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Friend with Liver Cancer

Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2006

My friend was re-diagnosed with Liver Cancer at the beginning of this year. We have been coworkers and friends for over a year. She has progressively been getting worse. I tried contacting her last week and could not find her so tried some alternate numbers and found out she was ok. I called her house and she answered and told me she did not want to talk to me and hung up. Today I received an email from her saying that due to her illness and to reduce stress, she does not want to have a friendship with me. Can anyone help me understand her decision. I spent so much time supporting her and I need to understand why she would do something like this.

offutt9's picture
Posts: 88
Joined: Jan 2004

Hello! I have angiosarcoma of the liver. Some days are really rough.. She is probably hurting and very depressed and doesn't want to show you how much. She is dealing with a lot and needs a friend, so don't give up on her. Just let her know that you are there for her. She justs needs time to adjust to this situation. Since she has had cancer before, she knows all the pain and hurt you go thru. Maybe she is just trying to protect you..Or maybe she is so scared right now she doesn't know what to do. Please just lift her up in prayer. God can help her. If you want to talk just email me... In Gods Love... Barbara

Posts: 6
Joined: Mar 2004

oxgal, unless she's more specific, i think you probably have to respect her decision. she might just want to completely disconnect from her cancer days and move in a different direction, or maybe she's just completely depressed and doesn't want to revisit any of it. Or...something complete different.
Regardless, there's not much you can do now except to perhaps offer support and friendship, and be subtle about it...email? a card in the mail? Let her know gently that you're there and willing to be supportive, and then back away and wait for an answer. It may not come, but she needs to make that call herself. The worst thing you can do right now is to impose on her while she's dealing with the cancer thing.
Hope this helps....good luck.

Posts: 6
Joined: May 2006

Sorry to hear about your friend. The shoe is on the other foot in my case, but think I can be of some help. I too have cancer, and there is no cure for mine. I can understand somewhat how your friend feels, although, I didn't treat my friends that way when I was diagnosed. Your friend is probably having a very hard time herself, dealing with this new diagnosis. Give her some time. Send her, I'm thinking of you cards, and not get well cards. Maybe jot a few funny things happening at work or something. Just keep letting her know that you are thinking of her, and will be there for her if she needs you. I know that when I first received my bad news, I didn't want to talk about it to anyone. I was angry too. Why me? She will need your help and support in time coming, just give her some time, and let her know how much you miss seeing her. Just don't do it by phone, or mail. Maybe she won't come around, but give her some time. Have faith, and keep her in your prayers. We all need that.

Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2006

This is something I am so worried about...I am feeling so blue and depressed that I can't bear to interact with anyone that is close to me. Just last night, I snapped at my wife because she seems to want me to let her in on every part of my life...I just wanted to be alone and think about things for a while. Other friends and co-workers call me and I dread that. I brush them off the phone as quickly as possible. The cancer is so deep inside of me and everyone wants to know whats going on...I hurt not only from the cancer, but from my heart...I want to share, but it's too painfull...everybody dies, but it's a ***** knowing when.

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