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want to scream......

Posts: 44
Joined: Jun 2005

As some of you know my husband is Stage IV mets to lungs (inoperable) he is fairing pretty well. Well this week his Mother was diagnosed with Stage 111A Non Small Cell Lung Cancer, so I am really concerned for my husband as I know its only natural for him to be stressed/anxious/worried about his Mom, he knows whats ahead for her since he is on his own journey of meds/scans etc etc. I know that being stressed/worried can make his own battle even harder....... I dont expect anything less of him its his Mom and he is so scared for her. Just needed to vent that, hope I can calm him so he is not so anxious/stressed over his Mom's dx

Oh how I hate this BEAST, but onward we go with the fight...... think I need bigger guns

thanks for listening
aka "The English Chick"

lfondots63's picture
Posts: 822
Joined: Jan 2006

Hi Debbie,

I know how he feels. My dad has CLL, prostrate cancer and now has swollen lymph nodes in his colon plus spots on his liver. I have T3 colon cancer and very stressed over dad. At least I know what he needs to go through and can help. Maybe tell your hubby that. He knows the rollercoaster and can help make it easier for his mom. I am trying this with my dad and helping because I know how doctors are and I can ask the right questions. HUGS and it sounds like everyone needs a night out on the town to "destress". Take care.


kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hi Debbie...yeah..well I will help yah scream gal. I just met a fellow motorcyclist, Lawrie, who was recently dx'd with colon cancer stage 3 who needed some support. We had some major discussions and talked about the emotional side of things. After dealing with my cancer for 3 years I was able to relate to him so many things, one of which was how my wife, Jen, had to deal with all this.His wife(Helen) was taking things pretty badly. Interesting tho is the fact that my mum died of brain cancer 7 years ago. Lo and behold Lawrie's mum also died from brain cancer(on the very day Lawrie had his surgery!)
Food for thought....is there some definate indication of genetics involved here?
I am appalled at the constant referrals on this board that many of us dx'd with cancer have a close family member also diagnosed.
This disease sucks big time!
Our thoughts go out to your hubby and his mum. I say again .....Cancer SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
Ross n Jen

Posts: 1560
Joined: May 2006

Dear Debbie,

I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. I don't know if it would help but you could tell your husband that in order for him to take care of his mother he needs to take care of himself. You could reason that if he does not take care of himself, than who is going to take care of his mother?

I hope that you take care of yourself for the same reason - you need to be out there for both of them.

I pray that both of them will be strong enough for the fight and for your strength.

If you need a shoulder to cry on, you can e-mail me any time.

Best wishes, Eleonora

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

Something wierd, Debbie...I felt the best when I could forget my troubles while helping others...it might surprise you with your husband...he can be his mom's inspiration! And guiding light!

Hugs to all three of you,

Posts: 553
Joined: Mar 2006

Hi Debbie,

My dad has colon cancer and a little over a month ago, my mom had a pretty severe heart attack and was in the hospital for a week. I thought that my mom's heart attack would push my dad over the edge and was more worried about him than my mom. He spent a few nights in the hospital with her and did not eat right. He ended up being okay throughout the whole ordeal. I think that he was so busy trying to take care of my mom and I believe he made himself mentally stronger. I feel he was determined to stay strong for my mom. I don't know if this helps, but maybe your husband will be determined to be strong for his mom too.

Prayer helps also. I know it did for my family.
I will keep your family in my prayers.

God bless,


Posts: 488
Joined: Jun 2006


My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. One of my sisters was dx with IIIB NSCLC and she fought a brave battle for 3.5 years but then, sadly, succumbed. She was 51 and hadn't smoked for 25 years....

I don't tell you this to alarm you about your MIL. My sister's cancer was so invasive that they did no surgery at all. They did just about everything else, and still told her she had only an 8% chance of being alive two years after diagnosis. A doctor at the famed Kettering Institute in New York coldly (or maybe just straight-forward) told her to go home and get her affairs in order. But she fought on anyway and was able to outlive their dire predictions by 1.5 years.

One of the things that made her fight so hard was her two young-adult kids. She wanted to see them marry, have kids, etc... She had a reason for fighting so hard. My sister was also somewhat of a miser. Right after she was diagnosed she took out one of those insurance policies that pay out as long as you live for three years. She didn't need the policy. Her husband is quite well off and she had an estate that left her husband and kids quite well off, too. She did it so she could strive for that 3-year mark. The day she passed that mark she called me and said, "I did it! I made it past the three years and now the insurance company will have to pay!!!" It was the goal that kept her going.

Now your husband and MIL can set a goal to fight for each other and be each other's inspiration.

God hold you all in the palm of his hand.

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