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Brother, son, father, friend, who am I?

Posts: 6
Joined: Jun 2005

I am 21 years old, the oldest of four children and I lost my father and my security to prostate cancer a year ago. I was briefly part of the CSN about a year ago when my 52 y/o father was living with very advanced prostate cancer. At that time I was looking for answers and researching options. Now I am working through a different proccess, life without dad. He was everything to my family, he and my mother had a very traditional type of marraige, but he was always the gentleman and softy of the crowd, and I loved him for that. His life with cancer brought us closer together as a family, even as close as we already were it united us. Now that he has moved on, the family seems to be... lost, I suppose is the word. I was wondering if there are people out there in my age range that would share there stories about the struggles you have to deal with as a young man, the oldest and all the roles you have to play. When someone leaves a family, the dynamics always change, but this change is so great, I am a year later still trying to figure it out. Any idea's?

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

I am not your age now, my dear, but I was 23 when I lost my dad. Yes, the family dynamics changed. We had only my sister and myself (both girls), and I became the glue that kept family together. To this day, almost 30 years later, I still am the one that keeps my mom on track. She never remarried.
Obviously, your family means much to you, so above and beyond being the oldest, you need to be the 'tie that binds'. Easier said than done...there IS a trap...offering support to your mom, without becoming your dad's replacement. THAT is NOT fair to either one of you.

I can't offer much else, but know that we are here...


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