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What to say?

Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2006

My MIL has fought lung cancer for 9 months. She's done SO well with chemo and radiation, just a few tired days and some minor complaints about losing her hair. They said it was caught early, gave us hope it was cured a couple months ago.

She got sick last week, tests now show it's back in her lung and has spread to her neck, spine and liver. Dr today said chemo is just to prolong the inevitable.

She's so special. Her biggest complaint last week was a friend from church who didn't believe her when she said she felt fine. She asked if she should lie just to get her off her back.

My Mom died many years ago, I've been blessed with a very special MIL who is Mom to me. My husband is strong but obviously in pain, our 3 grown daughters are heartbroken. This is so painful to all of us, but what we want most right now is what is best for her.

What to say???? What do do??? How do we make this easier for her?????

Posts: 4
Joined: Oct 2006

I am sorry to hear about your MIL. I too am struggling with the same questions you are. For some reason when reading this I feel like I can help others but struggling with how I deal with things. It is the do as I say not as I do theory. My FIL is also on this journey with an aggressive Brain tumor. What I can tell you is be there every chance you get. My husband and I moved in with my FIL and he has deterioated quickly. Communicating at this point is difficult for him due to the damage from the tumor. Up to that point though, we have had many sleepless nights lying in bed with him discussing memories, what he wants for us, what he wants. We have already planned his funeral including who he wants to participate in his funeral. As horrible as that sounds it was very theaputic. We laughed with him for hours while we were planning. At the end of all of this , we will have no doubts we are doing what he wanted. Take advantage now of the time you have together and make the most of it. Many days we just sit and wait for him to wake up for that 5 maybe 10 minutes to say hi to us and tell us he loves us. That makes it all worth it. Be yourself, do not change or fear being yourself due to her condition. That is why she loves you for who you are. Make sure you let her remember you that way. Don't be afraid to talk about what is going on with her and your husband. Let your children be a part of caring for her, if possible. My children are younger but they have helped with the things they can handle. It allows them to feel like they are a part of this. You all will grow through this journey or at least we have so far. I wish you the best of luck and keep the faith.

dakotarunner's picture
Posts: 99
Joined: Feb 2004

I don't belive there is any patented answer for your question, but I think jeepnut has the right idea. Don't change yourself. Life goes on for all of us. Your MIL will know if you are changing for her. Listen to what she says, talk to her, hold her hand, laugh if you have a chance. Your MIL's complaint was her friend from church did not believe her? Agree with MIL, and laugh about it. Only the person in your MIL's spot knows how she feels. My Mom has been in the care center for last 2 1/2 years. When I go to see her, she never knows if it is me or my son. Bless your MIL for being so fiesty.
My prayer is not only for your MIL, but also for you and your family.

Posts: 425
Joined: Jan 2005

my heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers.

Posts: 18
Joined: Nov 2006


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