imagine how hard it would be with all that time on your hands to think about this stuff, but try changing your thoughts to good ones. In your logical mind you know that you no longer have cancer, so try to stop worrying about it. All of the evidence points to that fact. BELIEVE IT!!
Take care,
Susan

P.S. Like I told you before, just look forward to this coming summer, think about how great the sun will feel, especially cancer free and with your surgery behind you!

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