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Caregiver Has Melt Down

SueS
Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2006

Not a good morning. Going to fix my husband breakfast and phone rings so I answered it. He's impatient and gets eggs out of frig. Now he's tingly. I told him he should have waited for me and he says he didn't think I was going to get them out for him. Who has been taking food out of the frig all this time, yes me. My eyes filled up and I had to leave the room. Didn't want to cry in front of him plus our son and his wife are here for the week end. Went in bedroom and started crying. Got to pull myself together. Why am I crying over the eggs. Splashed face with cold water try and pull my self together.Tell myself their are other people worse off then I am so pull yourself together. Still feel weepy and down.Any suggestions.

Hugs to All

Sue S

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

This is on my page, part of my gallery...
I have 2 mentally challenged kids. This was given to me by the agency that assists them, and me:

Caregivers Bill of Rights

I have the right to take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my loved one.

I have the right to seek help from others even though my loved one may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

I have the right to get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

I have the right to reject any attempts by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt and/or depression.

I have the right to take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my loved one.

I have the right to receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance from my loved one for what I do, for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

Hugs, to the lady with the true wings (all you caregivers have them....)
Kathi

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2598
Joined: Apr 2003

Sue -

kathi's post says it all. We're here for you. Know you have the toughest job in the entire medical field!

- SB

SueS
Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2006

Kathi

Thank you so much for sending that to me. I know caregivers go thru alot but sometimes I feel guilty for what my husband is going thru and I don't know how to handle it.
Spongebob also thanks to you for replying.

Hugs
SueS

jams67's picture
jams67
Posts: 927
Joined: May 2006

My husband is a great caregiver and has gone the extra mile. Because he is so strong and being so brave, I've felt that I had to cry alone. Please let him see your tears and cry with you instead of crying alone. Face this beast head on together instead of each with an invisable shield trying to protect the other one. Just my experience. jams

alihamilton's picture
alihamilton
Posts: 348
Joined: Jan 2004

Wonderful replies to help you Sue! Your behaviour is SO normal. It is the most difficult role in the world! I had several episodes similar to yours. We soldier on through the more serious moments and then dissolve in tears over, in your case, eggs! Have a good cry! I also agree that you will not always be able to hide the tears. Everyone might tell you, be strong, do not let him see you down, etc. Yeah, right! Let them try it! I do not mean you should be miserable all the time around him, but once you are able to let him know you feel sad, the pressure will not be so great for you to hide it and it will therefore be easier do so.
Take care of yourself too!
Ali

SueS
Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2006

Jams67
You know I really don't think my husband has really seen me cry as I tell myself I have to be strong for him. I know everybody handles this differntly and at times I don't know how to handle it. My husband doesn't talk about the cancer very much. I have to bring the subject up because I think he should talk about it. any suggestions. HUGS (WHICH I NEED ALOT OF TODAY) SUE

jams67's picture
jams67
Posts: 927
Joined: May 2006

You and your husband probably just need a good cry together and then a long soul barring talk. Maybe one of your jobs as caregiver is to begin the talk. I know, one more thing to do. As Nike says, "Just Do It!" I think it may open a door where you can be yourself. Also, you may want to join a caregiver's group somewhere or see a professional. A stress management class may not be a bad idea. jams

AuthorUnknown
Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

Sue,

It sounds to me that you are very emotionally tired. I think that you should let yourself feel what you feel. If you feel like crying, then cry. It will help you to go through this. And you don't have to hide from your family - they should be there to support you. And if your husband sees your crying it is even better. He needs to realize what you are going through.

Hang in there, it shall pass....

Hugs.

God Bless, Eleonora

SueS
Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2006

Eleonora1
I think you are right I am emotionaly tired. My emotions are way out of whack. We just moved to Fl in Nov from MI and in June my husband was dx with colon cancer. We don't have family here but we do have awesome neighbors.Our children come to visit a couple of times a mth as one is in Atlanta and the other Va Bch. This past week I have been sooo tired and weepy. I do have a doc appt Tues. I just love this post as all of you are so helpful and I don't know how many times my spirtits have been lefted because of all of you. Thanks to all of you.

Hugs
Sue S

CAMaura
Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

Hi - The only suggestion I have is to really understand that youa re normal and that you will hit the wall -- probably more than you would like...You know, you don't need to think abut how someone else is worse off than you or your husband. It is a fact that you will become stressed and tired and need a little attention for yourself. Take it easy. Hope to hear from you soon - Maura

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Sue,

I hope you are feeling better by now. I am the sole cargiver for a mother with dementia so I understand your pain. Somedays are better than others. Please continue to come here for love and support.

Sending you and your husband my best.

Hugs,

Kay

Patrusha
Posts: 488
Joined: Jun 2006

Dear Sue, you go ahead and cry over eggs, spilt milk, whatever you wish! Caregivers are the most heroic, unselfish people in the world in my opinion. Meltdowns are part of the job description. I'm sure your husband appreciates everything you do... some days it just is hard to express it. Hang in there.

Btrcup's picture
Btrcup
Posts: 287
Joined: Jun 2004

Hi Sue, I was caregiver to my husband for 18 months and I know all about meltdowns! I had such a bad one once that I threw my dinner (chicken breast, potatoe & corn) into the garbage disposal, cursed at my poor husband, and stormed out of the house! I went to a local Applebee's, had a couple of glasses of wine, went home and cried my apologies to Scott.

There is so much stress involved in watching someone you love go through this terrble disease. Don't feel badly. Sometimes it helps!

Linda

AuthorUnknown
Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

Hi Sue,

As a spouse of someone with colon cancer, I understand your meltdown. There are so many emotions to deal with. In addition, there is really nothing that we can say or do that will make this any better (or make it go away). We wonder so often what the future hold for them and us.

Although my husband does not need a caregiver at this time, there have been times when he did. Friends and family are kind and they always want to give an encouraging word but sometimes we just need someone to listen to our doubts and fears. Our friends on this board understand.

As others have mentioned, we need rest, understanding, comfort, and sometimes a reason to laugh. I find so much help here. I also had to have the help of a mild antidepressant. Not everyone needs them, but I do.

Hang in there

Betty

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