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Really Depressed Today

Posts: 22
Joined: Apr 2006

Hi folks. I have posted on here many times and have always appreciated the feedback and loved trying to help others out. I have been fighting this beast for 3 years now but this summer has been the worst. My colon was perforated during a sigmoidoscopy and I barely surved surgery and three weeks in intensive care. 6 Weeks after that I needed another surgery to remove a blockage at the small/large intestine area. Made it thru all that but the pain now has increased to the point of being intolerable. My doc suggests morphine drip and wait for the inevitable. I'm usually a very upbeat person but this has me down. Been depressed severely for the past few days. At least I managed to marry the love of my life last week in a small ceremony. At least I can be at peace knowing that. Love, I have found, is the best medicine. Thanks for listening guys....Don

Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

Dear Don,

Congratulations on your marriage. I am happy that you found the love and that you are now together. In times like this, it is the most important.

What is next step for your treatment? Do you mean that nothing else can be done? Have they done CT or PET scan to determine what is causing the pain?

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know that God is with you and He will not leave you alone.

God Bless,

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Posts: 22
Joined: Apr 2006

Thanks for your kind words. We had been together on and off for over 30 years and 1 divorce each. She is my rock, my strength and she chose to marry me after all I have put her thru these last few years of cancer. Truly a miracle! Pain is probably caused by tumor growth and fluid buildup, and no, they dont believe there is anything left to do. Thaks for writing, it really picked me up, Don

spongebob's picture
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

Don -

Have you contacted the hospice folks? They are experts in controlling pain - physical and emotional.

Be strong - fight as hard as you can.

Prayers are with you and your spouse.

- SB

Posts: 22
Joined: Apr 2006

Thanks Sponge. I always was a true fighter, but its been so long and I feel so weary. I would just like to put this burden I have been carrying down. I gave it all I had and I fought the good fight. I'm just so tired of fighting....Don

Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

Dear Don,

I am so sorry for your pain - physical and emotional.

Please contact hospice service. They know the best ways of keeping you comfortable so that you can spend the most meaningful time with the love of your life.

And please do keep this in mind: God is with you, leave everything to him. If you are tired, He will carry you. He says: "Come to me and have rest".

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

God Bless,

goldfinch's picture
Posts: 737
Joined: Oct 2003

I am so sorry for all you have been through these 3 years, but especially this summer. I am glad you found love. Something tells me that your wedding ceremony was very important to your wife. You (and she) must be very special people. She is because, as you said, she married you even after going through all you have gone through, and will be going through. You are special because, even with all that, she thought you were special enough to marry. I'm not saying this very well, but I think you both sound like great people. I will be keeping you in my prayers. You might consider asking your doc for a referral to a pain specialist. Have you been hooked up with hospice? THose nurses know a whole lot about pain management. Celebrate that love!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 319
Joined: Jan 2003

Hi Don Iam sorry for your pain. Tell your doctor that you must have something to control it. What kind of quality of life is that. Yes Hospice is usually good with pain and emotinal support for you and your wife. I had similar problems like yours but not as servere. I had my intestional blockage first, suffered for one month in the worst pain of my life worst than a passing a kidney stone. Than one year later while having my colonoscopy the Dr. perforated my intestine and I ended up with a permanent colostomy. I understand how you feel that you fought a good fight. Please continue to fight for your comfort. Livin

betina61's picture
Posts: 644
Joined: Aug 2006

Hi Don, sorry to hear all that you have gone through,you brought tears to my eyes in the way that you wrote how you feel of the person you married, she should be very special, and at the same time very lucky too to have a person like you that love her so much, put your life in God's hands ask him for peace and acceptance, and try to enjoy the best that you can every minute, every second with that wonderful person ,that after so many years now you could call her your wife. My prayers with you, Betina

Posts: 183
Joined: Jul 2005

Hi Don, im so sorry you have to go through this. I can only imagine how you feel. It was so hard to watch my dad go through this I can only imagine how he felt. He also had pain from tumor growth and fluid. he had fluid in his lungs and his abdomon. Im so happy you have someone to be by your side at this time. I hope you can get the pain under control. Mindy

jerseysue's picture
Posts: 626
Joined: Oct 2005

Keep the faith you never know! Keep praying to the one you pray too.

Posts: 553
Joined: Mar 2006


Sounds like some good and bad things have happened this summer. You have been fighting this thing for three years and I'm sure it is very difficult to find the strength to fight anymore. Just ask God to give you the strength to keep fighting. He has blessed you with the love of your life, and he is there for you in every other aspect of your life. I would also contact someone who can help you with the pain, and also try to get another opinion if you can. You are in my prayers.

God bless you and your wife,


KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Oh, Don....it really isn't fair! 3 years makes a person weary. Try to find something to smile about every day....sounds like you have, with this special love!!!! Laughter, they say, is also good medicine.
Please keep the hope....and live each moment!

I am sending my warmest, fuzziest hugs!!

Hugs, Kathi

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

All that said, I found that in the last months of my friend's life, it was a time of healing for him, reconnecting with people, making sure that everything that needed to be said, was....everything to do, done....he passed peacefully, and his family close around him....

Hugs, Kathi

Kanort's picture
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Don,

I am keeping you in my heart and prayers. Congratulations on your recent marriage. Please know that we are here for you.

Hugs to you and your new wife.


Posts: 708
Joined: May 2004

I hope you are feeling a little better...
Congratulations on your wedding! I am so very sorry for all you are going through.

Treat each day as another day with each other. Talk to hospice and see if they can help you feel better.

You said you can be at peace knowing you found love - keep repeating that.... we are here for you. jana

Posts: 8
Joined: Aug 2006

dealing with the thought of leaving is so scary.i'm so sorry.you and your family are in my prayers.i wish you peace.GOD bless!.

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