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How do I be strong?

Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2006

I am 27 years old and my 48 year old father has Lymphoma??? I think that is what they called it... He was given a year to live and now we have received word that the last round of Chemo was ineffective and the tumor has grown. My dad has always been a fighter and hes not giving up now but i can see that this has taken a toll on him... He has an 8 yr old grandson (my son) and a 10 yr old son... He has always been viewed as the rock of our family and now hes having to lean on others for support...My family now looks to me for their emotional support and i don't know if im strong enough to give it...How can I be strong for my family and my dad??? He has been my whole world. Everything that i am i owe to my dad... he has molded me and helped to be the person that i am today....

mssue's picture
Posts: 243
Joined: Oct 2003

It sounds like a big order to fill,at a time like this everyones emotions are distorted.Please know that what ever the outcome-no one is to blame-we do all we can do and there is no more.The most important thing right now is to spend time with Your Dad and enjoy him.If the treatment combo is not working, the Doctor should try a different formula-if there is a problem with this ,get another opinion-it never hurts and can sometimes make a world of difference.I just received this e-mail this morning and thought You'd enjoy it too,so I'm going to share it with You........

Three Things
Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -

Three things in life that may never be lost -

Three things in life that are most valuable -

Three things in life that are never certain -

Three things that make a man/woman -
Hard work

Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman -

Three things that are truly constant -
Holy Ghost

I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today;
to guide you and protect you, as you go along your way.
His love is always with you, His promises are true.
And when you give Him all your cares, you know He'll see you through.

God Bless You,

Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2006

Help, My husband has been fighting lymphoma for 5 years. We have 4 boys from 23-15 any I need to find a way to continue the fight. My husband has been in and out of the hospital every month of this year. He just spent 10 days in June in the hospital and now he is back in and going on 7 days now. He has been through a spleenectomy and a BMT we had to spend 3 months apart during it. Our youngest 2 had to spend a year with there grandparents 300 miles away. The current hospital is 50 miles away and the mental and physical stress is getting me down. My husband is so depressed and has not been able to swallow that he is now 6' and weighs 123 lbs. Any suggestions on how to get him out of the depression and keep myself out of it would be helpful.

Anonymous user (not verified)

I am so sorry your dad and your whole family are having to go through this.
You said your family is looking to you for their emotional support....time to have a talk with them.
You can only give so much. Let them know you need each of them to step up to the mark and help you cope. No one person can carry the load alone.
If you are giving out, you must also take in. Look for ways to 'refuel' yourself physically and emotionally. It might be time alone...for a movie, a spa day, or a weekend vacation. Do SOMETHING just for yourself.....and DO NOT feel guilty. Remember helping yourself makes you more capable of helping others.
Also contact the American Cancer Society for resources in your area for both practical and emotional help and support.
God bless.

terato's picture
Posts: 383
Joined: Apr 2002

You don't know how much strength you have until you confront a major life-crisis. In my almost 55 years, I have endured metastatic testicular cancer, long-term unemployment, divorce, the paralysis and death of my father, and the suicide of my younger brother. I now care for my 89-year old mother. I never thought of myself as "Rambo". In fact, I was the "fat kid" at school that other kids made fun of. Those other kids would be amazed, not only by what I have endured, but what I have accomplished in spite of many set-backs.

Never sell yourself short. Remember, you are Phil's daughter! That which makes your dad so admirable and special is in you. It is his indelible gift which you have yet to unwrap. When you do so, you will permit his strength and spirit to live in you and his grandchildren.

May Phil's many gifts and God's be with you always.


Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2006

I know exactly what you are going through. I do not know how to handle it myself! Let me start from the begining. I am 22 years old, recently graduated college and am now working full time and contributing everything to the household and medical bills. When i was 16 years old my dad had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital. He was 46 at the time. He had a triple bypass over christmas/ new years of 2001. The day of his triple bypass my mom got a call from a doctor saying that my dad had mantle cell lymphoma. I had no idea he was even tested (turns out, he had a big lump on his neck before) i had been so self involved like a typical teenager that i had no idea. well everything changed after that phone call. when my dad came out of surgery, he looked so weak and frail, i couldnt help but cry. seeing my 6'4" 300 lb dad look boney was very scary. while he was healing the doctors gave him 6 months! It's been 6 years! He was going to memorial sloan kettering in manhattan, and is now with cancer institute of nj. we have been on countless experimental drugs and radiations. I stayed home for college, found a job near home and have ruined countless relationships and friendships due to my stubborness and refusal to leave my dad. I don't regret it for one bit! Now i am 22 and my dad is 52. He will probably not make it to his next birthday, or mine for that matter. Last week we learned that his last chemo failed and the doctors have nothing else to give him. He is now signing up for Hospice care. I know that he will not last much longer. I have no idea how to keep from constantly crying. My dad means everything in the world to me and all i hoped for was for him to walk me down the aisle one day at my wedding. I try not to cry in front of my mom and dad because i dont want to upset them. i am trying to stay upbeat around them so that my dads remaining time is spent happy and with his family. I sit here at work and tears fill my eyes every few minutes. i do not know how to control my emotions anymore, and i cannot focus on anything. i can't leave my job even for a short while because we cannot afford it. Its very hard and i have no one to talk to who understands what i am going through, which is why i joined this site. Phils daughter, if you ever want to talk, please message me!!

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