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Laugh at my expense guys

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Tomorrow(Tuesday)week I have to submit to another colonoscopy. That's where some guy with a PHD in torture shoves this mini camera "where tha sun don't shine" all for the good cause of being able to tell me I am still NED.I submit the following menu;
Entree; My clinic nurse has given me a choice of Colonlightly(yuk), Picoprep(grrrr) or Picolax(oh my!) My request of a mug of iced coffee followed by a "scotch n dry" chaser was unconditionally refused on the grounds that hospital staff no longer furnish alcohol medication to geriatric has beens like me.Whichever I order will be followed by copious visits to the bathroom whereupon I am sure Jen will be standing by to issue "moral support".
Main course; an anaesthetist hellbent on pain infliction(probably got her PHD at the same school as my gastro specialist) will offer up a course of "ju ju juice" thru a complimentary IV administered wherever she can find a blood vessel suitable for said poison.
Table entertainment; Throughout the meal it is possible that home movies of "Pipeline" may be shown.
Recovery prior to dessert; I am told that the main course would be well received however my last "meal" as I recall left a degree of "butt burn" even tho chilli was not on the menu.Hopefully the chef will get the administered "dose" of sustenance right this time.
Dessert; last time I requested ice cream copiously sprinkled with cashew nuts overlaid by a generous helping of caramel flavouring...denied! I did receive, however a sandwich filled with bully beef and cheese(yuk!) which was to be washed down with the most revolting coffee...the coffee taste being masked by the polystyrene exusions emmitted by its container.
Overall meal review; There is no doubt that the chefs intentions will be admirable, however it is with no malice meant on my part that I must say that the table manners of the establishment and it's staff are surely lacking.
I make particular mention of the post procedure questions pertaining to my overall health and wellbeing. I refer to, quote; "how are you feeling now Ross?....you may suffer some constipation,bloating,diarrea,sore anal area...it will pass!"
Conclusion; Although it is likely I will in the future require another sitting...mmm..wrong word....I will certainly voice my disaproval.
Must go now and seek out my recipe book!After submitting to the aforementioned "meal" I am sure that on wednesday week I will yearn for some homestyle cooking complimented by a good Penfolds Port.
ps......if yah can't laugh at Kanga then pppllleease have pity at least!

Posts: 488
Joined: Jun 2006

Kanga you are making my stomach wound hurt from all the laughing! Hey, might as well keep the old spirits up, eh? Are you an Aussie? Here where I am we get to take this horrible concoction called Phospho-something-or-other. I guess prep isn't fun anywhere, is it?

Hey, for those anal sores, has anyone else used a peri bottle to splash clean water on the affected area each time you "go"? I do it and it helps me avoid that "raw" feeling. A little vaseline helps, too!

Posts: 757
Joined: Jul 2004

good luck with the scope.
be well
all the best

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Aw, my dear, sweet Ross!

I got thru mine, but STILL am trying to get a price break for 12 inches less to scope...no luck so far...sigh!!!
Here in the States, a forward-thinking society, we have a choice between drinking a gallon of nasty stuff or 3 ounces...seems pretty easy choice, right???? BUT the gotcha is that the 3 ounces tastes like you just drown in the ocean and are taking on sea water...with bubbles!!!

I am sending all my good vibes...the simple truth is...
If it burns on the way IN, it will burn on the way OUT....

Hugs, kathi

Posts: 297
Joined: Apr 2004

Hi Kanga!!!
You are in my thought and prayers for good news of NED!!! By the way, don't they have the stupidist names for those preps? My favorite is Crapalot..bka phosphosoda (spelling is probably wrong). That's what I call it. That's what it does. I love the idea of iced coffee with the chaser, though. Terri

Posts: 232
Joined: Jan 2005

Best of luck with the scoping. Hope everything is good

ron50's picture
Posts: 1684
Joined: Nov 2001

Well Kanga at the moment I am envious. Having had seven scopes in eight years that may seem strange BUT!!!! I can't take a trick lately. I narrowly avoided the camera up the other nether region,they think the probable cause was kidney stones there were no rogue cells found. At the other end of the gi tract I am not so lucky. Of all things I have an annurism up my nose. I have had it for nearly 20 years . It self destructs on a regular basis usually landing me in hospital. My last bout 18 mos ago was a bad one and the ear nose and throat guy used 9 silver nitrate sticks to quarterize it . It did the trick until last monday when it ruptured twice during the day ,the second time I couldn't stop the bleeding and finished up in hospital again. As usual they did nothing. So tomorrow it's off to the en&t guy again(A thoroughly obnoxious midget). They cured my cancer ,fixed my pancreatitis,removed my gall bladder,WHY can't they fix a nosebleed. Good luck with the scope I am willing to swap,Cheers Ron.

lfondots63's picture
Posts: 822
Joined: Jan 2006

Thanks Ross for the laugh! Very appropriate. Should send it to your doctors to show our perspective of the whole proceedure. What is funny with me that I had a scope and they found the tumor and admitted me to the hospital. They then were going to take it out the next day. To add insult to injury the internist wanted me to take another prep. I asked why since I was unable to eat much for about a week before the colonoscopy and I just did a prep. I told him flat out NO and said I didn't have anything in me. (I was going all bile and water at that time still recouping from the other prep). Sometimes doctors are so clueless. Good luck in the results. Will be sending you good vibes for NED still.


JADot's picture
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

Good luck on the scope.

Next time I'll to one, I'll fast for a week instead of take the crud.


Betsydoglover's picture
Posts: 1246
Joined: Jul 2005

Ross -

I have to laugh. It is so hideous. My next colonsocopy is in November and as my oncologist said when I saw her two weeks ago - "bet that'll come sooner than you wish!". No kidding. My goal for November is to get an AM appointment, so I can start the prep earlier in the previous day and not have to be up past midnight waiting for the end!

Good luck, Kanga,

Posts: 205
Joined: Feb 2006

Good luck on your scope . will be thinking about you .
I sure wish I had some good advice on which nasty stuff you have to take . I had the oh so wonderful go-lightly .
The morning before I went to see the Dr. My Mom finally got me to eat something . I ate two bowls of shredded wheat then went to see the Dr. who told me "I want to scope you first thing in the morning" . He then gave me two gallons of that nasty stuff . I had to drink 1 1/2 gallons before I finally got all that shredded wheat out of me . So I think I'll go with Ying's plan for the next scope .
Take Care and God Bless

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Thanks guys...but really...one's gotta laugh!Pat...yes, I am in oz. Hw we get that stuff down while livin upside down is a miracle..hehe!Kathi...since 1/3 of my colon is gorn I cheated last time and only drank 3 out of 4 litres. At least this time I will do pecoprep which is much less than that but still no more palatable.Ron....have you any organs left mate?I guess if you were Brad Pitt or Mel Gibson with lots of $$$$they would do a nose job on yah buddy!Lisa.....they did the same to me. I had 2 scopes in the same week prior to surgery. I think the surgeon just got his rocks of peering up my rear end...lol!Deb....I know by experience to starve myself at least 3 days before the scope. Eat jelly they say....I hate @&%@#&&@%@!! jelly!
Betsy....my appt. for torture is 8.00am which is not so bad except that I have to travel 50 miles to get there. Mmmmm.....must go to the pharmacy this week and buy some daipers....lol!

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