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Single father, too scared to leave...

Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi all, I'm Justin.

I only wrote on here once a couple of years ago.. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about 4 years ago. At one point I was fine, cancer-free, only to find it had come back about a year later.

Now I have 2 adopted children, and I'm just convinced all of this isn't going to get any better. I don't want to have to leave them.. especially when they came from a home without a parent to begin with.

I'm too exhausted at the moment to even explain everything. It's really taken a toll on me today.

Just looking for some support I guess, from people who may understand.

- Justin

lfondots63's picture
Posts: 822
Joined: Jan 2006

Hi Justin,

I was dx with Stage 3 colon cancer Dec. 19th 2005. My kids were the first thing I thought of when I was dx. I just couldn't leave them alone without a mom so I kind of understand how you feel. I have used this feeling to help me through the bad days of this journey. I told my kids that I will be around to see their kids children and I will do my best to fulfill that promise. On my bad days I make sure I get lots of hugs and cuddling which makes the fight all worthwhile. It sounds like you beat the beast once. Are you still going through treatment for the second occurance? Have you ever talked to them about it? If you want to e-mail me here on this site, just click the envelope under my post. It is always easier to talk to someone who also has kids and is fighting the beast. HUGS and know that the feelings are normal.

Lisa F.

Posts: 288
Joined: May 2003

Hi Justin,

I am sorry your cancer has come back. It is not good news but do not give up hope.

My kids were 2-1/2 and 4 when I was first diagnosed in 1987 so I sort of understand how you are feeling. I am convinced I survived the surgery because I was so worried about my kids, didn't want to leave them without a mom since I had lost mine when I was a little girl. My cancer has no cure, it is slow growing and I am still battling it.

Having kids that you care about is a good incentive to put up a great fight. My tumor grew back about a year after the surgery and I thought that was it. The determination to be around for my kids gave me the strength to keep fighting.

There are new advances in cancer treatments so do not lose hope. Your feelings are very normal but if you are starting to feel too depressed or worried, get help. Many oncology depts. have social workers that can help.

Do not give up hope.

Hugs and prayers,

Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2005

Hello Justin,
I am a fellow survivor - Darlene -
I read your message and so many questions came to my head. Your message is from a couple of weeks ago, how are you doing now?

Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2006

Hi Justin,
Please dont lose hope in your situation. There are many survivors on this site that were told a very grim prognosis. Pray, meditate, dance to beautiful music, do what you have to do to get your hope back. If you call the canadian cancer society, they can hook you up with a phone buddy, a person who has gone through a similar experience and beat the odds. You can access them through thier website. I understand your fear. I was recently diagnosed with stage IV lung and I'm scared sometimes too. I am trying to "let go and let God". it is getting easier. It will for you too. Keep believing that you have much more time. Visualise yourself whole.
many prayers and healing love

Anonymous user (not verified)

I understand how you feel. I had 2 young children when I was first diagnosed in 1986. Their father was still in our lives at the time but was NOT a person I wished to leave in charge of my kids.
Fast forward.....he is now out of our lives, the kids are grown, and I am still here after 2 breast cancer diagnoses.
You just never know what God has in store. Hang in there and please ask for help when you need it. Those kids will see you being all the stronger for it.

Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2016

Just read post. Hope all is well. Never posted before. Newly diagnosed wth pancreatic cancer tooomu h information. I'm Scared, confused, lost. Trying to wrap my head around this

JerzyGrrl's picture
Posts: 637
Joined: Jun 2016

Hi, Shirley --

Sorry to hear your diagnosis. Hear the C-word and it's like you've gotten a a dump truck load of bricks all at once, not to mention -- right around the holidays and the start of a new year?! It's a lot to wrap your head around, indeed. 

First off, I'd encourage you to NOT start googling for information. If you've started, stop.  There's a lot of information out there that's out of date or flat out wrong, plus it may not apply to you at all.  Your treatment plan will depend a lot upon what kind of pancreatic cancer you have, what stage and grade it is, plus personal factors. Then there's the treatment plan that's one of the accepted practices that your physician may choose for you.  So it's not one-size-fits-all. 

Are you taking a clear-headed friend or family member with you to your medical appointments?  I've found that's a great help. So is taking notes.  I'd encourage you to start writing down questions for you physician. There are some suggested things to ask on the American Cancer Association's website at http://www.cancer.org/cancer/pancreaticcancer/index

One thing to especially be cautious about is statistics.  In order for someone to have %s of how many people survived 5 or 10 years (etc), that means those people received treatment types that were "current" 5 or 10 or 15 years ago.  New advances in treatment are appearing every year. So YOUR percentages are most likely better than any numbers you read.  Well-meaning friends may tell you about treatments they're heard about or how someone says eating purple noodles or some such is The Way to beat this (or, they'll tell you all about some medical procedure they had that has nothing to do with what your diagnosis is). So, in addition to your trying to sort stuff out, you may get a dump truck load of gravel piled right beside your bricks. 

The forum for pancreatic cancer on this site is included under the tab "Rare and Other Cancers," on the "Cancer Specific" forum list.  While they're not super active, posting a question is a good way to start.  You can go to that page and click on "Add New Forum Topic" to post.  Pick any key words or a phrase from your post above to get going. 

If you want to connect with specific people on the forum, click on their name. It'll take you to their User Profile where you also have an option to send a private CSN e-mail to them.  Feel free to click on my name and send me an e-mail. 

Sorry to hear you have a diagnosis that brings you here, but this is a good place to be. There is good information and support here. Take care, keep me/us posted...


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