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spongebob's picture
Posts: 2598
Joined: Apr 2003

I went into my oncologist's office for my first rectal exam following chemo.

His new nurse took me to an examining room
and told me to get undressed and have a seat
until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
a Tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in I said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that my doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung it open and yelled to his nurse.......

Darn it nurse!!!!!!!!!!!
I said a BUTT LIGHT"

(I know... bad joke... Sorry)

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Actually Sponger...I thought it was 'arf reasonable mate.
Here's another to ponder on;
The Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very
proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and
desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went
to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk)
to make the proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the
undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her


Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral,
as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady
had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had
selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought
long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request,
considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a
postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the
appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read
as follows:


I hope no-one is offended here......nah---yah gotta smile once in a while guys n gals!

Posts: 190
Joined: Oct 2005

Hello, you two fellas have made my day, what a change to get a laugh out of this message board, I am sure many of us need to find something to laugh about more often, good on you. Love Virginia.

Posts: 758
Joined: Jul 2004

spongebob and kanga,
what more can i say the 2 of you can bring smiles to all of us. keep it going.
all the best

Posts: 484
Joined: Jan 2005

You guys are tooooo funnnnyyyy....
Thanks....I needed a good laugh today!


KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

SpongeBob and Kanga, What great timing!
I had the 3rd of 4 chemos today...made jokes the whole time I was there. But now its starting to hit, So I needed a smile!

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Aw...thanks guys n gals. Sponger started this and I did not want to steal his thunder. But you know, there is a time to laugh and a time to cry....there is also a time and a place for everything.

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Can't help myself...here's one from tha states;
Doctors on Strike
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital
officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as
they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!

KathiM's picture
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

SOOOOOOO true, and I've been with a doc for 15 years.....I STILL can't read his writing.

nanuk's picture
Posts: 1362
Joined: Dec 2003

I LOVE bad jokes..thanks Sponge & Kanga. Here's my contribution:
This eccentric rich scientist spent most of hs time studying rare birds. One day he receives a call advising that a particularly rare bird, the Foo Bird, had been sighted in Africa.
He immediately rented a jet and set off in hopes of getting a rare view of this elusive bird.
Upon arriving in Africa, he assembled a safari group of natives and set out insearch of the Foo.

On the third day out, the group was resting in a clearing, when one of the natives came running and excitingly looking and pointing to the sky shouting "Foo Bird, Foo Bird"..the eccentric scientist looked up, and at that moment, the Foo Bird let loose a large bowel movement, which landed squarely in his eye.
As he reached up to wipe it off, the natives became very agitated, and said "no banawa, you no wipe off..if you wipe off, you die!
Not wanting to disrespect local customs and beliefs, the scientist decided to leave the poop on his eye until he could return to the plane.
There were no more sightings of the Foo Bird, so the group returned to the plane, and the scientist said goodbye to the natives and returned to his home in New York.
After some consideration, he decided to leave the poop on his eye just in case the native superstition was true.
After two weeks of ridicule and people pointing and saying "look at that guy with poop in his eye", etc., he decided to wipe it off, and instantly dropped dead.


"If the Foo shits, wear it.."

Posts: 296
Joined: Mar 2004

Hello Guys!

The two of you are GREAT!!

I needed a laugh today and you guys always seem to make me feel better!!!!

Keep them coming!

Love Always Your Friend!


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