att. Btrcup(Linda)

Hi Linda. I posted a new topic here to make sure that you read this. You posted about the tough time you will be having this month and in particular the beginning of grief counselling for your kids. I thought a bit of advice here might help this process. You probably have already read in past posts that I lost my dad when I was 13(he was 44 at the time and passed from kidney/heart failure).
What I would like to suggest to you that might make it easier for young Scotty is for you to seek out someone(a male) close to your family. The idea is to find someone not to try to replace Scott but to become a mentor/minder, so to speak that young Scott would bond with as a friend. That does not mean a replacement father but a person that would be there for him to seek out for advice....a male to talk to that will understand his needs and understand that no-one can replace his dad.....but will be there for him to share personal stuff, personal fears, personal emotions.
The person needs to be a mate, so to speak that is non-judgemental but yet has the qualities to help Scott cope.
That person may have been a friend of your dear Scott....it may be a relation....it does not matter who as long as they understand that a mentor is what young Scott needs.
I offer this advice because looking back on my life it was extremely hard to grow up without a dad....and lets face it...there are just some things a young lad growing up and going thru puberty, the teenage years...and for a long time after, just will not discuss with their mum..no matter how much they love her.
I was fortunate that my mother, and an auntie had the foresight to see that I had some special needs. They introduced me to a cousin(Ian) of mine whom I seldom saw(he was 17 years older than me). He had interests which my mum thought would take my mind of dads death and to which I would relate and possibly get involved in. He had the qualities to, without judgement mentor me. He became not only a very close friend to me but for the past 37 years I have grown to actually look upon him as my "surrogate father".
This is all very true Linda and to this day, he knows that he never could have replaced dad but he knows that I see him as a kind of surrogate father...I have even told him so. In a way Ian filled a void. He is now 67(I am almost 50)
I have absolutely no reservations telling people that Ian mentored me in the way in which my father would have and that for many years I referred to him, in my own way, as dad. MMMM?...I said he would never replace dad, didn't I? Yes, I did and no, he did not replace my father. Ian never tried to do that but over the years he pretty much lived up to my expectations of what a father should be and that was never the intentions of my mum and auntie. It just turned out that way! What a wonderfull thing to happen to me! I am sincerely gratefull to him. I treat him with respect and love him like the father I never had.Ian is married but never had children so I guess I might have filled a small void too.
I speak from experience Linda and with solemn truthfullness. Ian knew my dad but never tried to replace him...but he was the next best thing...and one of the best things to happen in my life. Ian told me many times over the years how much he respected my dad....that made me feel great...and in those years we often spoke of my dad.
I hope this story helps you in some way Linda.
Love, Ross and Jen