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Friday giggles

JADot's picture
JADot
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

Here's some giggles to brighten your Friday!

- - -
Men are just simply happier people, and here is why...

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

...and why I am jealous - JADot

spongebob's picture
spongebob
Posts: 2599
Joined: Apr 2003

Hilarious! (and true!)

Thanks for the great start to the weekend...

- SB

tkd3g
Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Thanks for the laughs. Very funny. I am sure to cut and paste this for my husband.

Have a great day and weekend.

Barb

finner
Posts: 232
Joined: Jan 2005

Thought I'd add these to the Friday laughs.

These are from a book called “Disorder in the Courts”, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact
?

A: Gucci sweater and reebok trainers

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death…
Q: And by whose death was it terminated

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Thought I'd add these to the Friday laughs.

These are from a book called “Disorder in the Courts”, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact
?

A: Gucci sweater and reebok trainers

Q: Are you sexually active?

A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death…
Q: And by whose death was it terminated

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Margo (this w/end is a bank holiday w/end here and the weather is just gorgeous.

JADot's picture
JADot
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

These are too funny! Thanks for adding on to the giggles!

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

thanks-having a tough day--and your giggles were the perfect medicine-
Dash

JADot's picture
JADot
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

Hi Dash:

Hope your day went well and hope that you're feeling OK. I'll be happy to keep you in 24 hours giggles if that helps. You just let me know.

Ying

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

It's 4am, I am laughing my bottom off, and sleepless to boot!
Thank you sooooo much for the great fun!
Hugs, Kathi

tkd3g
Posts: 768
Joined: Aug 2004

Me too, Kathi. 4:45 for me. UGH. Hope I don't "crash" this afternoon.

Have a great funny Friday

Barb

JADot's picture
JADot
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

Hi Kathi and Barb,

Hey we are the insomnia triplets. I was all hyped up on the steroid they gave me yesterday, so I was posting jokes at 2AM. And lo, you guys are laughing at 4AM. Ain't life exciting?! Insomnia rocks - maybe?!

Have a great weekend and please remember to sleep. Remember that missing 4 hours of sleep on one night can reduce your t-cell counts by 40%. And we all know T-Cells are our friends in fight cancer and the bird flu. zzzzz....of course it's now 1:20AM and I am talking about sleeping instead of doing it!

Ying

kerry's picture
kerry
Posts: 1317
Joined: Jan 2003

Ying,

I now look forward to your Friday Giggles!! Thanks for a good head start on my weekend.

Kerry

JKendall
Posts: 186
Joined: Nov 2004

Both of those were great!!! Thanks! Jimmy

JADot's picture
JADot
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

Hi Kerry:

It's good to have a following! Now that I know you're looking for them, I'll have to make sure to serve them up on Fridays.

Next time I am in Austin we'll have to meet and laugh our heads off over something!

Have a great weekend!
Ying

terril
Posts: 297
Joined: Apr 2004

I love the Friday giggles. Thank you for the great humor to end the week!!! Terri

dash4
Posts: 304
Joined: Dec 2005

Hi-yesterday was chemo day for my hubby. He really enjoyed your "friday giggles" on the way to chemo and at chemo the nurses enjoyed also!!! You are becoming famous! Have a good day!!
Dash

JADot's picture
JADot
Posts: 720
Joined: Jan 2006

I am famous?! It's gone to my head already!

Dash, you're an angel to take your hubby to chemo! It can't be easy watching a loved one suffer. So must be a very strong person! I drive myself to chemo because I just can't imagine putting my husband through the sights, sounds and smells of that place. He did have to go and pick me up last week when I was in the anaphlactic shock and had to take me to the emergency room. He looked a bit stunned when he was there.

Some virtual hugs for you and healing vibes for your hubby. And please go and collect a hug from your hubby from me for being a such a wonderful caregiver!

Cheers,
Ying

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