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update...Claudia

ccartwri's picture
ccartwri
Posts: 82
Joined: Jul 2005

Hi all.
I have not written in months. I was very depressed and my psychiatrist and I decided i would try to stay off web chats for awhile. I am better. I had my ileostomy reversal in May. Still incontinent but diarrhea is better. as a reminder, i am 35 and had RC stage 3 diagnosis in may 2005 a few weeks after my daughter was born. I went thru radiation, surgery, chemo for 6 months and then ostomy reversal. i am moving to rome, italy for work for a year. i plan on coming back for follow ups. my scans and such have been clear. with a few scares that lead to PET and MRIs to clear up the weird flow issue in liver. i am clear. i am grateful. and scared a lot of the time. getting back to life is difficult. but i want it so badly. i do not have the umf i used to have and have trouble making decisions. we will try this and see what happens. i have been in touch with jana and rodney but wanted to get updates on those of you i had written with....please let me know how you are.
love
claudia

Patrusha
Posts: 488
Joined: Jun 2006

Hi Claudia,

I have not met you before, but welcome back. I understand the need to take a break from the boards on occassion. I also can relate to your lack of "umf." I feel that already (had surgery in July, doing chemo now, Stage II CC) I fight a daily urge to just curl up in a ball (as if that would make this all go away). Decisions are for other people right now, unless I am forced to make them (like in my job). I can only hope for better down the road.

Perhaps your new job in Rome (how exciting) will bring you back to a sense of yourself. I hope it is just what you need!

kerry's picture
kerry
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003

Claudia,

So good to hear from you. I have the new 2007 Colondar and your photo is great!! Good job.

I know the stress you feel right now. Getting back to "normal" is our goal. I guess as cancer survivors our "normal" will probably never be the same as our "normal" prior to diagnosis....but that's ok. Our normal now is to appreciate each and every day with our loved ones. I think before we took so much for granted.

I have had a recurrance in my liver and am currently on Folfiri + Avastin. My last CT scan showed that the treatment is apparently working as the lesion has shrunk by almost 50% - I have 4 more treatments until I go back for more scans.

Claudia, I am scared most of the time too. I hate the scans, because I know I will have to face the reality of something else wrong, but we have to continue on and try to catch this beast before he can catch us.

Good luck in Rome. It is one of my favorite cities of the world. Italy would be a wonderful place to live. Enjoy your time there.

Congratulations on your clear scans. Take care and enjoy your new journey in life.

Hugs,

Kerry

vinny3's picture
vinny3
Posts: 933
Joined: Jun 2006

Claudia,

Haven't seen your previous posts but glad to hear that you are feeling better. Moving to Rome should be wonderful. It is a pretty city, lots of interesting places. Besides, Italy has universal healthcare although I don't know how they treat us "foreigners". Your energy should gradually come back. Have your doctors given any advice on controlling the incontinence problem? I know it is harder with the reconnection as you can't have alot of bulk too but perhaps some would help. Most of the posts I have seen here indicate that that particular problem does improve over time.

Good luck and stay NED
Dick

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Claudia,
I am NED! On both the rectal and the breast!
I, too, have had some 'canceritis' scares...but have decided that if I get overly scared, the beast wins....and I HATE TO LOSE!
The one positive out of a brush with the beast is that we treat our bodies with much more respect. AND we realize that we MUST enjoy every drop of life....
My therapist suggested that it is like graduating from high school...after all the schedules, appointments, structure...you are told "Congrats, go forth and live your life!". And, just like at graduation, there is no guidebook included.
Have a grand time in Rome! I have not traveled there, but will be going to The Netherlands in December...
Hugs, Kathi

jana11
Posts: 708
Joined: May 2004

Hi there! SO good to see you back! I saw your colondar picture - WHAT A BABE!!! :)

I tried to get info on the rome doctors - still trying. I go to MDA next week and I will try again, in person.

You are incredible... and beginning your cancerfree life. Fear is normal. Just keep breathing and loving life. Your beautiful family will help you.

Keep in touch. love, jana

scouty's picture
scouty
Posts: 1976
Joined: Apr 2004

Hi Claudia and thank you for checking in. I was wondering if you were moving to Hollywood given your recent fame.

I can so relate to your post. Reversals are so hard. I had my colostomy taken down in January after over 2 years and things are just starting to settle down and work like they are supposed to.

The whole fear and scared feelings are so hard to "forget". I find that I have fought so diligently to not die for a few years that now I find it hard to try to live again "without looking over my shoulder". I am just trying to take it one day at a time and let things come to me instead of me trying to force them.

Rome sounds fascinating and don't you dare "ignore" us again!!!!!!!!! Please stay in touch and take care of you.

Lisa P.

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