had to reschedule scan - dad's sick and depressed

Options
juliababy
juliababy Member Posts: 130
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
well my dad's scan was supposed to be tomorrow, but instead he came down with cellulitis of his left leg, probably as a result of his borderline diabetes, and they had to reschedule it.

I am really worried about him these days, then again i always worry about him. I know he was worried about the scan but now this cellulitis thing really has him down. You see, my dad was a very very very strong, proud business man and ever since his stage 3 diagnosis almost 2 years ago (july 7th) he has never really been the same. He will never say it but I can tell he thinks he's not going to beat this disease and it's depressing him very much. I don't know how to explain it, it's so hard to look him in the eyes and see the hurt/pain/sadness in him. Even though the surgery was a success and he completely chemo just fine, and he's thankfully (thank you God) been NED for awhile, it is almost like cancer took something away from him. It really is so sad and I hate to see him this way. I too am really scared for this upcoming scan, (now schedule for June 27th) more so than usual for some reason. It seems at least for me that the farther away from the initial diagnosis we approach, the more scared i feel. I truly hate the anxiety these scans bring and I don't know what to do to make it better.

Please continue to keep him in your prayers and as ususal everyone here on this wonderful board will always be in mine.

Susana

Comments

  • lfondots63
    lfondots63 Member Posts: 818 Member
    #2
    Options
    Hi Susana,

    I think it natural for you to worry about him. Have you tried to talk to him about it? We all have our good and bad days with this. He might be like my dad who says "every test I get something else is wrong". My dad is 69 and just dx'd with prostrate cancer. So now I have cancer and so does he. Have him try to do some fun things since he is NED once he feels better. HUGS to you and your family. I will keep sending good vibes to you.

    Lisa
  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    #3
    Options
    lfondots63 said:

    Hi Susana,

    I think it natural for you to worry about him. Have you tried to talk to him about it? We all have our good and bad days with this. He might be like my dad who says "every test I get something else is wrong". My dad is 69 and just dx'd with prostrate cancer. So now I have cancer and so does he. Have him try to do some fun things since he is NED once he feels better. HUGS to you and your family. I will keep sending good vibes to you.

    Lisa

    Hi Susana. I guess in a way I was pretty much like your dad. I had always been the energetic active person all my life and cancer has changed many things. For the outsider it is hard for them to understand that things have changed. Jen does because she sees it every day. I have always been the home handyman...never hired a tradesman and still don't. It just takes longer to do things and I get tired so quickly, even tho we both excercise with walking often to get fitter. The docs. don't know why fatigue is such an problem but it frustrates me that I cannot do the things I used to. They suspect the fatigue as long term effects of chemo as I also have developed painfull arthritis which never existed before chemo. Friends see me as healthy and wonder why I cannot do the very active things I used to do...hard as I try. My specialist just tells me that for some reason the chemo effects us all differently and some go on for many years suffering the side effects two of which are fatigue and insomnia.Being NED is wonderfull so my problems are miniscule compared to the alternative but they are nonetheless real I wonder that possibly your dad is also plagued by the frustration that I feel at times, especially as his prior life was so active. I guess that to family and friends what I have said here could be construed as using excuses to justify feeling "different". I can assure you that is not the case. Jen sees the difference from now to as I used to be and makes allowances....my onclogist told her to be aware that the surgery and the chemo may have lasting results. I guess we try to get on with things as best we can. Some days are good...others not so. I suspect that many here feel the same while in others the "poison" has not had that fatigueing effect. I don't know the answer...nor do the doctors...but it is very real to me. Gotta go TRY complete some paving now.
    Talk to your dad if you can....ask him how he feels, then try to understand his response.
    huggs, Ross n Jen
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #4
    Options
    Susana,
    I'm not sure how much age has to do with this...we all feel 'different' since meeting the beast face to face...sometimes fragile, sometimes energized, sometimes waiting for 'the other shoe to drop' (mine did...just as I finished the rectal ca, I was dx with breast ca). We all deal with this differently, although we all have these feelings.
    It might also be that YOU see him differently...I remember the day I was forced to see my dad as just a man, who has vulnerablilities. The good news...OUR relationship changed, but it was BETTER, because he felt like he could talk to me person-to-person, not just dad-to-daughter. It made me love him all the more.
    Hugs to you and dad...starting an ADULT friendship!
    Kathi
    P.S. And of course he's in my prayers, and you, too!
  • jams67
    jams67 Member Posts: 925 Member
    #5
    Options
    It took me a while to come to grips with the sadness I felt during chemo. I think I was grieving for that person who used to be strong and invulnerable. However, I think God wanted me to know that everyone is terminal. We will all die of something. Maybe we will be NED for the rest of our lives and be run over by a truck. Just takes a while to realize that we just have to get on with living and do the best we can on a day to day basis. Live, Love and Be Happy ...
  • nanuk
    nanuk Member Posts: 1,358 Member
    #6
    Options
    You are doing it...by being there for him and caring, providing the support, sometimes just the presence of someone who cares is the medicine we need.. Bud

Discussion Boards