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Support Groups?

afraidinindy's picture
afraidinindy
Posts: 80
Joined: Jul 2006

Don't know if it's appropriate to correspond with you good people now that I've lost my husband but want to let everyone know that my prayers continue for those afflicted with this terrible disease. I never had my life impacted by cancer until my dear husband. My heart is breaking from the loneliness I feel without him. He was my soul-mate, my best friend, confidant, and support in all ways. He was a wonderful Christian so I know he is now in Heaven free from pain, but I miss him so terribly. I am going to a support group on Tuesday evening supported by a local hospital. It is a 6-week group and I've missed the first 2. Please pray that I'll receive the help I need to try to get my life on track and become strong enough to get through this. Are any of you familiar with support groups and whether they are truly beneficial?

Thanks for all the support and prayers for Ron during his 6-month fight and also for your continued prayers for me as I face the hard reality of going on without him. God bless each of you whether you are the patient or the caregiver -- I understand your needs.

Lois

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chynabear's picture
chynabear
Posts: 483
Joined: Jul 2005

Lois, honey, you don't ever have to leave this site. That is the beauty of this "family". You are part of us forever or as long as YOU choose. Please don't feel that you must move on. There are plenty of surviving caregivers on this board and I have read numerous responses made by these individuals that have helped others deal with the caregiving and the loss of a loved one. When you are ready, maybe it would be helpful for you as well to help others.

I have not found a local support group to belong to but I know that many people benefit from them every day. If this one isn't quite the right fit, sometimes there are others you can seek out. The important thing is that you get the support you need to get through this. My heart aches for you and what you are going through. I wish I could take away a fraction of that pain for you and I pray that you find that strength to move on, not without him, but with him in your mind, heart, and soul.

If it helps you to post here, please do so.

Tricia

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

Lois: you have a support group rhght here at CSN, albeit a virtural one..I attend an on-going support group at our local cancer center, and always come away feeling a little better about my situation..it's nice to give and get feedback. Another thing that might help would be to get involved in some volunteer service where you can be of service to others-there are so many volunteer jobs out there-and one that will cry out to you. I am presently applying for a volunteer position at our local hospital, and I'm excited about it because it's an opportunity to share my expertise and/or experiences with others, and get outside of my self a little. We need to be involved.. Bud

afraidinindy's picture
afraidinindy
Posts: 80
Joined: Jul 2006

Bud, you are right that it would be good to reach out and help others through what we've been through and learned. However, at this time it's a bit early for me to try to reach out to others when I'm still in so much pain and feel I need someone to reach out to me. Are you a survivor or a caregiver? How would I go about volunteering at a hospital? I appreciate your willingness to respond and try to help me get my life moving on in a healthy way - at this time, I feel quite dysfunctional.

nanuk's picture
nanuk
Posts: 1363
Joined: Dec 2003

The hospital will have a coordinator of Volunteer services; simply call or go in and ask for him/her and obtain an application. You will be checked out, then receive an orientation. I'm a survivor-colorectal surgery with colostomy 2000,
recurrence 2003-(lung mets), radiation/chemo-(twice), various
experimental trials, presently considering a second round of bio-therapy after a six month vacation from treatment. You very well might find that person who reaches out if you do..your angel is out there waiting for you.

afraidinindy's picture
afraidinindy
Posts: 80
Joined: Jul 2006

Thanks for the info. May the Lord bless you as you continue your treatments.

CAMaura
Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

HI Lois, What angel you must be. I am so sorry for your loss and I am sure your husband appreciated your love and care so much. I have not had the time to go to any support groups, but I am sure that they are wonderful and will help you along this really hard journey. But do not be a stranger. Please post here often. My hope is that we can help you through this lonely period; I am sure you can be a source of compassion and strength for us as well. All the best to you and thank you for such a lovely post - Maura

pjenks57's picture
pjenks57
Posts: 112
Joined: Nov 2003

Lois, My heart breaks for you as I know exactly how you feel. Thank you for your post and please do not leave this board. We love you and are here for you. This place has been a great help to me since losing my husband. This is my support group! I have my church which has been great help also.

As days go by I find that the hurt gets a little easier but I have a while to go to get over the loneliness. I have good days and bad and I know that you will too. It is not something that you get over quickly or easily. I have to keep busy and keep focused on important things.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and I look for your posts everyday so please don't abandon us. We need you too! May God wrap his arms around you and give you the hug that we all would like to share with you. May you find peace and comfort in knowing that Ron is with God and no longer in pain. May you find comfort in knowing that you did all you could do and that you have love from folks you don't even know that can sustain you in this very difficult time in your life.

God bless you.
Pj

afraidinindy's picture
afraidinindy
Posts: 80
Joined: Jul 2006

Thank you for your words of comfort. Everyone tells me it will be easier but at this time I feel like I can't take much more of the hurt and pain of losing him. Also, my fear of night (darkness) and the future are overwhelming. How long have you been alone? When did you begin to start healing? Please keep me in your prayers and I'll lift you up in my prayers as well.

oneagleswings
Posts: 425
Joined: Jan 2005

Hi Lois:
We have "talked" before on this site and I am so happy that you are still posting after Ron is no longer physically by your side (but with you still)...my husband is stage 4 and is trying to cope with his second line treatment...
I pray that you will find some comfort in the support group..my friend who lost her son tragically at age 21 has found support in a "support group" and in fact, as time goes on, it helps her to help others who are new to dealing with loss.. (remember "Pay it Forward")
I pray that you will find the strength to know that you will be with him again for all eternity, but that just for awhile- you are needed here on earth (maybe to help others??)
May God bless you Lois...

I remember you posting about Ron's "night sweats"...my huband has started them again and it makes me scared that he cancer is growing again?..did you find anything that helped when Ron had them?
With prayers for your strength
Bev

afraidinindy's picture
afraidinindy
Posts: 80
Joined: Jul 2006

Thank you for your response. I'm sorry to tell you that he did not find relief from the night sweats. I never understood why he was having them. It was bad for awhile and then seemed to slow down to where he rarely had them. Then shortly before his death, the sweats returned and were terribly bad. Perhaps, it's just the disease that casued it. My heart hurts so bad from the loneliness of missing him. He was my best friend, my soulmate, my everything (2nd only to the Lord). They tell me it will become easier with time - I'm praying the time of my healing will come quickly. Please keep in touch. My prayers are with you and your husband.

jerseysue's picture
jerseysue
Posts: 626
Joined: Oct 2005

Take your time and think of what a wonderful support person you can be for another person who is going to need help.

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