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One other thing (my mom)

Posts: 17
Joined: Jan 2007

UGH!!! I can't talk to her about ANYTHING medical. She freaks out at the first hint of something being wrong. She freaks out, stays depressed in her bedroom for days and plans funerals every time anyone even hints cancer to her! She is the only one left in her family. They all died young. So I understand where it is coming from but why can't she be POSITIVE!

It makes it harder when you have family members who are negative and think death is always the outcome.
So my little sis knows I am having problems but she's all I have told. She is so strong and hopeful. Wish my mom could be like that.

Anyone else have relatives like this? How do you deal with them?

shmurciakova's picture
Posts: 910
Joined: Dec 2002

My Mom is the same way, except that she drinks instead of hiding in the bedroom! Anyway, when I was diagnosed (at age 31), she totally freaked out and acted like I was a goner. She was calling me every couple of hours (this was before I ever even had surgery) and I did not even have any info. to give her because I had not had any lab results or anything! Finally after a few days of this I had to YELL at her and tell her not to call me anymore. I told her that I would let her know when I had more info. and she was making things 1000 times worse. I told her I had no intention of dying before her. One of the things she kept on saying to me was "This isn't the natural order of things!", and "Parents should outlive their children!" I was like, Oh My God! Mind you, she did loose a baby after 6 days, over 30 years before hand, but still. The good news is that after a while she settled down. I know it is very difficult for parents to deal with this kind of news, so in I guess you have to give them a break. My mother was/is always a hypochondriac anyway and very dramatic. She also is not the more positive type of person anyway, so I guess you just have to realize their personalities and accept them for who they are and YELL at them when you have no other choice!
It worked for me.

spongebob's picture
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

Lucky -

I was diagnosed about 2 weeks after my ste-dad's funeral. He didn't win his cancer fight. My mom can be somewhat depressive as well. Given the unfortunate timing (is there ever a GOOD time to be diagnosed with cancer?) I opted to not tell her for quite a while and when I did, I did so VERY slowly. As in over a period of a couple days. Piece by piece. Let her digest it bite by bite.

Anyway, please give me a call - I am here in DC and am an active duty member who has dealt with much of the same stuff you are now. I think I can help you navigate the rocks and shoals of the military medical system here in town. Check your first post and your CSN e-mail for my contact info.

- SpongeBob

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